Mother's day has become for me a day I really wish stopped existing when my mother stopped existing. I mean, yes I still recognize that she was my mom and she loved me with every ounce of her being and she will never ever be replaced or forgotten. But having a whole day dedicated to this special and unique bond to have with one individual is very difficult when it's a constant reminder that this person isn't there anymore.
The last two years have been especially hard since becoming a mother myself was all I really wanted out of life but for some reason it just wouldn't happen. No one could explain to me why and reassure me with certainty that it would actually ever be.
So I stuck my head as deep in the sand as it would possibly go and counted down the hours for the day to be over. I woke up late, went to bed early, and tried to stay away from any sort of Hallmark store.
This year, my emotions are conflicted and I'm having a really hard time dealing with them... or at least understanding what I'm feeling.
I can feel the same dread creep on when people talk about their plans for Mother's day. I wish it wasn't there to remind me that my mother is not. It's a kind of loneliness that really doesn't get any resolve of any kind.
On the other hand, I'm happy to finally have been blessed with becoming a mom-to-be. An event I never thought I would get to celebrate... yet, I can't seem to because of this gray cloud hanging over my head. And that makes me feel so guilty.
Why can't I leave it aside and embrace the fact that my little ones are on their way? Why can't I truly appreciate their existence (and the fact that they are tap-dancing on my bladder has nothing to do with it)? I am so grateful to be where I'm at today and sit here as I get my innards punched and kicked and squeezed - why can't it be just that simple?
Mother's day is still a few weeks away and I hope I get some better grasp and understanding of my feelings by then. That I can enjoy the day for what it's worth to me now and maybe these babies will help me redefine this day into something new. Something magical I can't even being to understand right now... I have to give myself some time.
Showing posts with label time. Show all posts
Showing posts with label time. Show all posts
Wednesday, May 1, 2013
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Meal Planning Awareness Exercise
In order to save yourself some precious time and money, you want to keep this simple principle in mind: Make the most with what you have.
If you’re able to stick to this idea, your meal planning will be successful and you will be amazed at home much money, time and energy you used to spend on something as simple as lunch and dinner.
The first awareness exercise I recommend on doing is figuring out how much time you currently spend on meal planning. Here is the conclusion we came to when we started looking at the numbers:
Every day, we spend at least 10 minutes in the morning to figure out what to bring for lunch. Then same for dinner so another 10 minutes there.
Week’s total: 140minutes
Twice a week, we need to run to the store because the sour cream isn’t “best before” anymore and because we ran out of eggs. 35 minute trip including round trip and shopping time only.
Week’s total: 210minutes
At least 4 times a week, we need to thaw some meat or fish which adds another 10 minutes to our prep time that could have been avoided if we’d planned our meal in advance.
Week’s total: 250minutes
So a total of 4 hours and 20 minutes a week of our time are invested in our current meal planning process. Note that I didn’t count in here the grocery shopping trip because this varies for everyone but you can definitely add it in there once you figure out how long it used to take you and how long it takes you with your meal planning list. If you already shop using a list, you can simply add this amount of time to your total – just remember to add in it again at the end of the process.
Big picture snap-shot: that’s 16 hours and 40 minutes a month, over 8 days a year – that’s more days than some people go on holiday each year.
We haven’t even begun talking about dollars and cents yet. Because money is a trickier and much more personal topic, we’re not going to dig right in there at this point but if you’d like to do the same exercise to figure out the extra money you are currently spending, here are a few things you can include:
• Cost of pre-packaged/frozen bought to save time.
• Gas for those last minute grocery store trips.
• Last minute fast-food meals.
• Food you toss out because you didn’t use before the expiry date or left too long on the bottom of your freezer.
Now that you have those magic numbers, keep them handy for the first weeks of your meal planning when it seems like such a pain... or every time you’re tempted to order take out. You can even write them on a sticky note and keep it on your fridge door as a friendly reminder of how much money and time you’ll save. Pick a goal – it can be anything from a new art class you want to take or a new purse you’ve been eyeing and figure out how long you need to meal plan to be able to attain this goal.
Next step, we are going to inventory everything you have in the house. Well... not everything... just food stuff.
If you’re able to stick to this idea, your meal planning will be successful and you will be amazed at home much money, time and energy you used to spend on something as simple as lunch and dinner.
The first awareness exercise I recommend on doing is figuring out how much time you currently spend on meal planning. Here is the conclusion we came to when we started looking at the numbers:
Every day, we spend at least 10 minutes in the morning to figure out what to bring for lunch. Then same for dinner so another 10 minutes there.
Week’s total: 140minutes
Twice a week, we need to run to the store because the sour cream isn’t “best before” anymore and because we ran out of eggs. 35 minute trip including round trip and shopping time only.
Week’s total: 210minutes
At least 4 times a week, we need to thaw some meat or fish which adds another 10 minutes to our prep time that could have been avoided if we’d planned our meal in advance.
Week’s total: 250minutes
So a total of 4 hours and 20 minutes a week of our time are invested in our current meal planning process. Note that I didn’t count in here the grocery shopping trip because this varies for everyone but you can definitely add it in there once you figure out how long it used to take you and how long it takes you with your meal planning list. If you already shop using a list, you can simply add this amount of time to your total – just remember to add in it again at the end of the process.
Big picture snap-shot: that’s 16 hours and 40 minutes a month, over 8 days a year – that’s more days than some people go on holiday each year.
We haven’t even begun talking about dollars and cents yet. Because money is a trickier and much more personal topic, we’re not going to dig right in there at this point but if you’d like to do the same exercise to figure out the extra money you are currently spending, here are a few things you can include:
• Cost of pre-packaged/frozen bought to save time.
• Gas for those last minute grocery store trips.
• Last minute fast-food meals.
• Food you toss out because you didn’t use before the expiry date or left too long on the bottom of your freezer.
Now that you have those magic numbers, keep them handy for the first weeks of your meal planning when it seems like such a pain... or every time you’re tempted to order take out. You can even write them on a sticky note and keep it on your fridge door as a friendly reminder of how much money and time you’ll save. Pick a goal – it can be anything from a new art class you want to take or a new purse you’ve been eyeing and figure out how long you need to meal plan to be able to attain this goal.
Next step, we are going to inventory everything you have in the house. Well... not everything... just food stuff.
Friday, December 31, 2010
Happy New Year!
2010 has been a pretty intense year, good for the bloggin'. Here's hoping 2011 brings equally, if not more bloggin' but on more positive terms.
In 2010 we got married, I got a new job that I love, I lived and I learned. Without a doubt, 2010 had it's ups but it also had it's downs over the last few months. I lost my mother in early October and my grand-father two days before Christmas so I'm anxious for the year to end.
As I've said before, I don't believe you can go wake up one morning and everything changes just because you get to use your new calendar. But I do believe that it means spring and summer are coming back and it also means time is moving on.
To me, this year, the New Year is a reminder that time always moves on, no matter how much we wish it didn't. I wished I could stop time when my Mom was sick to keep her with me a bit longer but time passed and what was meant to happen, happened. Life goes on and we have to make that extra effort to keep moving with it.
Thanks for being there for me, dearest reader(s) in 2010 and hopefully I'll have tons to blog about again in 2011 so you'll stick around. All the best to you and yours for the New Year! :)
In 2010 we got married, I got a new job that I love, I lived and I learned. Without a doubt, 2010 had it's ups but it also had it's downs over the last few months. I lost my mother in early October and my grand-father two days before Christmas so I'm anxious for the year to end.
As I've said before, I don't believe you can go wake up one morning and everything changes just because you get to use your new calendar. But I do believe that it means spring and summer are coming back and it also means time is moving on.
To me, this year, the New Year is a reminder that time always moves on, no matter how much we wish it didn't. I wished I could stop time when my Mom was sick to keep her with me a bit longer but time passed and what was meant to happen, happened. Life goes on and we have to make that extra effort to keep moving with it.
Thanks for being there for me, dearest reader(s) in 2010 and hopefully I'll have tons to blog about again in 2011 so you'll stick around. All the best to you and yours for the New Year! :)
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Wedding Update : One Month
ONE MONTH! One month to the day to our wedding.
Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek!
We are not ready.
Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek!
We are not ready.
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Dear Wedding
Dear Wedding,
I'd like to start by saying how happy I am that you're happening. Thanks for giving us the opportunity to celebrate our love and our relationship with family and friends.
I only have one request. Would please be so kind as to not happen too quickly? I'd hate for you to pass me by in the blink of an eye! You seem so wonderful and I really want to make the most of your presence. I'd love it if we could have you stay forever and a day but I'm afraid that can't be.
I promise to be prepared for your arrival as best I can and to enjoy every moment (even if it drives me insane) of your time with us. I really wish you'd come more than once in a lifetime but that's just not the way things go.
Please be gentle, it's our first time.
Warm regards,
Marie
I'd like to start by saying how happy I am that you're happening. Thanks for giving us the opportunity to celebrate our love and our relationship with family and friends.
I only have one request. Would please be so kind as to not happen too quickly? I'd hate for you to pass me by in the blink of an eye! You seem so wonderful and I really want to make the most of your presence. I'd love it if we could have you stay forever and a day but I'm afraid that can't be.
I promise to be prepared for your arrival as best I can and to enjoy every moment (even if it drives me insane) of your time with us. I really wish you'd come more than once in a lifetime but that's just not the way things go.
Please be gentle, it's our first time.
Warm regards,
Marie
Sunday, December 7, 2008
... and this lack of sleep isn't helping.
I complain that I have too many things to do and not enough time and energy. I say I'm overwhelmed with work and everything else that's happening at home. I hate that I don't ever feel healthy and I get mood swings like they are going out of style... yet, I can't sleep! Nothing I do seems to help me recuperate and, at this point, I don't even have the motivation to try harder.
I need a friggen break. That's what I need. I don't mean a vacation or a trip down south (although that would be nice!) or anything like that... I just mean a friggen moment of peace and quiet.
I don't want time to think about things ; I don't want to think about anything.
I don't want time off from work to do something more fun ; I don't want to do anything.
I don't want to go to the Spa to relax and take care of me ; I don't want to care about anything.
I need a reboot botton. That's what I need. Something to give me a restart on life cause I'm running low on everything that's vital it seems.
Everyday that I'm at work, I put a smile on my face and power through everything and anything that's thrown my way. I can't break down in tears. I can't be sick. I can't be tired. I can't be fed up with the endless list of tasks. I'm not allowed. I need to be happy, patient, strong, healthy, energetic and motivated.
Everyday that I'm not working, I put a smile on my face and go about my daily life. I spend every single minute of every day planning for the next. I can't live in the moment because the moment isn't really pretty to look at right now. I haven't shaved in weeks, the dishes in the kitchen are stacking up, the laundry baskets are full but I have to run... Why would I want to focus on that when the future looks so much brighter from here?
Every time I hang out with friends, I put a smile on my face and try to absorb as much as I can, while I can. I always wonder if we'll make it in the long run, I'm always affraid of loosing them. I know I shouldn't feel this way, but it's hard not too. Life happens, people move on to bigger and greater things. It's hard to always be the "alone but not single" one of the pack... If I go out with a bunch of single friends, I feel like the outsider because I can't flirt and I'm not necessarily in the mood to meet new people. When I go out with friends who are happily taken, I feel like the outsider because my "happy taker" isn't there...
I feel as though each moment that I live, I spend it longing for the next. Waiting for the next step. Hurrying by to get to the next check point. Like someone attached my life to a string and just tugs on it a bit every time I reach out.
I wish I could just live the moment for what it is. Forget about tomorrow, next week or next month. Let's face it : I don't really get that much of a say in the matter. It's so much easier when Js is here, everything just falls into place... one moment at a time.
I need a friggen break. That's what I need. I don't mean a vacation or a trip down south (although that would be nice!) or anything like that... I just mean a friggen moment of peace and quiet.
I don't want time to think about things ; I don't want to think about anything.
I don't want time off from work to do something more fun ; I don't want to do anything.
I don't want to go to the Spa to relax and take care of me ; I don't want to care about anything.
I need a reboot botton. That's what I need. Something to give me a restart on life cause I'm running low on everything that's vital it seems.
Everyday that I'm at work, I put a smile on my face and power through everything and anything that's thrown my way. I can't break down in tears. I can't be sick. I can't be tired. I can't be fed up with the endless list of tasks. I'm not allowed. I need to be happy, patient, strong, healthy, energetic and motivated.
Everyday that I'm not working, I put a smile on my face and go about my daily life. I spend every single minute of every day planning for the next. I can't live in the moment because the moment isn't really pretty to look at right now. I haven't shaved in weeks, the dishes in the kitchen are stacking up, the laundry baskets are full but I have to run... Why would I want to focus on that when the future looks so much brighter from here?
Every time I hang out with friends, I put a smile on my face and try to absorb as much as I can, while I can. I always wonder if we'll make it in the long run, I'm always affraid of loosing them. I know I shouldn't feel this way, but it's hard not too. Life happens, people move on to bigger and greater things. It's hard to always be the "alone but not single" one of the pack... If I go out with a bunch of single friends, I feel like the outsider because I can't flirt and I'm not necessarily in the mood to meet new people. When I go out with friends who are happily taken, I feel like the outsider because my "happy taker" isn't there...
I feel as though each moment that I live, I spend it longing for the next. Waiting for the next step. Hurrying by to get to the next check point. Like someone attached my life to a string and just tugs on it a bit every time I reach out.
I wish I could just live the moment for what it is. Forget about tomorrow, next week or next month. Let's face it : I don't really get that much of a say in the matter. It's so much easier when Js is here, everything just falls into place... one moment at a time.
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
Staring at the countdown...
I've been counting sleeps and days and weeks for the last 4 months and now that it's almost over, I can't believe how quickly time flew by!
In September, I thought : Wow! December is SO far away, I'll keep busy planning for the Holidays and being at work way more than I should. Then I went to Orlando at the end of the month, and next thing I knew, October was here!
October was filled with planning for Holiday, overalls and red bandannas. Don't know where that month went either!
November was a long one. Nothing really specific happened to help me get my mind off things... but I kept busy. Coffee with friends, started Christmas shopping early this year which turned out to be a good thing... that kinda stuff!
Now, December turned around and bit me in the ... leg. I'm down to 16 sleeps until Js comes home and I'm running around to get everything done and prepare everything for the Holidays (as you can tell... by blogging my life away!) like I didn't have 4 months to get all of this done. *ugh!*
I know what I'll be exhausted and drained by the time Js gets here and that pisses me right off. I want to be all happy and lovely and composed. Let's be realistic here : I work in retail. It's the Holidays. Leave me the eff alone, I just want to curl up in a corner and hide under a giant pile of card board boxes and register rolls until Spring comes back!
At least we'll have a bit of quality (read : sane) time in January. He took some leave time and I took some much earned vacation days so we'd have more time to spend together.
I'm thinking January will go by UBER fast too... and then, who knows what February has in store for us!? Really, who!?
In September, I thought : Wow! December is SO far away, I'll keep busy planning for the Holidays and being at work way more than I should. Then I went to Orlando at the end of the month, and next thing I knew, October was here!
October was filled with planning for Holiday, overalls and red bandannas. Don't know where that month went either!
November was a long one. Nothing really specific happened to help me get my mind off things... but I kept busy. Coffee with friends, started Christmas shopping early this year which turned out to be a good thing... that kinda stuff!
Now, December turned around and bit me in the ... leg. I'm down to 16 sleeps until Js comes home and I'm running around to get everything done and prepare everything for the Holidays (as you can tell... by blogging my life away!) like I didn't have 4 months to get all of this done. *ugh!*
I know what I'll be exhausted and drained by the time Js gets here and that pisses me right off. I want to be all happy and lovely and composed. Let's be realistic here : I work in retail. It's the Holidays. Leave me the eff alone, I just want to curl up in a corner and hide under a giant pile of card board boxes and register rolls until Spring comes back!
At least we'll have a bit of quality (read : sane) time in January. He took some leave time and I took some much earned vacation days so we'd have more time to spend together.
I'm thinking January will go by UBER fast too... and then, who knows what February has in store for us!? Really, who!?
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