Debriefed

Our Infertility Adventures - Volume 2

2012-02-12T12:23:00.000-06:00

The results are in and everything looks in order... except for one thing. It's kind of odd but that's what we were hoping for. The fact that this test came back negative means that we can get some help and get things moving... instead of going further down the "testing" road. Also, it means that we know what the problem is and it's a relatively easy fix - the best outcome we could hope for considering.

So right now we are looking at a few more weeks of medication, monitoring and daily testing of how I'm responding to the treatment. Until then, Js has to put up with my pretty intense PMS outbursts of bitchyness and hormotional fits.

It's encouraging because things are moving along at a nice pace and the faint light at the end of the tunnel (no disgusting pun intended) is finally looking a little brighter.

Just another quick update until we have more exciting (read: relevant!) news to share. :)

Self-inflicted Ass Kicking

2012-02-06T14:54:00.003-06:00

My goal for 2012 is to “do shit and stick to it”. Ironically enough it, has been kinda demanding to stick to but so far so good. I’m holding on for dear life to the last shreds of hope at this point but it’s better than nothing at all. Everything just seems so simple when there’s no accountability for how little productivity is expected. I just gotta keep reminding myself that I’m doing this for me and I’ll be successful. I think.

To help restore some self-awareness that I felt had been slipping away from me over the last few months (read: 8-10 months), I decided to take up some Yoga classes at our base gym.

I actually quite pleased with it. It’s reminded me of how important it is to totally suck at something and how fun it is to stick to it. I suck, not gonna lie. This girl is not the most flexible or graceful – ask anyone. I do feel some progress though which is really inspiring. I’ve even found some pretty decent youtube channels with some instructors that I like so I can do some at home during the weekend.

I also took up another fitness class which is totally more kick-butt-wanna-puke-hope-for-a-quick-and-merciful-death type of physical activity. I totally hated my instructor the next day but totally loved her at the same time. I forgot how much I love pushing myself.

I’m lazy and that’s one of my main issues with ... well, pretty much anything. That’s what self-awareness mixed in with some fitness classes and lifestyle changes has thought me in the first month and a half of this goal focused endeavour.

I’m kind of excited for the next few months to see what else I can take on, suck at and then kick butt in.

Namaste bitches.

Meal Planning – Grocery Shopping

2012-02-02T15:04:00.001-06:00

After you’ve planned everything you’ll be eating for the week; there comes the daunting task of grocery shopping. Ugh.

Firstly, here are a few shopping tips I’ve come up with to make it easier for you.

Write a list. On our fridge, we keep our meal plan menu and our shopping list on separate pieces of paper as well as our “Costco list” on an erasable board. We like to add to the list as we use the last of something to save some time when meal planning time comes. Once we’ve figured out our menu, we like to go over all the ingredients we’ll need then one of us goes searching and the other one writes stuff down. As we normally do our shopping on Tuesday nights, we usually end up doing this Monday right after dinner when the coffee is brewing.
Bring your list. Don’t forget it at home, on the counter, in the car or at work. Write it in your cell phone if you have to! I like to keep it in my day planner that I carry everywhere with me.
Stick to your list. Don’t wander. Don’t buy stuff because it’s on sale unless it’s on your list. Check everything on your list and run outta there! Grocery stores are made to make you wanna buy more than you came for. It’s not a scam or anything – it’s just good business sense! You’re a savvy shopper, you have a list, and you can do this!

We all tend to stock up for a rainy day when we see good deals on food especially stuff that doesn’t expire. We think, what harm can it do, just sitting there in the pantry? If you look back at your inventory exercise, you’ll see what an impact stock-piling has can have on your house and budget! Yeah, it’s only $5 but you could have that $5 in your pocket instead of in your pantry. Ask yourself this: Would you leave a $20 bill just sitting on a shelf in your fridge? Then leave $50 to accumulate dust in your pantry?

Try to stick to the “outside walls” of your grocery store. Most stores keep all the major items and perishable goods like meat, produce and milk in fridges and shelving that flows along perimeter of the store. Save the isles for last and only go down those you must according to your list then run to the check out! The isles are jam packed with cans, boxes and pre-packaged (and not to mention over-priced!) stuff you don’t need.

You’ll save money, time and a whole lot of guessing out of grocery shopping! You know you have enough food for the week, you know you’re not spending more than you should and you know you can afford a nice latte for the drive home.

This may seem odd at first but trust me, you’ll feel so liberated after a few times doing this, and grocery shopping will become so easy and fun – almost like a top secret mission except your list won’t self destroy – you’ll look forward to it a lot more. I always thought grocery shopping was therapeutic because I was doing something good, something to provide for myself and my family and it was almost hypnotic looking at different items and comparing prices, trying to save pennies! Now, I know for sure that I’m saving money and I feel much better knowing I can go home and I can hang with Js and play fetch with the dog.

Meal Planning – Week 1

2012-02-02T08:45:00.000-06:00

Now the fun begins! You’ve listed everything in your house and now you’re ready to start planning. It might seem like a daunting task but trust me; it’s about one third as complicated as it sounds - even less than that, actually.

If you’re a big breakfast family, then you might want to plan for your breakfast, lunch and dinner every day. Otherwise, you can stick to planning lunch and dinner like we do. Because our schedules are so different and vary so much day to day breakfast sort of became a “you’re on your own” kinda meal which I rather enjoy because I don’t have Js breathing down my neck telling me it’s chocolate is not considered a “breakfast food”. I can just munch on my granola bar in the car and ingest insane amounts of coffee.

Again, this is another situation when you have to do what works best for you and your family. If you have a hard time the first week sticking to your plan, don’t give up! Figure out what didn’t work; talk it out with your partner (boring, I know), rinse and repeat.

Our planner has a section for lunch and dinner every day, and then there is a small box on the bottom of the page for “breakfast stuff” and “snacks”.

Start by looking at your inventory and priority list of what needs to go first. During the first few weeks, you want to try and use up as much as possible from your own personal “grocery store” (aka pantry, fridge and freezer). The first week we went from spending at least 90$ at the grocery store to a wee 35$ - if you have a lot of food stashed in your house, this can represent significant savings.

Tip: For fun, you can add up the approximate cost of items on your inventory lists to see how long you can go and how much money you can save eating from what you already have. All this money is money you’ve spent in the past that’s been sleeping in your pantry. Think of it this way: the only can of soup you should keep this long in your house is on a very expensive painting. Don’t buy something unless you intend on eating it in the next few weeks otherwise it turns into very bulky house décor.

For the first week, you want to start right on the next day you write out your plan. We found it worked best if we planned the day before we did our shopping. This week, we did the planning on Monday so we went shopping on Tuesday. This way, we figured out everything we needed for the entire week to save us a couple trips.

Also, stick to basics. Especially at first, you’ll want to give yourself a little bit of time to get accustomed particularly if you’re used to eating out a lot. As much of a time and money saver meal planning is, it can get a bit overwhelming if you plan a three course meal every day.

Here are a few more tips to keep in mind:

There are awesome websites that can help you combine some ingredients and find recipes to use up the odds and ends.
Don’t get caught up in the complicated. Stick to basic foods and recipes that you know.
Try to spread out your frozen stuff – if you make a stir fry to use up some frozen veggies, toss in a few fresh ones to give your stir fry a bit of texture and also to eat through your fresh stuff and save it from the garbage can doom.
If you’re planning on eating out – include that in your plan. Give yourself a break!
Don’t freak out if things don’t work out perfectly the first week – you’ll get the hang of it I promise.

Here’s an example of what our meal plan looks like with notes:

Monday Lunch: Tuna Sandwiches
Monday Dinner: Stir-fry with shrimps

We normally do our shopping on Tuesday evenings, so by Monday, we’re all out of the fresh stuff so canned tuna and frozen shrimp it is!

Tuesday Lunch: Stir-fry left-over
Tuesday Dinner: Chicken Fried Noodles

We buy the BBQ cooked chicken at the deli counter so it’s quick and ready after the grocery shopping is done and put away.

Wednesday Lunch: Left-overs Chicken fried noodles or salad with cranberries and chicken
Wednesday Dinner: Breakfast for dinner

Thursday Lunch: Soup and veggies
Thursday Dinner: Chicken breast with rice or potatoes

We like to give ourselves options sometimes. It’s still easier to figure out “do you want potatoes or rice?” than “what’s for dinner?” and also gives you an easy option if you run short on time or supplies.

Friday Lunch: Left-over chicken or Chicken salad sandwiches
Friday Dinner: Home-made pizza and oven fries

Saturday Lunch: Left-over pizza or falafel wraps/salad
Saturday Dinner: Beef roast and rice

Sunday Lunch: Pancake brunch
Sunday Dinner: Tacos

You can see that by the end of the week, we’re giving ourselves a few more options and we’re figuring out meal preparation times in our schedule. Like Saturday, if we hang around the house all day, we’ll make a roast or lasagna but if we’re going to be running around, we’ll make a roast in the slow-cooker. Both very similar ingredients but two totally different dishes. Plus, we ALWAYS have supplies to make pancakes on hand – as every household should.

Now make your plan, using as many items from your home as you can and get crackin’. I’ll keep up with the posts for tips and tricks and menu ideas but by now, you should have most of the tools you need to successfully plan a week’s meals.

Keep track of your savings and menus and feel free to share with me! I’m curious to see and can’t wait to read all your inspiring ideas!

Meal Planning - Inventory

2012-02-01T14:33:00.000-06:00

The first step is to inventory everything you have in the house as far as food goes. You can probably list off the top of your head most things you already know you have but it’s crucial that you take a bit of time a pull everything from your pantry and list it all down to the last snack. Same goes for your fridge and freezer or anywhere else you store food.

Take this opportunity to check the expiry dates on everything and toss out old or expired items. At our house the salad dressings, jams and sauces tend to survive longer than they really should in our fridge so it’s nice to clear up the space and pick out new ones at the grocery store. This will also help you clear out some stuff from your freezer and pantry so you can keep a better pulse on what you have in stock and make planning easier down the road.

Just a note, if the process seems like it’s taking forever, don’t give up! The longer this part takes, the easier it will be for you to adapt. Also, don’t do this right before you go grocery shopping – do this on a day when you know you won’t need to go shopping for a few days. You might want to start planning on the day after you do your inventory or maybe wait for the next Monday or something – do what’s most logical for you and your family. Just make sure to cross off the things you’ll use from your inventory list until then.

You can find some “freezer inventory” or “pantry inventory” templates online for free – or some for purchase but don’t feel like you need to spend a lot of time picking out a template that would work for you. You’ll figure it out as you go – personally, I like to start with a blank page and then figure out what’s best for the second time around. All you need is a pen and paper. It doesn’t matter what you write it on as long as you can keep that info neat and tidy in a binder or a box for reference later.

Here’s what I came up with – if anyone’s interested, I can send you a copy for printing. They are in French though so if you need an English copy, just let me know and I’ll see what I can do. ;)

I keep a separate list for the pantry and for the freezer. The freezer being downstairs, this comes in handy when I don’t feel like running up and down to figure out my meal plan for the following week.

Freezer Inventory

On the top of your list, write today’s date. List all the items in your freezer along with quantity and the date (or approximate date) it was frozen. Put a star or an arrow or something next to the items that have been frozen the longest.

I like to divide my lists in categories: prepared meals, fruit and veggies, meats and seafood, snacks and misc. This makes it easier for me to plan meals and prioritise but you can do it however works best for you.

I like to put a star on the top 5 items that have been frozen the longest – later, I’ll be able to tell at a quick glance which items I need to use first.

Pantry Inventory

Same as for your freezer inventory, write down the date on top of your list. List everything you can get your hands on and make sure to look for expiry dates. Some stuff you wouldn’t even think expires like soups, cookies, crackers and cereal.

Put an arrow or a star by the products that expire first to help you prioritize what you need to use first and what you can keep longer.

Now that you have everything listed and you’ve already disposed of everything that’s freezer burnt or expired, you are looking at your “grocery store” for the next week.

If you have anything that’s huge like a turkey or a huge bag of potatoes, you might want to consider what would be the best way to go about using them up. If you’re going to be alone at home all weekend, please don’t make the entire turkey just because I suggested you use it first. Always look at the big picture and do what’s best for you and your family.

Make the most with what you’ve got and you’ll do just fine. Next step - the fun starts!

Meal Planning Awareness Exercise

2012-01-31T14:41:00.000-06:00

In order to save yourself some precious time and money, you want to keep this simple principle in mind: Make the most with what you have.

If you’re able to stick to this idea, your meal planning will be successful and you will be amazed at home much money, time and energy you used to spend on something as simple as lunch and dinner.

The first awareness exercise I recommend on doing is figuring out how much time you currently spend on meal planning. Here is the conclusion we came to when we started looking at the numbers:

Every day, we spend at least 10 minutes in the morning to figure out what to bring for lunch. Then same for dinner so another 10 minutes there.

Week’s total: 140minutes

Twice a week, we need to run to the store because the sour cream isn’t “best before” anymore and because we ran out of eggs. 35 minute trip including round trip and shopping time only.

Week’s total: 210minutes

At least 4 times a week, we need to thaw some meat or fish which adds another 10 minutes to our prep time that could have been avoided if we’d planned our meal in advance.

Week’s total: 250minutes

So a total of 4 hours and 20 minutes a week of our time are invested in our current meal planning process. Note that I didn’t count in here the grocery shopping trip because this varies for everyone but you can definitely add it in there once you figure out how long it used to take you and how long it takes you with your meal planning list. If you already shop using a list, you can simply add this amount of time to your total – just remember to add in it again at the end of the process.

Big picture snap-shot: that’s 16 hours and 40 minutes a month, over 8 days a year – that’s more days than some people go on holiday each year.

We haven’t even begun talking about dollars and cents yet. Because money is a trickier and much more personal topic, we’re not going to dig right in there at this point but if you’d like to do the same exercise to figure out the extra money you are currently spending, here are a few things you can include:

• Cost of pre-packaged/frozen bought to save time.
• Gas for those last minute grocery store trips.
• Last minute fast-food meals.
• Food you toss out because you didn’t use before the expiry date or left too long on the bottom of your freezer.

Now that you have those magic numbers, keep them handy for the first weeks of your meal planning when it seems like such a pain... or every time you’re tempted to order take out. You can even write them on a sticky note and keep it on your fridge door as a friendly reminder of how much money and time you’ll save. Pick a goal – it can be anything from a new art class you want to take or a new purse you’ve been eyeing and figure out how long you need to meal plan to be able to attain this goal.

Next step, we are going to inventory everything you have in the house. Well... not everything... just food stuff.

Meal Planning 101

2012-01-31T13:47:00.001-06:00

As promised, a detailed step-by-step process of our meal planning initiative that’s absolutely exceeded all our expectations both financially and in saving our sanity.

First, here’s a bit of back story. We’re always trying to find ways to simplify our lifestyle I wasn’t entirely convinced that planning out our day-to-day meals would simplify anything. What if we’re in the mood for something else? What if we run out of something and have to run to the store? How about lunches and breakfasts and snacks, are we going to have to plan those also to make it worth our while? Js wasn’t too convinced either. He’s more of a “spur of the moment” and “steak and potatoes” kinda guy so I didn’t envision our meal planning endeavour to last us very long.

One faithful day, while we were out grocery shopping and talking about our finances, we realized we spend way too much money on groceries and time trying to figure out what we’re in the mood for. I took up the challenge to stretch out our current groceries until the end of the month as much as possible.

Meal planning was my only option to make sure we didn’t:

A) Run out of food.
B) Run out of money.
C) Run out of patience.

We’ve been meal planning now for about 3-4 weeks now and it looks like we’ve got a nice rhythm going so I’ve come up with these step-by-step instructions for those who’d like to give it a shot. To make it easier for everyone, I will be posting a series of entries for each step so that you can figure out what works best for you before moving on to the next step rather than giant post.

Here are the basic things you’ll need before you get started.

Pen and paper;
Calculator; and
A book, binder or box would work just fine.

Freezer bags are not necessary but nice to have handy if you normally use them.

Our Infertility Adventures - Volume 1

2012-01-26T08:22:00.001-06:00

We're finally done working through the first phase of pokes and prods to be on our way to figuring out what's wrong with this sad south of mine. It sucked but it's a huge relief knowing it's done and things are moving forward. I'm seeing my specialist doctor in two weeks to get all the results and see if we can move on to phase two or if we go straight to jail - do not pass go, do not collect 200$.

In any case, either way this goes just means more pokes and prods for me.

Meal Planning

2012-01-11T22:39:00.000-06:00

I'm working on a series of posts right now that'll be published soon, I hope. We've decided to give meal-planning a shot and so far, it's been absolutely awesome even if it was a bit hard to get used to at first. Once we get a better hang of things and we actually know what we're doing, I'll make sure to keep you all updated with info and tips if you want to give it a try. :)

The Bob Barker Treatment

2012-01-08T09:32:00.000-06:00

Seriously people, in today's society, how fucking difficult is it to understand the important of spaying/neutering your pets? How? I want to know why some people still don't get it. It frustrates me to NO fucking END when dumb people think it's okay for their dogs to go gallivanting about with all their privates.

Recently, I read something about the Bright Eyes Dog Rescue in Regina who received a dog-mom and her eight pups because the owners abandoned them. They got fed up that she kept getting pregnant and just gave up. This was her third litter in her short 4 years of life... and they still don't get the hint? So the eight pups are currently placed in foster homes, waiting for their forever homes. At least they get a better chance at a healthy and happy dog-life filled with tennis balls and human-love.

What pisses me off, I think, is those people who's dogs get pregnant... and then, thinking they are being responsible pet owners, they give away the pups to just about anyone for free. I'm sure some families will love the pups endlessly and care for them until they go to doggie-heaven... but when you can't commit a few hundred dollars to adopting an animal, it really makes one wonder about the level of dedication you have towards that animal.

Also, when you adopt an animal from a shelter (be it SPCA or any Humane Society) they normally will make a deal with you that you must spay/neuter the animal within so much time or the animal will be reclaimed. Why? So they don't end up with six to eight more puppies who look a whole lot like your dog in a few months. It's called overpopulation and it's a real bitch (pun intended). So these people, who are handing out puppies right, left and center willy nilly have no control over the dogs getting fixed in the long run and are just contributing to the problem.

//end rant.

Bad Mane Day

2012-01-07T10:18:00.001-06:00

So a few nights ago, I decided it would be a good idea to use these little roller-thingies in my hair. Why not?

Here's why.

So I washed my hair, towel dried it a bit and went to town with the rollers. No product. No nothing. Just pure, unskilled, totally improvised hair stylin'.

You guessed it, more than half the rollers had fallen out during the night. So the back part of my hair was curled in spots and straight as a pin in others. The rollers on the sides and top of my head had stayed put and tightly so.

The image in the mirror was quite frightening. With every roller I took out of my hair, the more I looked like Mufasa from The Lion King. Js walked by the bathroom and started singing The Lion King song... confirming any doubts that I had about going the hairstyling career route.

It was too late to shower again or do anything about it so I stuck a hairband on my head and stuffed what frizzy hair I could into a disheveled pony tail attempt.

I am still hearing The Lion King song. The hairband did nothing.
I woke up this morning to my husband singing The Lion King song.

Crafty Craftyness

2012-01-05T21:58:00.000-06:00

A good friend of mine recently started a crafting blog and she's doing SUPER awesome thus far. :) We're looking forward to exchanging some guest-blogs and I'm really looking forward to reading about her adventures and seeing her creations.

Check out Small Town Gal Crafts and show this crafty gal some love. You know you wannnna.

Back to reality.

2012-01-03T21:47:00.001-06:00

Oy! Getting back to work after three whole weeks of doing next to nothing was pretty exhausting today. Before the holidays I finished up with my first contract with this employer (covering a maternity leave) and went in for three half days between Christmas and New Year's to do my part, today I started a new contract which takes me well into September as far as secure employment goes. It was kind of odd starting a "new" job that I kinda sorta already did, in a place where I knew everyone and didn't have to ask where I put my lunch bag or where the bathrooms are. I'm super grateful for having the opportunity to keep working there and I really hope to get something permanent by the end of this to keep my employee status and have transfer options when/if we ever do get posted outta here. I don't even want to get started on posting options/possibilities/odds right now... ugh.

Friends invited us over for dinner after work and it was nice to spend some time with them and their kids and just hang. On the not-topic of postings... I will cry every tear in my body when they get posted out. Seriously. We knew them both individually before they even met each other... and here they are, three years and two kids later... they're part of our Moose Jaw Fam.

Three more of my very close friends are getting posted out this summer. Again, just to be clear... we're totally not talking about postings. It's going to be a very long and sobby summer for this gal, me thinks. Don't get me wrong, I'm super thrilled for them that their husbands are finally done their training and they can move on to a more permanent and more family (vs career) oriented posting but there's a wee part of me that's a tad selfish and kinda wish I could keep them here with me forever.

The transient nature of our lifestyle sorta struck me today when I over heard someone say, with a distinct French accent, that they were new here and were looking for info for something... I literally RAN over and yelled "Don't go anywhere! I need to talk to you!" in hopes of introducing myself and offering help if they needed anything to get settled. As I ran towards her, my desperate little mind went "Way to look like a loser." but she seemed SO happy to talk and so relieved that I approached her, my more reserved self immediately forgave my insane self for looking like a complete tool.

It made me realize that we're always loosing friends but they make room for the new ones. And when we're the ones moving, we leave some behind to go meet total strangers. We'll have at least one thing in common and that's a good enough place to start when you're all alone...

Coming out of the Infertility Closet

2012-01-02T19:30:00.001-06:00

There you have it. The cause for this blog-funk I've been stuck in over the last several months. I guess I was always hoping things would work out and I'd never have to bore anyone with my pitty-party posts.

Then, the new year came around and I realized how much I missed blogging and how much self-awareness it gave me. I decided I would just climb out of this whole and get back into the routine that used to bring me such comfort. For that, I need to wipe the slate clean and "come out of the closet" if you will.

I'm not entirely ready to post about it just yet and to go into much detail but I'll say this; it's been nearly three years since we started trying and I've been poked and prodded more than I care to remember over the last six months. We're still in the testing phase to see what's not working and why before we start fixing the broken pieces... if it's at all possible. So we know something's broken, just don't know what yet. But 97% of chances are that it's my biscuit that's busted. That's all we know so far...

So here's to 2012... to getting back to the old habits of positive and constructive posts. :)

Merry Christmas!

2011-12-24T15:12:00.000-06:00

From our family to yours!

It's not perfect, but it's as good as we could manage with a timer and two very confused pets.

My Luck with Lactose

2011-12-05T18:10:00.000-06:00

Back home, we have this amazing cheese factory called Fromagerie St-Albert - it's the freshest cheese money can buy in the Ottawa area and it's amazing. Squeeky cheese, fresh cheddar and anything you can think of that has to do with delicious cheese.

When visiting family back home, we like to stock up on it and if we can, bring some back to Saskatchewan for friends to enjoy. It's a real treat we like to offer to who ever is taking care of house and cat during our absence.

After years (totally serious) of begging the Bulk Cheese Warehouse store owner here in town - yes, that's the actual name - to bring in this product, we haven't come to any sort of reasonable understanding. So you can imagine my surprise when I saw St-Albert product sitting on a shelf along with all the lesser cheeses at the mega Walmart store in Regina last weekend. I didn't believe my wee eyes at first. It wasn't until I noticed weird stares from fellow shoppers that I realized I was chanting and dancing, brick of cheddar cheese in hand.

Then, suddenly, like clouds rolling in and raining on my (literal) parade, I could hear my doctor's voice, resounding in my ears: You're lactose intolerant.

That's right, ladies and gents - I've become lactose intolerant over the last little while and not being faced with St-Albert cheese weekly at the grocery store, I had not realized the implication and dramatic impact this would have on my life.

I promise to blog about my progress in therapy.

Bullies or Bullied?

2011-12-04T23:21:00.000-06:00

First off, I guess I should start by saying that I was never in the cool crowd at school - far from it even - I've always been a dork and a nerd and a tad on the loser side of the school cafeteria. This kid wasn't popular. Not even a bit. Also, I'd like to point out that the comments below are a simple observation and reflect the few thoughts that just sparked from my brain.

With recent events linked to bullying in schools and such, there's been a huge trend on bullying and how it can/should be stopped. Social media took this one and ran with it to the ends of the earth and if it can change the life of just one kid - then it's all worth it. It's attracting attention to an aspect of youth social interactions that were most often cast aside as "just girls being girls" and "little boys learning to man up" scenarios.

One side of the debate going on in my head right now is whether the "bully" or the "bullied" should be targeted in all those efforts? Or both? Reach out to a bullied kid - you'll change the life of one, maybe inspire a few more to speak out. Change the bully's attitude and you'll reach out to the dozen kids they'll torment for years and years... Yes, it's important to reach out to the poor kids being intimidated into submission by their peers but something needs to be said for sitting the bullies down and giving them a stern lesson on how the world (is supposed to) function. If they don't care - they should.

Yes, it's chilling when we look at the stats and even more so when we consider how many kids have harmed themselves because of this epidemic... but are we trying to reinvent the wheel?

As adults, I'm sure we can all say we've witnessed bullying or intimidation in our workplaces or social circles. I'm sure these people didn't wake up mid-adulthood and decide to convert into fire breathing dragons. Those are the kids who were mean to other kids at school. This phenomenon is nothing new, by any extent. Why all the hoopla now? Because social media makes it visible to everyone and socially responsible people feel compelled to do something? Was it not obvious before the Facebook era? Com'on. What about all those kids, now adults, who suffered in silence?

I guess it kind of frustrates me to witness what our society has come to. Why do we need this much fluff? I know that today's kids are a very peculiar generation but what are we teaching them? We need to seriously look at the tools we've given those kids (I'm not talking about Social Media tools - more like character and values) for them to be able to fend for themselves as past generations? Most importantly, I think, what kind of morals and ethics does today's bully have and where did they learn that from?

I think my main concern here is; when we do have children and they grow up to be teenagers, that they'll feel they can come to their parents when they are being mugged daily at school rather than post a sad Facebook status as a cry for help. Why does that seem to be so hard to establish? I hope we're aware enough as parents and involved in our kids lives to see these behaviors and foster a communicative environment within the home. I'm sure it's easier said than done. But one can hope...

I has a happy!

2011-11-30T23:23:00.000-06:00

These last few weeks have been INSANE with crazyness. Happy crazy - but crazy nonetheless.

To top it ALL, I got a wonderful phone call this morning from Maggie to announce the birth of her first child! I'M AN AUNTIE! Yes, ladies and gents, I'm an aunty to the most amazing little bundle of joy that ever lived.

Take your unsolvable problem and stuff it.

2011-11-07T22:01:00.001-06:00

I'm so annoyed right now.

You know the kind of conversation that you think is going to be super easy and simple. When you give the other person who asked you a simple question a simple tool to help them find the answer they are looking for out of the goodness of your heart... and then the person's attitude is so negative and they are so dedicated to not solve their problem that you want to grab them by the hair and bang their heads into the wall?

"I am looking for a solution to this problem."
"Here's an idea that might solve your problem."
"That doesn't quite do it you see..."
"Oh, well then maybe this solution here could work."
"No it doesn't because the sky is blue."
"I didn't realize that affected the outcome. Perhaps try this..?"
"I've already tried this for two seconds five years ago with a very bad attitude and it failed..."
"Well here's the next obvious solution."
"The grass is green so it's not going to work."
"FUCK YOU!"
*rage-quit*

Because you can't deal with the idea of not having something to complain about doesn't mean I have to put up with your bullshit.

Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee...eeeeeeeeeee...

2011-10-27T21:52:00.000-06:00

Holly. Eff. things have been so busy around here I don't even know where to start. I'm on day #2 of not even having enough time in a day to turn on the TV. Seriously. It's insane.

Work's been super busy and with everything else keeping me out of trouble in the evenings, I didn't even notice that it's been a whole month since Js left for course. I've been so busy making sure I'm busy enough to not go crazy with lonely, I've gone insane and very... very tired.

I spend all day running around at work and then I get home, pay equal attention to each pet and then keep running around doing my wifely duties of housework and picking up per-ordered video games. There's also been a lot of time invested in Hallowe'en prep - I finally have all the decorations we need for this place so I'm pretty satisfied with myself. I've barely got time to cook decent food so I've been living on pasta and random canned soups for the last two weeks.

I've also been working on some side projects since Js has been gone and when I realized it's been a month I went "Shit! I have nothing to show for a month's work!" so I put things in high-gear and it's like everything came together over the last three or four days. I made a series of four cowl for my crochet collection and I've done more work on my website in the last week than I have over the last month before he left. Given, things are usually slower during the summer... but still. Nutso!

Amongst all this, my blogging kind of fell behind. But on the brighter side, I seem to be digging my way out of this blog-funk I was stuck in. I'm dealing with stuff and getting things squared away and hopefully I can come to terms and or get answers and be able to blog a bit more openly about the shit that's taking up most of my energy. :o) Hurray for betterness!

Comma

2011-10-20T21:16:00.000-06:00

I own nothing.

Tuesday fail.

2011-10-18T21:13:00.000-06:00

Today's just been one fail after another. Nonstop fail. Constant fail. I rolled my office chair over my own foot. I broke a nail so bad I yelled "FUCK!" right in front of the Padre. The Padre ordered the last bowl of soup. My necklace got caught in a binder ring and when I got up, the binder dragged every.thing. on my desk to the floor.

I come home, nuke a piece of pizza and as I sit down, I think : Man, I'm glad this shit day is over!

I promptly proceed to cut my finger with the knife. I went upstairs, drowned it in Bactine and applied Polysporin. Then, my internal conversation went something like this :

"Oh crap! I should have taken out the band-aid first."
... ... ...
*band-aid #1 falls in toilet*
"Dammit!"
... ... ... ...
*band-aid #2 falls in toilet*
"DAMMIT!"
...
*close lid*
... ...
*apply band-aid*
"HURRAY!"
*slam drawer on knee*
...
*whimper*

Poo is on my head.

2011-09-30T16:00:00.000-06:00

I don't have the photo credits for this image.
Maggie sent it to me ages ago... not quite sure why I held on to it!?

The universe seems to think that the top of my head is an awfully swell spot for a steaming, tightly coiled, juicy pile of poo lately and I'm growing really impatient.

Breathing should not be this hard.

2011-09-18T13:23:00.000-06:00

Of all things that cause mental blockages when it comes to blogging, I sort of wish this was one of them. I wish I could go on with my life without having to sporadically submit readers to a pity party but sadly, it ain't so. I hate pity. There are only a few things that insult me more than being pitied and I really wish I could find another adjective to describe this post...

Today is a rough one. It started out just fine but as we started getting ready for the Terry Fox run, something in my head went click and the anxiety started to build up. Why? ... I say, why not? It seems like all the shit that's been going on sort of accumulated into this great bit heaping pile of stink and decided to take a crap on my day.

Every time I thought about going somewhere public, standing in a crowd and being reminded constantly of how many people die of cancer each year, my blood seemed to just freeze in my veins and the fear of being pitied ensued. I remember what it was like at the Relay for Life. I was able to hold back until we left and ignore the way I was treated (read: figuratively spit on) by other team mates. I didn't know how I was going to make do today. If I was going to be able to keep a straight face and not bite anyone's head off and/or run away.

Since the topic of participating in the Terry Fox event again this year came up, I've been unable to shake the thought that while we were walking in it last year my mom was slowly and unknowingly dying on her couch taking vitamins and trying to fight this "cold".

I've been able to push the thought to the back of my mind until fives minutes before we left. I put on a brave face and got in the car.

As we drove out, I started thinking of what it would be like once we got there. I didn't know who else was going to be there and already being on the edge of my very fragile brain, the thought of being treated in the same way I was at the Relay for Life (or any other function really) just pushed me to the limit. The limit of everything. Of missing my Mom. Of missing my family. Of how unfair life can be sometimes. Of how anxious I am to leave this place. Of how I miss my true friends. Of my anxiety disorder.

Needless to say, I asked Js to turn the car around and take me back home. The fact that he had to go was a sort of blessing in a way. It allowed me to close the door behind me, collapse in the doorway and stay there as long as I wanted. I was angry, my heart was torn out of my chest again and I longed for something I know I can never have. It hurt but it felt good to allow myself to feel that way. It felt like I needed to fall apart to be able to get back up again.

I felt horrible for not going. For bailing on Js' run like that at the last minute. I wish I could be there right now to support him. To show that I am proud of him. That she would be too. I just don't have the balls.

They say time heals all wounds. I think that's a lie. Time does not heal all wounds, damaged tissue never truly heals. Sometimes, you stub your toe and it hurts a bit but you keep going and then sometimes you want to sit on the floor, rock back and forth and hold your pinky toe in your hands and sob. Today is one of those days. I know it's only a molehill compared to all the things I will have to do without her but if I want to sit on the floor and sob, no one is going to tell me I can't god dammit.

Addicted or dependent?

2011-09-05T08:08:00.002-06:00

I came across a blog post a few days ago that reminded me of a conversation I had with Js a while ago about internet addiction. My first reaction was "Guilty!" ... but then I got to thinking about what "addiction" really meant.

Source:
www.hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com

Who hasn't been a victim of sleepless Internet FOREVER night and days have gone by without even thinking of putting on a bra and going outside... by that definition, I think we could all say we're addicted. Yes? And I don't think that's fair. By that definition, I would be equally addicted to my cat, my dog, my couch, my bed, crochet, reading, working, sleeping and a bunch of other things that I wouldn't trade for the whole world. I know that an addiction doesn't have to be something that hinders your life or well being, it can be something positive too. I don't think I'm addicted to cats... or I'd have 20, my husband would leave me and I would throw the extra ones at the neighborhood kids. But I can't imagine my life without my Jacko... so what does it all mean?

I think the work I was looking for is "dependent". I have no issues admitting that I am totally dependent on the internet (and my cat for that matter... but that's a whole other post). Most the things I do daily either came into being because of or thanks to the internet.

This blog, for instance, I don't need it but I sure do enjoy it and love maintaining it and reading comments. Other websites I work on, I put them there and now I can't get rid of them like yesterday's garbage, they are my work and they help me and so many other people grow - at least I like to think so. I will lose track of time when I work on them because I love to. Yes, it sucks sometimes because Js would much rather I do dishes or the bank would much rather I pay bills... but... yeah I got no "but".


Source: Unknown. I found this image randomly on the Internet (!!!) eons ago. I own nothing.

Like any other hobby or thing-used-to-stuff-a-boring-Sunday-morning, it has it's pros and cons. Mine just happen to be on the internet... I guess I could say I'm addicted to my projects which depend on a quality internet connection. There.

So now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go make coffee so that I can crochet until my fingers bleed...

RIP Pretty Girl

2011-08-26T17:19:00.000-06:00

Sultanna, taken in 2009 during Capital Pride

(Andre Tardif)

I don't have much else to add.

There isn't much detail released about her passing yet but you can read the full article in Xtra or by clicking here.

Oy.

2011-08-23T20:48:00.001-06:00

I've been having issues with blogging these past few weeks. It's kind of hard for me because I'm so used to spilling my guts on here and venting to my trusted readers. Mostly, it's been difficult because being able to read what I write on here gives me an outside-perspective that I really need and without that, I tend to spiral into the abyss that is my brain. Save me!

This Charlie-Brown-Cloud has been looming over my head and consuming my every thought and until I'm ready to admit it to myself and able to deal with it all, I won't be comfortable blogging about it. Believe me, I tried. I just can't bring myself to put words to keyboard and blurt it out into cyberspace.

It's so odd to me, not being able to keep a pulse on my emotions and I totally admit that it's a control thing. Totally. Until I get over my damn self and learn to deal with it, I'll have to try harder at blogging about something else.

Anything else.

I guess I'll know I've fully accepted it once I'm finally able to blog about it.

Time-turner

2011-08-07T11:59:00.000-06:00

There are about 10 different kinds of wrong with the fact that I guess which Harry Potter movie I'm watching and when it's situated in the saga's timeline judging on Hermione's boobs.

So blessed.

2011-07-30T16:01:00.000-06:00

I know I've got it good. In life, I mean. Nutshell, I'm happily married, we have a good life, our pets enrich our lives daily with their nonsense and many things make my life complete like my work, my hobbies and my friends. Bigger-picture wise, I'm also very grateful for everything life has thrown my way. Sure, some parts suck but I've learned to live with it, move on and learn. I've always had a wonderful relationship with my parents and a great and supportive family. It hasn't always been roses, don't get me wrong but overall, we always had food on the table and brought happiness to each other.

Today, I feel especially blessed to have these two men in my life. My Dad and my husband. I love my dad with every ounce of my heart. He's a courageous man who knows exactly when hugs are needed. He's always guided me through life when I didn't quite know where to turn and picked me up when I fell down. All this, of course, with the dedication and love of my mother. Now that she's gone, we've grown a lot closer - right when I didn't think it would be possible. He's my rock.

Js is the most wonderful husband ever. We've come a long way since we decided we'd give this relationship a try over one-too-many shots and wine ~~glasses~~bottles. We've grown together and learned to love even more.

It just makes my heart melt when I see them two together. I know my Dad is really proud of Js for everything he's done to make me happy and I know Js respects my Dad immensely for everything he's over come and the man that he is today.

Js called me earlier today to say that my Dad was able to go visit him in Ottawa and see him doing the Ceremonial Guard at the War Monument. I know this probably made my Dad's ~~day~~month and the joy in Js' voice warmed my heart.

I know this post is super sappy... but I'm in a super sappy mood. I miss them both SO much, I can't really explain. So I turn my "miss" into "sap" and you'll have to deal with that for just a bit.

*sap essplosion*

P.i.s.s.e.d.

2011-07-26T11:59:00.000-06:00

I don't remember when I was last this pissed off. Seriously.

I think the most frustrating part of it all is not having anyone to talk to about it to try and calm my fucking nerves down. With that, comes the realization that I feel really alone.I want a coffee date with Maggie because I know she'd get it.

Js is away so I can only vent to him to a certain extent. I mean, not much he can do and no sense in him being pissed off along with me while he's away. I have never wanted to be posted right the fuck out of here this badly. We love Moose Jaw, our home and the life that we've build for us here. Why is it that a bunch of egotistical, selfish, hypocrite bastards have to come in an make it seem worth leaving all behind?

It just irritates me to no end. Normally, I try to be rational and give my all to fix things and make it better. This time around, I just want to scream really. I'm done trying. I'm done giving people the benefit of the doubt. I'm done listening to reasons and excuses. I'm mad - deal with it.

This post isn't a cry for help or attention but a mere warning... I can just see the headlines "Military Wife Rips a New Asshole to Random Passerby".

Inspiration

2011-07-24T12:23:00.000-06:00

Today is one of those days when my head is so filled with ideas that I don't know where to start.

I chatted with a friend this morning and she revived in me the urge to crochet some original pieces and pursue my latest passion. I've sort of set it aside over the last few weeks because the weather's just been so hot, it's been difficult to even think about holding a piece of yarn on my lap. Also, it's hard to find inspiration when it's so beautiful outside - who wants to think about tuques and hats and scarves? But I guess it's a good time to stock up and prepare for what I'm hoping will be a busy fall in the crochet department. :) I've got two ideas that I'm hoping to work on over the next little while so make sure to check it out on Facebook.

Productivity

2011-07-17T10:13:00.000-06:00

Js has been gone for a week and I wish I could say I've been super productive this week but it would be a huge lie. I have done... NOTHING. I did the dishes once or twice because well... I ran out of plates and cups.

I have a rule that I allow myself a NOTHING-day for each week that he'll be gone. I'm on day 6 of NOTHING and he's only gone 4 weeks this time around. Fail. I blame PMS.

So today I have to suck it up and actually do something productive. I have started a little at-home way-part-time-job so I have to send in a report for that. Of course, I don't have the proper software on either of our three laptops at home so I have to go in to work this afternoon. Also, my friend is leaving for a month to go visit her family back in Quebec so we're planning to have dinner together tonight. Great reason to shower and get dressed, right there! :)

I also have to clean up after by slobby self this afternoon because I'm hosting a trunk show on Monday evening and Jack can be as charming and cute as he'd like, it won't make up for a couch covered in kitty fur.

I think it's important to keep up some kind of routine while Js is away because it keeps me sane and moving. It's so tempting to watch sappy movies, eat all the ice cream I want and just snuggle with the pets on weekends. That's why I allow myself a few days... that way, I have a deadline and I know I have to kick things back in gear but it also allows me to have a little pity-party in the privacy of my own home and not bore (read : annoy) everyone around me with about it.

It's important to know how to stay alone. I never thought about it before because, well, it was never part of my reality before. You're face with two options : Sob all the way home and wait by the door like a little puppy for his return or adapt your lifestyle and hold the fort by yourself until he's back. Wanna guess which one I'm aiming for?

Sure, yes - I know, he's in a safe place, doing a safe job and that only for a grand total of 4 weeks. I am totally not complaining, at all. I just feel like if I let it all go this time around, I'll lose it when duty call's him to go somewhere not so safe and doing a not so safe job. But that's for a totally different post... ;)

Well, I should practice what I preach and get off my tush and actually get that laundry started. I *HATE* doing laundry. It's usually one of the first things that make me miss him the most... ;)

Jack is displeased.

2011-07-13T20:44:00.000-06:00

He's been the biggest brat in the world since Js has been gone (4 whole days!) and he's driving me absolutely mental.

I've had on average 3-4 hours of quality sleep per night. He knocks shit off my dresser, pats-pats-pats with his feet on my mirror which makes it go cu-clunk-cu-clunk against the wall, meows endlessly, licks my elbows raw, eats my hair... I could go on but I'm too tired.

He's now started to open ALL the kitchen cupboard doors while I'm at work - according to his normal cycle, there are 2 more days of shit to put up with once he starts with the kitchen cupboards - and emptying out the garbage bin ev.ery.where. Oy.

Today, I decided to come home for lunch and look who greeted me at the door, looking quite pleased with himself :

Yes, it's a magic eraser... yes, it's chewed to shits. I mean, sure, a dog could make considerably more damage to a wee sponge but consider that Jack weighs about 11 pounds. This is the most I've caught him eat so I've been following him around the house, paper towel in hand, ready to clean up a steaming pile of vom. Nothing to declare so far.

He misses his daddy so bad it's nuts. There is too much pet love for a single person in this household!

Tat-too-awesome!

2011-07-08T16:04:00.001-06:00

Not for me but probably one of the most amazing things I've ever seen. :)

Shamless Plug - Stella & Dot pretties for everyone!!

2011-07-08T11:09:00.000-06:00

Source : stelladot.com

I'm hosting a Stella & Dot trunk show on the 18th as a wonderful excuse to host a girl's night when Js is away on TD. With the wonderfulness of online shopping, you no longer need to sit through the whole show and pretend to look interested like a good 1960's houswife discovering tupperware for the first time. You can shop online, from miles and miles away and still make your purchase count towards my show! :) Isn't that the effing bomb or what?!

So, hold on to your titties and head over to my awesome stylist's website and pick a pretty! When you go through the checkout, it will ask you for your hostess' name - make sure to enter my full name : Marie Lanoue

It's super easy and super awesome! They have super stylish pieces, some more timeless jewelry, awesome gift ideas, kids stuff, and a whole ton of stuff on sale so you don't have to break your piggy just yet! :)

Happy Canada Day!

2011-07-03T20:33:00.000-06:00

I hope everyone had a great long weekend! We sure did! :) Our friends Maggie and Marc came from Winnipeg to spend a few days and celebrate with us.

Waiting for the fireworks to start at Wascana Park in Regina.


Oooooooh!

Ahhhh!

We had a great time and even visited Mortlach (SK) to take part in the Saskatoon Berry Festival celebrations.

Camping

2011-06-28T14:52:00.001-06:00

Js, Nova and I headed out Saturday morning for Riverhurst, SK to attempt our first camping trip. We were expecting a nice relaxing time and we got just that. It was great to not worry about the time or when what needs to get done. We just walked around, played in the lake with the Noves and just shot the shit until time to go home came around. We would have liked to stay longer but the weather was getting kinda shitty so we packed up after just one night. Definitely will be better prepared for SK weather next time and hopefully get to stay a bit longer.

We didn't even fight setting up the tent. YAY for us!

Smores were enjoyed by all.

Post ADD

2011-06-22T21:21:00.001-06:00

By the time I caught up with my RSS feeds, logged in to Blogger and all that stuff, 4 blog post topics came and went through my overactive little brain. "Went" would be the key word here... *facepalm*

So, unless I decide to delete this blog in it's entirety, here is a collection of random thoughts as they happen over the next couple minutes.

There is a double rainbow in the sky behind our place. I miss my gays. Like, seriously, I feel like a large flaming, disco-dancing, feather-wearing, Cher-loving, foundation-wearing, eyebrow-tweezing, ugly-people-judging part of my life is missing.

I've been obsessing over cute kittens - this is nothing recent - but it seems like the universe *aheminternet* has been throwing cute videos and pictures at me and I'm not about to complain about it.

That is all for now.

Human v1.1

2011-06-17T23:56:00.001-06:00

My friend Chris posted this on FB and I thought it was pretty funny. Especially the thing about entering a room and forgetting why as it applies to me quite frequently.

Now... what was it I wanted to blog about?

I have been tenderized.

2011-06-14T21:36:00.000-06:00

Last night, I finally got an appointment with an RMT (Registered Massage Therapist) - she was recommended to me eons ago and I never got around to seeing her. I've been having intense migraines and I knew something was up with my neck and upper back so a week ago, I decided to give it a shot. She was booked solid until mid-July which totally sucked but she called me yesterday and said if I could come over in 10 minutes, she could see me. I think we may have run a stop sign or two... but we made it on time.

SO worth every penny. Sweet bliss! Sure, I nearly drop kicked her when she reached out to my pectoral muscles through my arm pit... but I can't even being to explain the quality of sleep and just overall awesomeness I'm feeling today. Aside from the soreness, of course. I feel like I worked out for 10 hours straight. Luckily, I got a bit of a break because she only worked the upper part of my body - mainly shoulders and neck. I will definitely be seeing her again for all the other parts.

I had been to SPAs before and had relaxing massages by RMTs but it was never really anything technical or specific. She knew her shit and gave me exercises that I can do at home or at work to stretch so it'll hurt less (sweet jeezus) next time I see her.

I feel like a piece of tenderized meat and it's wonderful.

Airshow ... oops!

2011-06-11T16:51:00.002-06:00

I just realized I totally forgot to blog about this summer's Snowbirds Acceptance show!

The weather was close to perfect for an airshow and it was fun to see everyone come out for the event. As much as lots of people here get tired and unimpressed with them after a while, I still enjoy seeing an air demonstration. I've associated them with Home now and I know when we get posted out of Moose Jaw, they'll remind me of our time here. :)

Crochet : Bunny Hat

2011-06-08T16:41:00.000-06:00

Relay for Life

2011-06-04T13:16:00.001-06:00

Js and I participated in the Relay for Life this year for the first time and it was a great experience. I couldn't stay all night because I had to come back home to Nova and get ready for today's Base wide garage sale. Js got home this morning at 7am and he really had a good time.

For the time I was there I did okay. I had a little moment as we left but otherwise, I took in the experience for all it's worth. I thought it was kinda sad that so many people on Js' team didn't really seem to care all that much about the event and what it stood for. I didn't let that affect me though and did what I wanted to do, when I wanted to do it.

You want me to... what?!

2011-05-27T22:50:00.000-06:00

Funny thing happened to me in the Dr's office...

So as you all know, I live with some anxiety issues (I hate saying "suffer from") and I have no shame in admitting that my tired little brain and shriveled little heart can't take on all by themselves and that I, after much consideration and deliberation with my doctor, decided that medication would be safe and helpful. I've been on it for quite some time now and I have no intentions on being on it forever. I have a whole rant about anxiety medication but I'll save it for another post. Anyhow...

A couple months ago, I visited my doctor to refill my prescription. It was the first time I'd seen her since Mom had passed so when she asked how I was doing I told her what had happened but didn't really but any emphasis and really said it matter-of-factly so that she wouldn't bug me with questions or try to stuff more meds down my throat. It worked because it seems she thought I said my Mom was sick.

But, it made for a funny story this time around...

Her : So how are you doing?
Me : Good. Work's good and things seem to finally be looking up. *smile*
Her : Great! So, you've been on this medication for quite some time now... do you think it would be a good time to start thinking of lowering your dose?
Me : I'm sorry, what?
Her : Well, I know you don't want to be on them for longer than you absolutely need. Do you think now would be a good time to start thinking of stopping them?
Me : HA!
Her : *confused*
Me : Do you want a short synopsis of the last 8 months of my life?!
Her : *confused more*

I won't go into much detail because you pretty much know the story.

Her : *silent*
Me : So... yeah... no.
Her : Do you want more?

Long Weekend Laze

2011-05-21T10:02:00.000-06:00

What are your plans for the long weekend?
Ours : Nadda.

We are kicking back lazy style this weekend it seems. We are totally poor due to some unplanned expenses earlier this month - I won't bore you with the details - and the fact that our pay schedules are just balls lately. Js being paid twice a month and me every two weeks, most times it works wonderfully but this month, it works out that we go two weeks on my salary alone instead of just one week so we need to stretch it out a bit more if we don't want to dig into our savings or load up our credit card.

Yesterday was good though. Js got a promotion (Go babe!) and we went out for lunch and started looking at getting a new kitchen table set. Not to purchase right now but just looking at some different options of what we'd like. Then we rented a movie and got some take out pitas for dinner. Yum.

I'm hoping to get started sorting out some garage sale stuff this weekend too. We have a Base wide garage sale each spring out here and it's normally pretty good so I'm hoping to have a chance to declutter before then and make the most of it. I'm going to go through all the boxes we've been storing in the basement over the last year so that should clear up a bit of our storage space. For what? More crap!

Right now, our spare bedrooms upstairs are divided as such : Office/guest-bedroom and Where-shit-goes-to-die. Why not split up the office and guest bedroom and make the most of our space?! Maybe even convince Js to paint a wall or two in the process... or make me a super-duper-awesome yarn organizer. :)

Have a great May Long everyone!

Tattoo-itch-factor : 7 out of a possible 10
Allergies-pissing-me-off-o-gram : 6 out of a possible 10

I'm falling apart.

2011-05-19T21:31:00.000-06:00

Like, seriously.

My fingers hurt like hell due to my incessant crocheting these past few days. I've been trying to catch up and keep up with all the projects I have going on at the same time - why do I do this to myself? - and it's just been taking up most of my concentra... wha?

My tattoo is healing nicely but it's itching like a little bitch. It's so bad, I sometimes have to put down my crochet (!!) to tap-tap-tap on it to stop the itching. I follow Js around everywhere with a tub of Vitamin E Body Butter with sad puppy eyes. "Honey! You're home! LOTION!" And the phrase "It puts the lotion on it's skin, or else it gets the hose." just crosses my mind way too many times a day to still call myself sane.

My allergies are nutso. I think I may have found this year's medication cocktail but it still needs a bit of fine tuning. When cover lunches at the reception desk at work - right by the two big sets of doors - it's like I just rubbed a canola flower in my face. Now, let me get one thing straight. I'm well aware that it's not canola season yet - I'm saying it's "like" canola... which only means that it's going to get worse before it gets better.

Happy May Long Weekend everyone?!

Tattoo'ed up! :)

2011-05-15T21:21:00.000-06:00

It's done! I got my third tattoo done on Wednesday and it's beyond anything I'd imagined it would be.

I was good and didn't sob like a wee child. It took 3 hours total, including all the sketching and forms to fill and stuff. Well worth it, every second of it! The artist was the same guy who did my foot last year so it was great feeling comfortable and confident that he'd do an amazing job. I ran into him today and he asked to see how it was healing. He said she was healing beautifully and of course, if I need touch ups to just give him a call. Nice man. :)

Anywhos... I haven't had the guts to post a picture of it on Facebook just yet but... I think I'm ready to post one on here.

Without further ado :

Tomorrow

2011-05-07T22:07:00.000-06:00

Tomorrow is Mother's Day and I really wish it wasn't. I've been doing an amazing job (I think) at living in denial and now, thanks to Hallmark my efforts are shot to hell.

Hopefully I get out of this rut and my little self-inflicted pity-party ends soon.

New tattoo

2011-05-01T19:40:00.000-06:00

The countdown starts until my next tattoo! :)

On May 11th, I'm getting my third tattoo and I'm super pumped about it.

You'll have to tune in to find out what it's all about... ;o)

Happy Easter!

2011-04-24T11:19:00.002-06:00

Anxiety

2011-04-22T21:46:00.000-06:00

I refuse to let it ruin my life. Even though it seems like just something else I'm failing at these days...

It's no secret that I have some problems dealing with anxiety and I've been working really hard this past year (at least) at moving forward and getting over my fears and issues. With the many massive changes that have happened over the last 6 months of my life, it's been even more difficult to overcome the hurdles of my past.

In a way, my mother's passing has helped me deal with some of the underlying crap I've been holding on to. Things I was afraid of telling her and things I couldn't bring myself to hurting her with have sort of taken the front seat and allowed me to deal with them head on and shamelessly. I don't have to tip-toe around my words anymore as much as I used to and that's allowed me to grow and come to terms with lots of it. It's also helped me open up about these issues to Js and that helps him understand why I'm as crazy as I am to some level. I know this all sounds really vague and weird but I'm not entirely ready to blog about the bulk of my damage so you'll just have to read between the lines for now and let your imagination run free.

That being said, I can't keep blaming everything on my past. It's not like I'm running out of anxiety sources in my every day life... ha!

This lifestyle has it's ups and downs and lately I feel like I've been handed more downs than ups. Mind you, I can't really complain about our quality of life out here compared to some horror stories I've heard from friends across the country. Some days, I like to stare at the wall and have a little pity party of my own. This is one of those days and it just happens to be the eve of Js' return from deployment and it sucks balls.

I know it's a normal part of homecoming to have some mixed feelings, feeling nervous and anxious and all that... but throw in a healthy dose of PMS and blizzards in April and you've got one very, very crusty military wife.

Truth is, some of the people here are really starting to pull at my last nerve and I feel more and more like locking myself up in my house and praying for a posting message out. I hate feeling this way because we do have some great friends and I've been blessed with a great, albeit temporary, job opportunity - I can't help but feel like we still have things to see and stuff to live out here.

I know most these feelings are linked to my anxiety and it makes it really hard to express my feelings, especially when I'm being emotional (read : irrational). I flipped out at Js today over the phone for something totally stupid, something that could have waited until he got home and we could have talked it out more constructively instead of me screeching on the phone.

Truth is, I just want him home. I just want him to get it when I need someone to tell me it's going to be okay and reassure me when I'm feeling insecure. Is that so much to ask? Is that so hard? When he's home, he can gage my anxiety better and he can sort of pad the walls and minimize the damage. I know it's not healthy to use him as a crutch and I don't think that's what I'm doing, but I also know it's not healthy to attempt to fix the broken pieces of your life and leaving your husband completely out of it.

It's all about finding a balance - with the anxiety, with Js, with my emotions - and focusing on what's good. Anxiety is not just something people use to blame their mood swings on or to express emotions, it's a mental state and an invisible disease.

//end pity-party.

Crochet : Teeny Hat

2011-04-21T15:46:00.000-06:00

Disclaimer : Hold on to your panties, everyone. I am not pregnant. I made this hat for a friend who's expecting.

New beginnings are always the same

2011-04-19T19:36:00.000-06:00

At the beginning of the month, the Powers That Be decided that my position within the organization was no longer necessary and it got eliminated. I was really really sad, upset and I felt cheated. I'd never applied for that position, I was offered it instead of something else because it was supposed to be more stable. Wah-wah. Anyways, I had only a couple days to work left before my trip to Ontario so I knew I wouldn't have to drag my feet around the office for the full two weeks of notice they gave me having banked all the hours to cover my absence already.

Luckily enough, someone from another department in the same building as us heard and asked me for my resume right away! I interviewed for a position in their department to cover someone's mat leave over the phone while I was in Ontario and ran to the office to do the practical part of the interview as soon as I got back to SK. That afternoon, I got a call and they offered me the job. Hurray!

So yeah. That's what I've been up to. Today was my first day and it felt kinda funny seeing all my old coworkers but sitting at a different desk. I actually had people come up to me with questions relating to my old position. I'm pretty sure I'm going to enjoy it - it's a bit faster pace than my old job and a bit more diverse so I'm looking forward to learning something new.

My new boss gave me a little plant and a little note with a clever little saying about new beginnings that slips mind right now but I thought it was really cute. It made me realize that life is full of new beginnings - especially this life - and to embrace change is the only thing that keeps me sane.

Thoughts?

2011-04-17T09:27:00.000-06:00

Fellow blogger and crocheter, Yarn Devil, has asked me how I added that "Thoughts?" clickity-doo-dad at the bottom of each post.

You can click on the picture to see it bigger. Basically, in the "Design" tab of your Blogger page, click the little "Edit" link that's in the "Blog Posts" box. Then check the little box and customize the dood-dads however you'd like.

Voila! :)

Neglect

2011-04-16T10:21:00.000-06:00

Lately, I feel like I've neglected some of the things that matter most to me and I'm not exactly proud of myself. Over the last months I've neglected friendships, I've neglected to recognize my emotions, my projects and my health.

Spending all this time by myself, I came to the conclusion that I've allowed neglect to take over my life and I want to move on and change that - hopefully for good. Neglect can be devastating but it can also be a good thing in the sense that it helps you see what matters - what can't really go on unless you put in some effort. I think this blog has been the clearest example and really brought the reality home for me. It can't go on unless I sit here and reflect on my life, my values and beliefs or work hard to find humor in the simplest things. These are all things I cherish - why can't I seem to gather the strength to do it regularly anymore?

That's where the hard work comes in. I know, deep down inside, that it's mostly because I don't want to see what I have to deal with. I don't know what to post about anymore because I've neglected everything around me and it's hard to admit.

I've neglected friends and relationships and I'm not really proud of it. I have to work harder, care more and call often. I also have to work on myself. I have to make healthier choices even if it's harder in the long run (and means more dishes), I have to be honest with myself and reconnect with my values and what I stand for.

It seems like a lot of work but I think once I get one of these aspects under construction, the rest will just fall into place. No one can help me but myself so I really have to suck it up and get crackin'.

Crochet : Super Chunky Neck Warmer

2011-04-05T22:32:00.000-06:00

Spring is here!!

Phone reception

2011-03-31T22:39:00.000-06:00

I'd forgotten what it felt like to hang up the phone not knowing when the next time we'll be able to talk will be. *sigh* I worked really really hard at not crying and almost succeeded.

The phone reception really really sucked in his room so I guess it's just a glimpse of how shitty we can expect satellite phones to be. Ugh. We couldn't find a straight answer on when/how often he'd be able to call home so I literally have not a hot clue of when I'll hear from him again.

Also, random thought : Funny how we say "phone reception" instead of "phone connection" with the digital era. :)

Crochet : Cat toy

2011-03-28T07:28:00.001-06:00

A wee fortune cookie for my wee kitty.

I'm currently working on a SUPER-GEEKY project... nowhere near done but I'm already super excited about it. :)

Lonely Baloney

2011-03-27T21:11:00.000-06:00

Js is gone. :( The day went surprisingly well though. We got ready to head to Regina and packed a couple last minute things like toothbrush and jammies then we were on our way. We beat the rush at breakfast but it started snowing so we headed to the airport early so I could drive back to MJ before it got really bad. I was good and didn't make a scene at the airport and didn't explode when I got home either. Might be due to my delicious dinner of chips and ice cream. :)

You know the Elvis song that goes "Only the lonely..." Well, when I was little, I thought it said "Lonely Baloney" and always felt bad for it and didn't get why Baloney was so lonely when the deli counter at the store was so full.

It's ruined the song for me forever. And by "ruined" I mean "awesomeized".

Leaving so soon...

2011-03-24T10:10:00.000-06:00

Js is leaving in a handful of days and I really don't know how to feel about it.

I'm glad I was able to take a few days off and spend some time at home to wrap my mind around everything that's going on. I'm happy that he's going because he's been waiting for so long, it's a safe and pretty much risk-free deployment and it's only for a short month. Also, it's been quite a while since we've had to be a part and there is a small part of me who's looking forward to having the bed to myself... :)

There's also the part of me who wishes he wasn't going. It'll be a super busy month and having him around would be really helpful this month. Plus, he'll be missing my birthday (again!) so that kinda sucks. I'm thankful that my friend has decided to drive out to Moose Jaw for Easter weekend so I won't feel totally alone in the world. Sure, I have friends here, but I know that seeing them without Js being around is going to make me miss him even more.

I feel like we've grown so much together in the last week - more so than perhaps in the last couple months. I know this deployment is going to be good for us. For our relationship, to remember what it's like to live without each other and to be anxious to be home together again. We tend to take these things for granted after a while, I think.

This deployment also puts a small hold on some of our summer plans, so I'm anxious for it to be over and we can keep working on our current projects. We're looking at another TD (Temporary Duty - usually away from the home base) month this summer so we'll need to figure out how to plan around that one too.

So that's what's going on. :)

Dearest Blog, I'm sorry to bore you but...

2011-03-09T15:44:00.000-06:00

I've neglected to post over the last few days but I have a good excuse. You see, I figured you'd get bored if I posted with great detail every time the CF changed Js' deployment and training plan/schedule. Considering my last post to this regard was on March 1st and the plans changed 4 times until we got a 60% solid answer yesterday, you can clearly understand why I decided to spare you the agony.

I told Js I don't want to know where he's going and when until he's packing his bags with one hand and holding on to his plane ticket with the other.

Putting things in perspective, it's not that much of a huge deal that he's leave... it's where, when and for how long that matters. We really want to go on our honey moon and I really need to go visit my Dad in Ontario this summer. Unless they make up their minds and stick to it soon, I might scream.

Sincerely yours,

Marie

Curve ball is curved

2011-03-01T07:34:00.000-06:00

You remember about a week ago, I posted about Js' deployment opportunities... well things changed twice in that same day. And then twice again since then.

I'm at a point where I don't want to know anything until he's packing his bags.

Crochet : Puffy hat

2011-02-22T08:33:00.000-06:00

I made this hat using a puff-stitch and a super soft and comfy yarn. It doesn't look like it but it's super warm and is really easily made larger or smaller.

Deployment curve ball

2011-02-20T10:02:00.000-06:00

Js was supposed to be deploying some time next month. He got the message and everything was going as planned... until this morning.

Firstly, I'd like to point out that I was totally okay with the deployment. It was a short one, safe and chances for extensions were pretty much non-existent. When it comes to deployments, it's pretty much the best you can ask for.

In true military fashion, all got flipped around. Instead of deploying, he's going on a 10 week long course which totally drop kicks our summer and honeymoon plans in the face. I'm happy he's going on the course but it'll take a bit of time to reconfigure our summer and try as best we can not to let it postpone our honeymoon once again. Ugh.

Baking fun : Stormtrooper Cake

2011-02-15T21:28:00.000-06:00

I will blog more about this when I regain enough energy.

Crochet : Scarf for Js

2011-02-13T09:57:00.003-06:00

Here's a project I completed with my newly acquired crochet skills. Js picked out the yarn all by himself, it's super soft and warm!

Do I have a heart?

2011-02-11T09:54:00.001-06:00

... I guess a better question would be : is it fully functional?

I've noticed a pretty constant tendency among friends and acquaintances (thanks Facebook) and it's really making me feel ... odd. Lately, there seems to be more "Everything in my life is going super well, *insert name of deceased parent here* must have something to do with it!" or "Everything in my life is going to shit, *insert name of deceased parent here* help me please!" and I just can't seem to relate.

When things go well, I don't think it's because my Mom is watching over me and plucking out all the obstacles on my path. I don't think she's there, watching over my shoulder and changing my life as an "active player". Like pushing me out of the way when I'm dumb enough to run in front of a bus or keeping my workplace free of conflict in some weird way. I tend to think that the reason I don't run in front of a bus is because she thought me, as a kid, to look both ways before crossing the street. I also think that I'm happy at work because she's thought me to speak my mind and to face and resolve conflict when it gets in my way.

When everything is going to shite, I have a hard time thinking she's going to reach down (or sideways) and help me out. Yes, my memories of her are reassuring but that's what they are - memories. I dig down, look deeply into my shriveled little heart and find the strength to carry on as I would if she was still here. I always wanted to show her how strong I could be and how I could make it in this world on my own and she didn't need to worry about me even if I knew she did. Why would I stop doing that now? She thought me better than that - better than to give up and better than to rely on anything else than my own strength.

I think she gave me the tools to live my life as I do and be confident about my beliefs, my values and my self so that I could (try to) make the best decisions and when I didn't, to be able to deal with it. She always trusted me to make the best decisions for myself even if I haven't always been the sharpest tool in the shed - she knew I had the smarts to get out of it later. Her impact on my life is ongoing but it relies on everything she's thought me over the first 26 years of my life, everything from here on in is my own. My way to honor her is to show myself and everyone who knew her that she was an outstanding mother.

This is just the way I see things and how I deal with my own grief - it's not better or worse than any other way... I just wonder sometimes if I'm being insensitive or if I'm simply being me.

New Hobby : Crochet

2011-02-04T08:49:00.000-06:00

Yes, ladies and gays, I have started to crochet. I've been having a hard time finding a hobby that would work for me.

I can't pick anything that requires the TV because well I need a hobby the most is when Js is playing video games. I have tried playing video games but can't play them for very long... I tend to get bored fairly quickly. I do enjoy the Sims and Little Big Planet but it comes in waves.

I really enjoy baking and cooking too but when our freezer is full of prepared goodness and I run out of people to force feed my cupcakes to, I'm back to square one. It's not something I can always do when I'm bored or that's quick to pick up and put down. Also, the dishes kinda make it more work than hobby.

I also really enjoy taking pictures but I'm nowhere near having enough experience, knowledge or equipment to really get immersed in photography. I'm getting there though with the help of my patient, patient friends who allow me to take millions of photos of their kids. My pets now run away at the sight of the camera.

Crochet is perfect! It doesn't cost much, doesn't take much space or preparation and it's something that I can actually use. Sure, eventually I'll be all stocked up on scarves and dishcloths but eventually I'll learn to make something new. I believe I promised (read : threatened with) Nick a tea-pot cozy.

Another plus : it's immensely entertaining for the cat.

TL;DR

2011-02-02T21:32:00.001-06:00

This is what happens when I don't sleep.

Created by yours truly.

Status update : I've had it.

2011-01-22T22:56:00.001-06:00

I have had it with stupid "will you dare repost this?" or "repost this as your status for one hour if you care" nonsense. Seriously. I'm furious with the world.

As my current status update shows...

Hockey Babe

2011-01-21T10:30:00.000-06:00

In high school, my then-boyfriend was a total hockey player. I went to every match and hung out with the gang before and after games. He was tall and huge but really, deep down inside he was a total shmoo. After he and I broke up, I had a tendency to gravitate around hockey guys without even knowing. If I met someone interesting, chances were he watched hockey, played hockey or at least he wished he could.

When Js and I started dating, my friends *coughmaggiecough* teased me because he'd never even put on a hockey jersey. The first one he ever wore was mine. As Maggie kindly put it "I think you've tried the whole hockey-guy thing and we know it doesn't work." - she knows me so well... and was so right. Js kept saying he was surprised I agreed to date him because he wasn't a hockey player and all that jazz... after I told him what Maggie said, he loved her even more. :)

Then he joined the military, started working out and we moved to Moose Jaw. All these things pointed to playing hockey so he decided to give it a try. He was able to rent some equipment for the first year because he had no idea if he'd actually like it or not. Now, he can't get enough of it. He plays 2 to 3 games a week... sometimes up to 4-5 when he plays for 2 different teams. Mind you, I don't go to every game because... well... we're not in high school anymore and let's face it, their goalies aren't nearly as attractive.

I'm happy Js found a sport that he loves and the fact that it's hockey makes it even more fun! ;)

Go Babe!

Nova got spoiled

2011-01-20T10:29:00.000-06:00

We drove to Regina on Monday because we needed to buy more food for Jacko and Nova ended up being the one getting spoiled at the pet supply store.

This winter has been especially cold and when we walk her for too long, she just drops to the ground and tries to warm herself up when she gets too cold. Then we have to stand there and freeze until she's warm enough to keep walking. Le sigh. Js decided she needed a coat and I decided it needed to be stylish. She is a fancy lady after all. :)

We also got her a new bed for the living room because the one in her crate was getting a bit ew so her living-room bed got demoted to crate-bed to make room for this prettier and matchy-matchy-er one.


Work it.

New camera fun!

2011-01-10T22:50:00.000-06:00

A bit ago I promised to post some pictures taken with my new Canon Rebel camera Js bought me for Christmas.

We took Nova to the Wakamow Valley park here in Moose Jaw and everyone had tons of fun. Her with a frozen tennis ball, Js chasing her around and me with my new toy.

Hi.

My dog. She's skilled.

It was a gorgeous day.

We bought a new ride! :)

2011-01-08T21:07:00.000-06:00

Yup, just like that. :)

We've been looking to upgrade our VW Rabbit for quite some time now and we finally found something that would work for us. We wanted something more practical, easier for traveling and something to brave the Prairie winters.

We decided on a Santa Fe 2010 - it's indigo blue and it comes with all the fixins. Obviously, the picture is bellow isn't a photo of ours but it's what I could find on the net in a pinch.

We are SUPER excited to finally stop counting KMs (our Rabbit was on lease) and to be able to plan road trips without worrying about Nova's comfort. It's a pretty huge leap but I think it's well deserved.

With that, we're on another no-restaurants-month again to save some dough and to get back to regular (more reasonable) eating habits post Holidays.

Happy New Year!

2010-12-31T23:59:00.000-06:00

2010 has been a pretty intense year, good for the bloggin'. Here's hoping 2011 brings equally, if not more bloggin' but on more positive terms.

In 2010 we got married, I got a new job that I love, I lived and I learned. Without a doubt, 2010 had it's ups but it also had it's downs over the last few months. I lost my mother in early October and my grand-father two days before Christmas so I'm anxious for the year to end.

As I've said before, I don't believe you can go wake up one morning and everything changes just because you get to use your new calendar. But I do believe that it means spring and summer are coming back and it also means time is moving on.

To me, this year, the New Year is a reminder that time always moves on, no matter how much we wish it didn't. I wished I could stop time when my Mom was sick to keep her with me a bit longer but time passed and what was meant to happen, happened. Life goes on and we have to make that extra effort to keep moving with it.

Thanks for being there for me, dearest reader(s) in 2010 and hopefully I'll have tons to blog about again in 2011 so you'll stick around. All the best to you and yours for the New Year! :)

Hurray for Christmas presies!

2010-12-30T11:49:00.000-06:00

Here is a quick photo of the lovely, lovely Christmas presents that my lovely, lovely husband got for me! :) Did I mention I love him? Well, I do.

I'm about half way through Kat Von D's book and I'm enjoying it quite a bit. It's pretty inspiring and it's nice to see the other side of the LA Ink as viewed by Kat. There are also quite a few references of artists that I'm look forward to research and get to know and discover. Definitely inspiring... though I've found two typos so far.

I haven't started reading the LOST encyclopedia but I'm looking forward to that. It's HUGE and I'm sure filled with tons of goodies.

We went out to the park the other day (before I was glued to bed with super-bug illness) and I got to test drive my new Canon Rebel camera and enjoy watching Js and Nova play fetch on the frozen river. Oh my! I'll be sure to post some shots soon. Stay tuned...

Did I mention I broke a tooth?

2010-12-29T23:44:00.000-06:00

Earlier this week, Js and I went out for some Vietnamese deliciousness as part of our mental prep for our month-of-no-eating-out starting January 4th. Wish us luck!

So, about my tooth. I was munching away quietly on some rice vermicelli, of all things, when I felt a little *tik* in my mouth. The filling I got when I was like 10 years old that I thought was starting to feel gritty was apparently a cavity. It somehow took hold of about a forth of my tooth and well... now I'm left with only 3/4.

It didn't really hurt but it sure felt weird. I can brush my teeth normally but I'm being careful and I rinse as often as I can. I have to call the dentist tomorrow and see. I wanted to call them earlier but with my recent super-bug flu, I figured it was kind of bad timing. I would have found plenty of creative uses for their little doo-dad that sucks up spit. Ew.

I hate going to the dentist... which is (I know... I know...) the reason for my current state. There really is no reason for me to skip the regular visits since we get some great benefits but... owwwie!

So sickly.

2010-12-28T11:09:00.000-06:00

Last week, while I was in Ontario, Js claimed he got food poisoning from some bad pesto. He was intensely sick for two days and was still a bit shaky when I got home like five days later.

Let me tell you, it was not bad pesto.
It was the flu because now I'm the one who's violently ill with a bad case of the flu.

Now, these wise words from my loving husband echo in my head :"Well, if you have what I had last week... let me tell you one thing : It's gunna suck."

You know you're old when...

2010-12-27T09:37:00.000-06:00

This morning, I wanted to look up some info about my little cousin's career as a hockey player. He got recruited for a Quebec Major Junior Hockey League team and it's a pretty big deal - apparently. Anyways... I figured I'd get caught up on the hype and see what it was all about. Harmless enough, right?!

Putting my best Google-searching skills forward, I started searching the intertubes for some content.

It all came to an abrupt halt when I found his online dating profile.

I'm old.

Merry Christmas!

2010-12-25T09:38:00.000-06:00

It was hard enough getting Nova to stay still for a couple seconds, I didn't get a chance to include Jacko in the picture - he sends his love.

Finally, you can rest.

2010-12-23T23:59:00.000-06:00

After a 5 year battle against cancer and a 5 month long hospital stay... my Grand-Pa can finally rest in peace. No more pain and suffering - he vowed he'd be out of the hospital for Christmas and he got his wish.

I had to fly back to Saskatchewan on the afternoon after he passed away and it was hard to leave my family behind when they are in so much pain. I made it through and now I'm supporting them as best I can from a distance.

Small break

2010-12-18T09:04:00.002-06:00

I'm taking a wee break from the challenge while I'm in Ontario "celebrating" the Holidays with (what's left of) my family.

Not bitter at all.

Anywhos... I'll get right back at 'er soon enough. :)

Day 06 - A picture of your morning.

2010-12-17T09:36:00.000-06:00

This is a morning-after-picture of me, post 25th-birthday-celebration in a hotel room in Regina. It was a fun night but the morning was not nearly as pleasant. :)

Day 05 - A picture of your night.

2010-12-16T09:32:00.000-06:00

My Bachelorette Party was absolutely perfect - a night for me to celebrate with my ladies! :)

Day 04 - A picture of a person you'd love to trade places with for a day.

2010-12-15T20:36:00.000-06:00

I thought long and hard (!!) about this one all day and I seriously can't think of anyone I'd want to trade places with for a day.

Sure, my life isn't perfect but it's what I made of it and I love it with all it's ups and downs. Parts of it sucks (a lot - especially lately) but parts of it are still beautiful and I've learned to enjoy even the simplest things that make me so happy.

I know this is only a writing exercise and I tried to get a different perspective but I couldn't think of anyone. I mean sure, I wonder sometimes what it would be like to be rich and famous or what it would be like to be Mother Theresa or something... but life's a matter of perspective and I'd rather see the people I admire from the outside and be inspired by them. Imagine if you "became" Mother Theresa (in her "alive" days, of course) and discovered her deepest thoughts were all selfish and evil and you'd have to smell her old lady farts all day. I don't know how I feel about that.

My answer sucks but that's what I've gained from it.

Day 03 - A picture of the cast from your favorite show.

2010-12-14T16:58:00.003-06:00

LOST is definitely my favorite TV show in all my history of TV watching. I loved the mystery and the thrills and the way the show left so much for the viewer to dissect and adapt to their very own perception of the show.

Click here if you'd like to read up on all my ramblings about the wonderful universe that is LOST.

Also, if you think I'm one of those crazy people who went all out and made t-shirts and a huge deal about the series finally... you are so, so right.

Day 02 - A picture of you and the person you have been closest with the longest.

2010-12-13T16:45:00.000-06:00

Maggie and I have been bestest friends since we were about 6 or 7 years old. She came up to me and asked if I wanted to be her friend and I said yes. I guess, on some level, I appreciated her upfront-ness and knew she'd be someone I could count on for her honesty and genuineness for the rest of my life.

You know how everyone says you shouldn't move in with your best friend because that always ruins friendship? That rule (or any other rule, for that matter) does not apply to us. We lived together for three years when we moved to Ottawa to go to college or university.

Then she moved in with her boyfriend, now husband, and we kept in touch with nearly-weekly coffee dates or crap-food-eating fests at a nearby Denny's.

Maggie also encouraged me to "go for it" and give in to my feelings for Js. When Js and I were finally good and ready to admit we dating she was thrilled. As the universe wanted it, we'd have something else to bring us even closer together. Both our husbands-to-be were in the Air Force.

Now only once province away, we make a point of visiting each other every chance we get and spend countless hours emailing back and forth in the mean time.

The above picture was taken at Maggie's wedding - it was a gorgeous day!

Day 01 - A picture of yourself with fifteen facts.

2010-12-12T16:43:00.000-06:00

1. I live in Moose Jaw, Saskatchewan.
2. I am being shot at with a Nerf gun.
3. I'm married to the man of my dreams, Js.
4. Said man of my dreams is currently shooting at my cat with a Nerf gun.
5. I have a cat names Jack and a dog named Nova.
6. I get really annoyed by Nerf guns.
7. I have been blogging for a little over two years.
8. I'm a military spouse.
9. My first language is French.
10. I'm short.
11. I really enjoy Indian food.
12. I love to bake and cook.
13. I love my job.
14. I am, yet again, being shot at with a Nerf gun.
15. I can be surprisingly patient, at times.

A challenge to get out of this rut.

2010-12-11T09:12:00.000-06:00

I've been having a hard time putting words to computer screen lately which is really odd for me. To help me get out of this rut and hopefully get back into the blogging swing of things, I've decided to complete a small challenge.

Pretty much a million Facebook friends of mine have been posting about this (mind you, most my Facebook friends are geeks so this may be totally lame) challenge and I woke up this morning with the silly idea to do it and post it on my blog. Hopefully, it'll also keep me motivated to post during the Holiday season.

So here's what it's all about :

Day 01 - A picture of yourself with fifteen facts.
Day 02 - A picture of you and the person you have been closest with the longest.
Day 03 - A picture of the cast from your favorite show.
Day 04 - A picture of a person you'd love to trade places with for a day.
Day 05 - A picture of your night.
Day 06 - A picture of your morning
Day 07 - A picture of you over ten years ago.
Day 08 - A picture that makes you laugh.
Day 09 - A picture of you in your room.
Day 10 - A picture of the person you do the most messed up things with.
Day 11 - A picture of something you hate.
Day 12 - A picture of something you love.
Day 13 - A picture of your favorite band or artist.
Day 14 - A picture of someone you could never imagine your life without.
Day 15 - A picture of something you want to do before you die.
Day 16 - A picture of someone who inspires you.
Day 17 - A picture you're tagged in on facebook, but not actually in
Day 18 - A picture of you had no idea was being taken.
Day 19 - A picture of you drunk.
Day 20 - A picture of somewhere you'd love to travel.
Day 21 - A picture of something you wish you could forget.
Day 22 - A picture of something you wish you were better at.
Day 23 - A picture of your favorite book.
Day 24 - A picture of something you wish you could change.
Day 25 - A picture of your day.
Day 26 - A picture of the last vacation you were on.
Day 27 - A picture of yourself and a family member.
Day 28 - A picture of you on your birthday.
Day 29 - A picture at a time where everything was changing.

Firstly, I don't really know why it's called the 30 day challenge but it only has 29 days to it. If you have a revised list, please feel free to let me know.

Secondly, I'm not sure I'll post an actual picture for all of them but I'll try - this is after all, a blogging exercise for me so I'm going to focus on writing a little sumthin' sumthin'.

There goes nothing...

Holiday Preps

2010-11-23T01:00:00.000-06:00

The Holiday preparations have officially started at the "L." household! :) Last year, we waited until the last possible moment and then got hit with a monster snow storm so the lights never went up outside. This year, my nagging worked and we produced a very disorganized and amateurish display of colorful lights tangled in the branches of our dying tree. Oh, the joys of the season.

Nova was there to ensure the quality of our work.

And behold, the glamorous results :

Freezing Fog

2010-11-21T00:57:00.001-06:00

The view from our backyard last week.

Quiet

2010-11-18T14:46:00.000-06:00

I know I've been slacking in the blog department recently. I'd like to say "I've had so much going on!" but that's not even an excuse. There really isn't that much happening... well... that much worth writing about. Life is just trucking along - business as usual.

But what have I been doing with all my free time? I haven't had that much, seriously. I've been keeping up with other online and offline projects. New job requires me to sit in front of a computer for most of the day so when I get home, I just want to sit there and turn off my brain.

I've been learning a lot about my surroundings, about myself and about my family within the past months since Mom passed away. I'm still taking it all in and most times, not really in the mood to share. I've been a bit more introvert than usual and I think it's a good thing.

I find lately I've been longing for silence. I find myself needing "quiet time" during the day - either when I get home from work or at night after dinner. I want to turn off the TV, unplug everything and just sit there with a cup of tea or a book. I've never had this longing before and it's really strange. I've just been rushed through so many emotions, I want a couple minutes to allow my mind to sit still.

I am not so much looking forward to the holidays this year. I'm going to be visiting my Dad and family mid-December and returning to Saskatchewan just in time to spend Christmas day with Js, Jack and Nova - a Christmas we didn't get to celebrate together last year. I know we made the right decision with regards to my trip home but I'm still struggling with knowing that my Dad will wake up by himself Christmas day.

Dog vs Mat

2010-11-07T12:21:00.001-06:00

I was quietly preparing dinner (zapping some left over lasagna I slaved over the day before) and I heard a weird noise coming from the side door. Kinda like a "hacking" noise but I knew Jacko was upstairs. "Shite! The dog's about to puke and she's asking for the door!" *runs paper towel in hand*

I slammed on the breaks before I got too close when I saw what was really going on. We'd given Nova the end of a raw-hide in the morning so we could play video games - yes, we're horrible pet owners. My precious, brilliant dog had decided she wanted to bury it somewhere in the house. After searching high and low, she decided behind the side door was the best option. She could then cover it with the mat.

The noise I heard was her trying to push the little mat around with her nose... front paws solidly planted on it. So there she was, pushing with all her might and holding it down in place blinded by her determination. I stood there, laughing and waiting to see what she would do next. In my defense, I didn't know how bad it was at this point - it was just horribly cute. After a while she figured it out (!!) and started scratching and nudging the mat in place. Eventually she had done it, the little raw-hide was (almost) entirely hidden under a giant pile of mat.

She looks over at me with so much pride and happiness like she was saying : Look Ma, no one will ever find it now! Tell me I'm a good girl! I look a bit closer and notice something is a bit off on her face and the mat and floor are covered in streaks of... what is this? Blood?! Nova rug-burned her nose. Like, bleeding and all. She worked so hard she never felt a thing but now she has a little bald spot on the top of her nose, it's kinda scabbing and a bit gross but healing.

Nova : 0
Mat : 1

--blank stare--

2010-10-24T12:50:00.001-06:00

I must have started to write 8 different blog posts over the last two weeks. It's been especially difficult to but words to paper (computer screen?) because it's hard to figure out where to start. So many emotions that I can't even begin to explain and so many thoughts, I don't know where to start.

I'm settling in back at home and getting used to the new life. Coming back to a new job also means a totally new lifestyle for us but it'll all work out in the end. I've been keeping busy with friends, work and some stuff I've been meaning to do around the house. Let's hope that lasts me long enough so I can get back to semi-normal life.

Yesterday I had a moment. I talked to my Dad on the phone and it was just a reminder of how far away he is. It's easy to pretend that he just lives down the street, that my Mom is just at work. When reminders come along, that's when it gets rough. I can't just call her at work or leave her a Facebook message asking her to call me later. She won't. She's gone and I don't want to be reminded.

Mom

2010-10-10T09:41:00.000-06:00

We said farewell to my Mom last Tuesday night. She gave in to a massive infection after two days of struggles. Her cancer was so advanced that her body couldn't climb back up - even if it had, she would have had maybe one or two weeks until the cancer took over and her body start to shut down. She went peacefully surrounded by loved ones.

Thanks for being here, reading and lending me a shoulder to get through this.

Home is where your cat is.

2010-10-04T11:28:00.000-06:00

I never thought I could miss a little fuzzy thing like my Jacko so damn much. Yes, I do miss Js and Nova and everyone else but missing Jack's been pretty difficult in this whole situation.

I miss Js with all my heart but I can call him, I know he's there for me and thinking about me while I'm away. I know he wishes he could be here with me during this difficult time to support me and my family and that is incredibly comforting.

Since I adopted Jack 5 years ago (already!), he's always been there. I've always been able to find comfort in snuggling my nose in his neck and falling asleep to his soft purr. When old boyfriends dumped me, when Js left, when Js came back, when Js left again and came back again and left again, when I decided I was moving wherever Js got posted, when I found out it was Saskatchewan, when I miss my family, when I opened up old wounds to learn to live again - Jack was always there. He's my constant and when I look at him, I know I'm where I should be. It's silly really, to attach such a huge emotional hook to a small kitty cat who can't even talk let alone understand everything that I rely on him for. Maybe it's just that. He's there no matter how much I depend on him, he can't talk back and he lets me make my own decisions and just snuggles.

The challenges that I've faced this week definitely call for a very long snuggles session between Jacko and me to restore my strength and courage. He's 3000kms away and it sucks.

Hard

2010-10-03T19:20:00.000-06:00

A lot of things in life are hard. Like rocks or the table's leg against my pinky toe.

I consider myself a pretty strong person. I have my moments of weakness but overall I keep a strong face and cry in the shower like everyone else.

This past week's been quite testing. With my Mom at the hospital, I've had to face some very unexpected situations and put on my game face for the rest of the world. Yes, I know I'm allowed to be sad and upset and fed up. Yes, yes I know.

Today, I added a couple notches to my strength belt. My Mom being drugged up and unable to string two or three words together, my Dad and I had to answer the Doctor's questions when it came to her wishes as far as efforts to keep her alive should anything happen while in ICU. To look a total stranger straight in the face and share something so intimate, so devastating.

It's scratching away at the very last and very thin layer of denial that I have left. Exposing the wound in all it's magnitude and pouring in the salt.

and it's only the beginning.

Up in the air

2010-09-29T21:32:00.001-06:00

Everything is.

Yesterday, Js came to see me at work. We stepped out of the store and he told me he just got a call from my Dad. Automatically, I thought something had happened to my grand-pa... little did I know.

My Mom was at the hospital - they found two lumps and they are waiting on more test results.

It took me a while to let it sink in - I don't think it has fully yet - and I called my aunt right away. I knew she would have more information than what Js got from my Dad. Talking to planes and speaking to a sobbing father-in-law on the phone is apparently not as easy as it sounds. I finally got a hold of her at work and it did not sound good. She gave me a bit more info and I told the girls at work I was going home.

Js force fed me a sandwich and then we booked a flight for me to come to Ontario today. So here I am. Using my Mom's computer (which doesn't have spell check so forgive my spelling and grammar) listening to my Dad snore and just waiting for the time difference to give up and let me sleep. It's only 9pm for me... I've had quite a long day and tomorrow looks promising.

It's like everything's been thrown up in the air and we're just sitting here, waiting for it all to fall back down. Either it falls back down into place and the world goes on or it doesn't and well... we'll cross that bridge when we get there.

For now, sleep.

Go Meesh Go!

2010-09-26T15:29:00.000-06:00

Sending positive vibes and thoughts to fellow blogger and friend Meesh who's expecting a wee one any day now. I've had a blast following her belly story over at Life On The Farm - In The City with her weekly updates, her nesting urges and her gorgeous belly shots.

Now hurry on up so I can see pictures of Mini-Meesh!

Top 4 reasons why I didn't like The Back Up Plan

2010-09-23T13:15:00.000-06:00

I'm not quite sure why I had medium expectations for this movie. I knew it wasn't going to be the best movie ever but for some very strange reason, I thought I'd like it more than I did. I think I was intrigued and charmed by the concept. Turns out, the plot is exactly what turned me off cold.

Predictably predictable
This movie was so predictable it's unreal. No surprises, no twists, no nothing. It's like, when something is about to happen and you go "Oh, they're gonna do it!" ... *drum fingers* "Do it already so we can move the eff on so she can dump you so you can try to get her back ad nauseum.
He's not the dad. Get over it.
So one of the big moments of the movie is when she gets mad at him for saying the babies aren't his. They are not. You got inseminated, you ninny. You can't be mad at him because he said something that's the absolute truth. There's a whole 3 hours (okay, probably more so like 15 minutes but it feels like 3 hours) of her being all depressed about it and all I wanted to do is shake the TV and scream.
Jennifer Lopez.
It makes me want to burn my bra.
Oh look, finally a movie about a woman taking matters into her own hands and making it on her own! Wrong - she needs a man.
Oh look, finally a movie about a single moms are not hippies but a reality? Wrong - they chant and hold hands.
Oh look, finally a movie about a driven woman who sticks to her guns even when Mister Perfect comes along! Wrong - he's clearly more successful than her.

Ugh. Why does Hollywood still try to make movies starring Jennifer Lopez - do they not like money?