Back on track

I'm all caught up with the world now. Well... my world at least! I was able to post some photos of my new home and our adventures on the way and connect with friends I missed. It feels strange to be able to talk to my mom in the same way I was talking to her when I was back in Ottawa, on MSN or by email but there is so much more distance between us now. It's strange but great.

I'm settling into my own little routine out here and I'm liking it. I love our new home and love spending time here, making it our own and somewhere we can both enjoy. I never thought I would feel this strongly about vacuuming.

We are almost all set up. We are getting our washer and dryer on the 28th so get ready for some epic washing action. So many things need to me washed... our slip cover for the two living room couches need a spin or two... and the curtains and that kind of thing!

I posted a ton of photos of house pre-decorations on my Flikr account... and I will post some post-decorating soon!

I think my move out of my old apartment was way over due. I think I've grown so much and changed so much over the two years that I lived there, I never really noticed until now.

I like living on the base. It has a nice, safe, community feel to it. The base reminds me of Ottawa but I'm not sure if it's because it's the only other base I know or if really, they are alike.

So this is all I've got so far, it's hard for me to get back into the writing swing of things, but I'm working on it. I have to find ways to keep occupied and I think I'm being successful at it so far!

Ttyl!

We finally got a call from the movers and our stuff will be at our new home tomorrow morning! :) Wheehee!

Down side : We won't have the internet probably for a couple of weeks until we can get settled in. They require a deposit because it's a new account and we kinda need the funds for other things right now, aka eat.

Unless I can borrow the net from someone, it'll be a short while until I can post again but I'll be sure to make it uber interesting with tons of photos or something! :)

Speaking of photos, I set up a Flikr account to be able to post photos somewhere else than Facebook... I put a wee slide show of it on here somewhere so feel free to have a look! It's filled with random pics right now since I haven't uploaded anything from the move yet but definitely bookmark worthy! :)

Moving Update

Our stuff left today in a giant orange van for Saskatchewan. Movers came to pack everything yesterday and different people came back today to put it all in a big truck and send it on it's way. They were so quick and efficient, we were able to clean up after them as they were loading everything and we were done cleaning the apartment by 3pm. Go us!

Now we're in a Hotel room and we're dead tired. It's been an exhausting couple of days! We have the day "off" tomorrow but it feels like we have more stuff to do that the last 2 days combined.

I haven't been able to sleep for the last couple of weeks. Going to bed at 3am and my stomach hating me... But now it's 9:30pm and all I want to do is crawl into bed and sleep until tomorrow afternoon. It's great to feel human again!

Full report coming soon. G'night!

Stomach = Knots.

15 minutes before I leave to meet up with my man at the airport! His flight isn't delayed... He'll be here so soon!

I came home after breakfast with Jf this morning to do some last minute things before he came home... but all I can do is stand there and stare and look at my watch and stare some more at these four walls. I can't wrap my mind around anything and I can't focus for shit. Makes for a promising drive to the airport in this weather! *ugh*

So, I must go! I thought a short blurb was in order considering my next ones are probably going to be quite long and a bit all over the place...

I want to scream into a pillow.

Emotional breakdown begins... now.

Sob. Sob. Sob. It's all I seem to be able to do these past couple of days. It's the only thing I do with any motivation. Not that I want to be an emotional wreck but it just seems to be the only thing I can justify doing. I have to-do lists the length of my arm yet I don't seem to be able to peel myself away from the nostalgia of leaving this place, this city, my family and friends. Everything always seems to be gravitating around that and it makes it hard for me to be productive doing the shit that needs to get done.

Part of me may think it's the evil evil denial wall of doom that just hit, part of me thinks it's just normal. Needless to say, I'm a bit confused about my feelings towards all of this.

My parents organized me a dinner, earlier this week, with my family and some close friends. I was really happy to see everyone enjoying themselves. I was strong and held a smiling face up until I got into Maggie's car for the drive back to Ottawa. I was so proud of myself for not breaking down in front of everyone. I knew I was going back home over the weekend to spend some quality time with my parents so I told a few people who I didn't get a chance to talk to as much as I would have liked that I'd drop by. Which is what I did today, hence this Saturday-night-sob-fest.

I'm really glad I did but now I can't stop crying. In an attempt at getting the feelings out, I wrote everyone who came to my dinner a thank you card which turned into more of a letter for some. It helped with the "getting over it" but not as much with the "getting some sleep" part.

Now, tomorrow (or maybe even tonight, depending on how much sleep I get) I have to finish up on all my pre-move cleaning/sorting. I'm going for breakfast with Jf to spend a bit of quality time and some preventive freak-out measures.

I have absolutely no clue what to expect when the movers walk in here on Monday morning. None. I hope Js has a good grasp on what's supposed to happen cause it's really all a blur on this side of things.

I've been waiting for so long for things to move so fast, my head is spinny.

Single digits - Day 2

So we're down to single digits! That's right! 4 sleeps until babe gets home and 8 sleeps until our flight to Saskatchewan. Still 9 sleeps until we get our house and 10 sleeps until Jack is with us again... but once I get out there, I don't think I'll be holding on to my countdowns as crazily as I am now!

I feel like I still have a week worth of stuff to do and only a couple days to squeeze everything in! I want to spend time with my people, I want to make sure everything is ready, I want to do everything! I did the same thing before Js came home for the Holidays, but there was always room for error. If I forgot to do something before he got here, we could do it together. This time, nope! As soon as he gets here, we'll be in full moving mode and there's nothing I can say or do about it!

I'm glad we were able to find a solution for getting Jack out there and to our new home. Js is being so supportive and so nice about this whole thing. I can't believe he will actually drive out to go get him. *swoon* The man knows the way to my heart, what can I say! ;o)

I'm starting to get bored with not working and I think it's due focusing on the fact that I'm not working. I think once this move is over and we're settling down in our new home, I'll enjoy the non-work factor. I'll be able to spend some quality time with Js and enjoy our time together, finally.

He's going on a course out here in Cornwall (of course!) in April. This means that we have a month of time to spend together, I have a month to learn to drive standard and to make friends. March will be a busy busy month for us!

I think it will be a huge change for Js too, once I get out there. Sure, I'm stressing out about this move but he is too. When I get out there, he'll have to get used to having me around again and having his home right there. He'll be able to live in his things again, play his music, set up his monster-of-a-computer, get a dog and watch him chew on his own furniture! He won't come home to a roomate everyday, he'll come home to me. I can't wait to come home to someone other than Jack cause even if he's beyond happy when I come home, it's just not the same! When Js was here during the Holidays, the only thing motivating me to leave my comfy bed in the morning was that I was going to come home to a hot hot man 8 hours later.

I miss him. I miss doing random things together. Every day stuff like the dishes, dinner, watching a moving, shopping for stuff for our home... *mmm*

4 sleeps and he'll be here. 4 sleeps and things will just fall right into place!

Weeks before moving according to RLepage

According to the Royal Lepage "It's your move" planner's checklists, if you follow their instructions and checklists and planning tools, everything should go smoothly.

I decided to add a couple of things of my own to their well thought out plans.

4 Weeks before moving :

• Begin to use up frozen food and staples.
  
  • I don't think you should start doing that 4 weeks before the move. 2-1 weeks should be fine. Otherwise, 1 week before the move you'll find yourself without peanut butter (or some other equally important condiment) and debate buying a small jar just to make it to the end of the week... Wait, eat your food as you normally would when you're in college thinking "This butter needs to last me another week at least..."
  • Don't try to eat everything just for the sake of eating it. Hold on to it until 1 week before the move and whatever you don't get a chance to eat by then can be donated to a friend or a local shelter. I'm sure they will make good use of it. You don't want to eat stuff you normally wouldn't or over stuff yourself with pie because if you're anything like me, with stress comes heartburn.
    
• Decide which items should be discarded or donated to charity.
  
  • Pick and choose what is worth for you to move and what isn't. Sure, there's a ton of stuff you might not want to bring because they are old and it's always more fun to start fresh with new furniture. Before you decided to discard your couch, make sure you'll have somewhere to sit when you get to your new house! Either purchase your new furniture in advance and arrange for delivery the day after you arrive at destination or move your old stuff and donated when you've found a brand-spankin'-new replacement.
  • Moving costs a ton. Sure, relocating services allow for some reasonable claims but there are a ton of other spending opportunities you can't plan in advance... so you might not be able to go and spend a couple of hundred bucks on your first week at your new home to replace that dinning room set you should have kept. Keep it, move it then get rid of it if you must.
  • When it's all said and done at the end of the day, I'm sure I'll be dead tired, exhausted and emotionally drained. I'll love the comfort of my old futon even if it only becomes a secondary basement couch, it'll be a great home-sickness-support-friend.
  • If you have pets with favorite furniture (a chair, a cushion or in Jack's case, a box) consider moving them so your pets won't be completely lost. They'll take great comfort into finding their long lost pal at their new home. Consider keeping them until your pet has adjusted and found a new favorite spot.
    
• Arrange for transfer of records
  
  • This one is tricky. Most service providers (phone, hydro, roof-over-your-head) ask for 60 days notice before terminating your services. I recommend that you call them as soon as you know you are going to move eventually and finding out how much notice they require. You might want to do that a bit before the 4 weeks mark otherwise you'll end up paying cancellation fees or for services you won't even be here to use. (Thanks, Bell!) You can make arrangements with Relocation Services but remember that you have to foot the bills and provide proof of payment before getting reimbursed.
  • Make sure to get confirmation numbers for your cancellations to be able to track any extra charges they might try to smack on that last invoice.
  • Some doctors might ask that you visit them to make sure everything is in order before they can transfer any records so plan this far enough in advance to accommodate your schedule and your doctor's availability. (Make sure to stock up on reps or prescriptions about a month before the move to make sure you don't get effed. Especially if you are moving to a different province/country.)

3 Weeks before moving :

• Arrange transportation of pets.
  
  • Don't even get me started on this one. Keep in mind, when booking your flight, that relocating services don't book any arrangements for pets. You have to do that yourself. Make sure, when RS books your own travel arrangements that they can accommodate your pets to travel with you. Otherwise, it's a huge pain in the ass (see last post) !!
  • Make sure you have somewhere for your pets to stay during the move. There will be a lot of strangers, coming and going and stepping on paws.
    
• Return anything that needs to be returned.
  
  • I've been running around like a headless chicken returning stuff here and there it seems. I had a couple of things in a bag by the door that I kept forgetting to return to the store. It's now or never!
  • Make sure you get everything and anything you've let friends borrow. If they still have it, I'm not sure they'll happily mail it to you once you're hundreds of kilometers away.
    
• Dispose of flammables.
  
  • Ladies, this includes nail polish, nail polish remover, hair spray. (Nail polishes can be tucked away in your checked luggage because it's not in a pressure can and so teeny!)
    
  • This also includes spot treatments for clothes (like Spray n' wash!) so going to Costco and buying a large quantity of it before moving because it's nice and cheap is not always the best idea in the world.

So this where I'm at now. This is what I've learned so far and was able to recollect over the last 15 minutes. I still have 3 check lists to go : 1 week before moving, Packing day and Moving Out day. I'll blog those as they happen (or as I deal with them). Hope this helps anyone, relocating with the CF or not. It's a really stressful time and this is how I manage things. By over-planning, over-thinking and over-wasting-time-doing-anything-else-but.

Breathe.

Right now, I'm taking a breather from cleaning this apartment for the last time. I've got the movers coming in for an appraisal tomorrow and then there's a showing at 3pm, hopefully, I'll be bringing back my empties at that time because : A) The quantity shameful. B) I really really don't want to be here. I don't want to meet the strangers who are considering living in this place.

This place went from "my place" to "Vero's and my place" to "Js' and my place"... it's a good thing these walls only have ears... cause they'd have way too much to say. Sure, the place is kinda crummy, the plumbing sucks, it's either too hot or too cold at all times, the kitchen floor hates me and the utilities are ancient, but it's MY place. Sure, Js lives here too but it's mine in the sense that I picked it, it's mostly furnished with my stuff the way that I want it and I've been here for 2 years and some... All my memories for the last 2 years brings me back here.

I got this apartment, my very first apartment all to myself, on my birthday. It was awesome! I had cake with my parents standing in an empty kitchen with plastic cutlery. I also, a couple of days later, ate some St-Hubert take-out on the living room floor with very little lighting coming fom the closet bulb with Vero. I was so happy about my new place and now I'm sad to leave it.

When I rented this place, I sure as hell did not think I would be leaving it for a duplex in Bushell Park, Saskatchewan. I would probably leave it for a larger apartment a bit more towards the west end of the city or maybe even a small condo. I planned on living her for a couple of years and then getting something bigger, settling down and doing the normal thing. Things have changed and my plans kinda did a 180 on me... and that's perfectly fine. I wouldn't have it any other way. It just makes me realize how much life has changed over the past 2 years. How much I have changed.

Now, I know what I want from this life. I don't know where I'm going but I know I want to be there. I don't know who else will be there with me but I know Js will be.

I'd told myself that I would paint if I stayed here more than a year. That didn't happen. One year into living here, I couldn't even commit to a pair of pants in the morning. (Oh! Anna Nalick! You always play on the radio at the perfect time! I swear I named this post way before!) I never set up any curtains other than the bathroom and the kitchen. I didn't want to punch holes in the ancient plaster walls and I didn't really care. I loved my floors but I never washed them. I thought this place was quite big for the price and the layout was perfect but I complained all the time about lack of storage and space.

This was Jack's first official house with me. Sure, he lived at Marianne's for a little bit, but I only accepted to keep him because I knew I was moving out... so the adventure of Jack and me started here. I've associated my cat with "home" as much as these walls. He'll miss the wide windows and lack of closet door resistance.

This teeny little space represented my ability to provide for myself, to be independent ; it gave me a sense of freedom. I've established that and I proved to myself that I could do this. I have the confidence of being able to do anything I set my mind to. Now it's time to prove myself something else... and with the challenge that awaits, I'm sure I'll be given plenty of opportunity to do so.

G'bye little apartment! As of tomorrow, you're as much mine as the people who are coming to contemplate living here. I hope the walls keep their mouths shut.

Work : Done.

In all the things to get me to face the fact that this move is finally happening, I was convinced that leaving work would be the hardest. I admit, it was not easy, not one bit.

I opened that store, I remember it when it was pink. I remember when we had the make-up on the gondola. I remember before the "shelf" sticker and First Line. It seems like non-sense but it's part of what made that place feel like home to me.

I'll miss the lady with the bright lipstick and matching coat. I'll miss the woman who buys everything. I'll (kinda) miss the woman who returns everything. I'll miss the woman who runs in and puts on blush and 2 years later, still thinks we don't notice. I'll miss the people handing me their Black's Photo receipts. I'll miss the Second Cup people. I'll miss Angry Santa, Gina, Amina and the bunch. I'll miss David.

I won't miss that damned conveyor belt. I won't miss the damn damn doors. I won't miss the "fresh-off-the-85" crew. I won't miss Triversity and that hyper-active scanner. I won't miss make-up components and the never-ending dust. I won't miss those floors or the delivery people.

What I'll miss the most, I think, is the people I worked with. The C-Wood team, my girls. The Mtl/Ottawa Managers team, my friends. I guess one of the reasons it hasn't hit me yet is because I am still in contact with all those people... I still email Claudia and chat with Gen now and then. Sure, things will change, but until they do, I'd like to hold on to the teeny bit of hope that we'll still be friends in 20 years!

So I'm expecting reality to kick in on Monday at 2pm... we'll see how that goes!

Why does "life" have to matter anyways...

Here I am, it's 1:23am and I'm blogging 'cause I can't sleep. Why, you ask? Well... I can't sleep because "life" is happening and part of said "life" is staying up at night worrying, thinking, overthinking, pondering and wondering. Sometimes, even hoping.

What do I really want to be doing right now!? Sleep? Nope. Watching a movie? Nope. Blogging? Nope. Sitting here crying more that my teeny little tear ducts can handle? Nope.

I want to be sitting on my best friend's door step, in the warmest winter suit known to mankind, waiting for tomorrow morning to happen so I can tell her that I love her. That is where I would be right now if life didn't matter. If I didn't have to work tomorrow morning and if I could friggen drive my friggen car. If I didn't have to be reasonable and responsible. I want to tell her that everything is going to work out and be okay and we shouldn't cry but we still need to.

I want to be snuggled on my best friend's couch with a warm blanket while he's making me chicken soup cause I'm sad and feeling gross. 'Cause that's what he does when I'm not having a great time, over-takes-care-of-me. We could be there for days trying to figure out how we are going to live so far apart. If life didn't matter right now, I'd probably drink too much have have to spend the night there. He'd let me sleep in his bed and he'd take the couch cause that's what friends do...

Why does life have to matter and stop me from doing what it seems matters most? I have 4 days left of work and an eternity of things left to do... I want to trash it all and just do what my heart really wants... but I can't because that would be a bit crazy? No? Isn't that what we call people who don't care about the outside world ; crazy?

As much as I want to be with Js and I can't wait to start living together and getting our lives on track, together, I just wish I could take everything that I have here, with me. It's going to be hard for me to be without my close friends. They've been around forever it seems and I can't even consider the thought of maybe imagining what my life would be like without them. It's way too scarry and dark. I'm not affraid one bit of loosing them. I know they will be there for me in their own way and I will be there for them as best I can. There is still so much in my life that I need to experience and I will do my best to help them be a part of it. I want to be a part of their lives even if I am away geographically.

It's going to be hard. Every tiny inch of the way is going to be so difficult, it's going to hurt... like ripping small shreads piece by piece... but we'll make it through cause we'll never be alone...