Wash ALL the dishes!

I hate doing the dishes. Hate it. Somehow I always end up with dirty dish water on my boob, the mushy shit at the bottom of the sink makes me gag and I just generally do not like it. I don't like the smell of dish soap. I don't like the noise of a knife scraping the bottom of the sink. I don't like the smell of the dish rag or sponges. I hate drying the pasta strainer.

Solution?

Meet Bertha!

My friend bought a house and it comes with appliances so I bought her dish washer for 75$. Ours is it's third home on the Base as it's been passed around from PMQ to PMQ but it's in top shape! Comes with extra counter space. It's kind of bulky where we have it now but I'm more than willing to put up with a bit of bulk if it means I don't have to do the dishes.

Like right now... I could be washing dishes. But I'm not. Thanks Bertha!

Back to reality.

Oy! Getting back to work after three whole weeks of doing next to nothing was pretty exhausting today. Before the holidays I finished up with my first contract with this employer (covering a maternity leave) and went in for three half days between Christmas and New Year's to do my part, today I started a new contract which takes me well into September as far as secure employment goes. It was kind of odd starting a "new" job that I kinda sorta already did, in a place where I knew everyone and didn't have to ask where I put my lunch bag or where the bathrooms are. I'm super grateful for having the opportunity to keep working there and I really hope to get something permanent by the end of this to keep my employee status and have transfer options when/if we ever do get posted outta here. I don't even want to get started on posting options/possibilities/odds right now... ugh.

Friends invited us over for dinner after work and it was nice to spend some time with them and their kids and just hang. On the not-topic of postings... I will cry every tear in my body when they get posted out. Seriously. We knew them both individually before they even met each other... and here they are, three years and two kids later... they're part of our Moose Jaw Fam.

Three more of my very close friends are getting posted out this summer. Again, just to be clear... we're totally not talking about postings. It's going to be a very long and sobby summer for this gal, me thinks. Don't get me wrong, I'm super thrilled for them that their husbands are finally done their training and they can move on to a more permanent and more family (vs career) oriented posting but there's a wee part of me that's a tad selfish and kinda wish I could keep them here with me forever.

The transient nature of our lifestyle sorta struck me today when I over heard someone say, with a distinct French accent, that they were new here and were looking for info for something... I literally RAN over and yelled "Don't go anywhere! I need to talk to you!" in hopes of introducing myself and offering help if they needed anything to get settled. As I ran towards her, my desperate little mind went "Way to look like a loser." but she seemed SO happy to talk and so relieved that I approached her, my more reserved self immediately forgave my insane self for looking like a complete tool.

It made me realize that we're always loosing friends but they make room for the new ones. And when we're the ones moving, we leave some behind to go meet total strangers. We'll have at least one thing in common and that's a good enough place to start when you're all alone...

New beginnings are always the same

At the beginning of the month, the Powers That Be decided that my position within the organization was no longer necessary and it got eliminated. I was really really sad, upset and I felt cheated. I'd never applied for that position, I was offered it instead of something else because it was supposed to be more stable. Wah-wah. Anyways, I had only a couple days to work left before my trip to Ontario so I knew I wouldn't have to drag my feet around the office for the full two weeks of notice they gave me having banked all the hours to cover my absence already.

Luckily enough, someone from another department in the same building as us heard and asked me for my resume right away! I interviewed for a position in their department to cover someone's mat leave over the phone while I was in Ontario and ran to the office to do the practical part of the interview as soon as I got back to SK. That afternoon, I got a call and they offered me the job. Hurray!

So yeah. That's what I've been up to. Today was my first day and it felt kinda funny seeing all my old coworkers but sitting at a different desk. I actually had people come up to me with questions relating to my old position. I'm pretty sure I'm going to enjoy it - it's a bit faster pace than my old job and a bit more diverse so I'm looking forward to learning something new.

My new boss gave me a little plant and a little note with a clever little saying about new beginnings that slips mind right now but I thought it was really cute. It made me realize that life is full of new beginnings - especially this life - and to embrace change is the only thing that keeps me sane.

Neglect

Lately, I feel like I've neglected some of the things that matter most to me and I'm not exactly proud of myself. Over the last months I've neglected friendships, I've neglected to recognize my emotions, my projects and my health.

Spending all this time by myself, I came to the conclusion that I've allowed neglect to take over my life and I want to move on and change that - hopefully for good. Neglect can be devastating but it can also be a good thing in the sense that it helps you see what matters - what can't really go on unless you put in some effort. I think this blog has been the clearest example and really brought the reality home for me. It can't go on unless I sit here and reflect on my life, my values and beliefs or work hard to find humor in the simplest things. These are all things I cherish - why can't I seem to gather the strength to do it regularly anymore?

That's where the hard work comes in. I know, deep down inside, that it's mostly because I don't want to see what I have to deal with. I don't know what to post about anymore because I've neglected everything around me and it's hard to admit.

I've neglected friends and relationships and I'm not really proud of it. I have to work harder, care more and call often. I also have to work on myself. I have to make healthier choices even if it's harder in the long run (and means more dishes), I have to be honest with myself and reconnect with my values and what I stand for.

It seems like a lot of work but I think once I get one of these aspects under construction, the rest will just fall into place. No one can help me but myself so I really have to suck it up and get crackin'.

Changes - again.

I've finally decided to wear by big girl pants and make a move that is entirely for me and me alone. Part of me feels selfish but the other part feels pretty good about my decision.

I quit my job for something entirely different. It's almost the same salary but it's a bit less... just enough less that we'll have to tighten the purse strings a bit until Js' next promotion. It wasn't an easy choice, especially financially but considering the perks, it'll be worth it. I'll get time off during the Holidays if we decide to visit family back home. I'll also be working a lot less so I'll have more time to spend at home working on other projects like my baking and that kind of thing. I'll be able to take on orders without feeling pressured because I work so much. It's a part time job but considering the difference in hours worked, I'm getting much much more per hour so it's a win. I'll also be able to walk to work again - I think that's the one thing I missed from my old/evil job. I'm looking forward to doing something completely new, exciting and a bit more creative. There's also many more opportunities for growth so it's more to look for in the long run.

I guess I feel selfish because I'm not used to putting my needs and wants entirely first. I want to work less - I want a more stimulating job. We'll have less disposable income. Looks like I win more than "we" do but Js supports my decision and he's actually quite thrilled about it to so I guess I shouldn't feel so bad about it.

The military lifestyle pretty much wires you to think beyond your own wants and needs. It's hard to de-program yourself to think about your future retirement options, transfer possibilities, flexibility of hours and so on. This is the one thing where I say a great big "EFF YOU!" to what the world wants me to say and do and I do whatever I want.

Workin' hard and hardly workin'

It's been a crazy week and a couple days. Short overview :

Last Sunday, I left for Saskatoon for a week of training. It was pretty intense as far as long hours, brain stuffing and being away from home. I thought "Great! It'll allow me to work on some online stuff when I get to the hotel at night and take 'er easy!" - fail. The internet connection in my room sucked giant monkey nipples so I was barely able to go on Facebook for more than 14 minutes at a time. So the evenings were a GIANT waste.

On Friday, my dear dear friend JF landed in Saskatoon from Ottawa for a weekend visit. Js and him met me at work and we drove back to Moose Jaw together. As soon as we got home, we had to get crackin' and bake a cake! Saturday was our friend's baby shower (post with pictures to come soon!) and I promised I'd make a cake. So we baked a three layer checker board cake, 24 mini muffins and dirty-iced the whole thing. Saturday morning, we got up early for the decorations and delivery.

We visited Moose Jaw, did some touristy stuff for most of the weekend. Saturday night we went out in Regina with some friends. It had been WAY too long since I'd seen a drag show. Good times were had by all. We got home super late and got up super early again on Sunday. JF left in the evening - tears ensued.

This week, I'm going back to a more regular schedule so that's good. Tomorrow was supposed to be my day off but now it's meetings and outings all day. How did that happen? We'll have a crazy weekend again soon, I can feel it. We're having friends over for a good-bye party.

The wedding preps are looming over my head and slowly driving me batty. I'm so lucky that Js is involved and doing his share of the work - LOVE!

So that's all I've got to justify my lack of post as of late. With everything that's been going on lately, I'm sure there will be a ton more to come soon enough.

My legs, in pain they are.

Owwwie. Day 2 of my return to the retail world and my legs are not enjoying it. At all.

My legs have always been a lot stronger than my upper body. Mainly because they have to drag my trunk full of junk all day. Also because I started skiing when I was six and as a very nice doctor once put it, they are abnormally fat. I like the term muscular better myself but eh...

I'll get back into the swing of things eventually and I promise to stop complaining. In the mean time... owwwie.

I've also started driving stick (Nicholas, get your mind out of the gutter, woman!) and have been doing good - driving by myself to and from work today for the very first time - for the last 3 days. It's working out some weird muscles in my left leg because of the shifting and for some strange reason, some muscles in my left arm are complaining too. I think it's from being so nervous when I'm driving.

It's still weird getting used to driving and having to manage our schedules and our time around only one vehicle - especially since my work hours is so all over the place. We'll get the hang of that too eventually...

If you'll excuse me, I'll go beg Js for a leg massage now.

Oh Retail, how I've missed your ways!

So I finally got a new job. I interviewed for it 2 weeks ago and then accepted the position last week. It's retail management - I'll have staff that doesn't show up for work, out of whack inventory, cash registers that don't balance at the end of the night - all's right in the world again.

I don't want to disclose too much info about the job just yet because I'm not quite sure what the company policy is on that but I'm looking forward to something com-ple-te-ly new and challenging.

My first day was supposed to be on June 14, doing manager training in Saskatoon but I got a call from my DM this afternoon. I start on Wednesday. Yes, this Wednesday.

Short Interruption

So Nick complained that I didn't blog enough and then when I did blog, it wasn't the right *kind* of post... so here's another (probably boring) update on how things are going on here in Casa Del My Brain.

Due to a bunch of old reasons I'm not entirely ready to discuss on here just yet, I'm off work for a short bit. Doctor's orders. Enough time for me to focus on what matters right now and to get out of this rut. I think it'll do me good.

I have never in my life been off work for so long. I've only ever had a Doctor's note for my ear infection from this winter. This will either be very interesting... or very boring.

This also means that I'll have more time to blog, think about random things and document my life away on cyberspace. Hurray! Right... right!?

Mornings - I does not heart them.

After 3 long weeks of fighting off this inner ear infection, I'm scheduled to go back to work on Monday and I'm less than thrilled.

I'm not looking forward to the GIANT pile that will have accumulated over the last 3 weeks and the tsunami of emails and phone messages that await.

I think the worst part of it all and what makes me dread Monday the most is waking up early. I am NOT a morning person. At all. You know, some people say that when you enter adulthood, this inner clock appears and you feel you need to wake up early to accomplish things... yeah... I don't have said clock.

I could go to bed at 10pm and wake up at 10am for the rest of my life and be perfectly content. Sure, I could wake up at 8am to "make more of my day" but I can't even being to think about functioning normally anytime before 9am so that'd be a waste of everyone's time and most importantly, precious sleep.

I can snooze for hours. No exaggeration there. Ask anyone who's ever lived with me. I will set my alarm early and then snooze until I have about 20 minutes to get ready. I don't know why I do it and I don't enjoy it, I just can't get up in the morning.

I don't normally eat breakfast and I know that sucks but I've been able to work around that over the years. I buy stuff I can eat on my way to work or I'll have coffee when I get into work and run on that energy until lunch time. Between snoozes, I normally plan out what I'm going to wear and where the clothes are in the room. Shirt in drawer. Pants in closet. Bra on floor. Got it! When that last possible snooze comes along, I just slap it until it stops and crawl out of bed, go do my thing in the washroom, shower, get dressed, brush my teeth/hair and run downstairs. 20 minutes and I'm out the door trying to remember if I turned of my flattening iron.

Such is a morning in my life.

Update : Not much to report

Well... that's not entirely true. Some stuff's happened but nothing to write home about - sadly. I've been keeping busy like you wouldn't believe.

My ear infection is almost gone which means I should be back full force by this weekend. My new antibiotics make me feel like a giant bag of sleepy potatoes and I honestly say I haven't poked my nose outside since Tuesday evening. I'm supposed to stay inside as much as possible because the the wind and all affecting my ear. I'd be quite pale if it weren't for all the catch-up work I've been doing online.

Friends wise, things have been sorta busy too. My friend/neighbor's had her baby. We were expecting her to give birth yesterday and to visit her last night but she hadn't had the baby yet and we just heard back from them today to announce the good news. We'd already made plans to have dinner with friends (I made my famous tacos - yum!) so we couldn't make it for the visiting hours. A friend told me she was expected to come home tomorrow during the day so hopefully we can meet little Miley tomorrow. I'll try and post some pictures and promise not to go baby-crazy just yet. Another one of my friends' husband is posted to Ottawa (*jealous*) and it's like rippin' off a band-aid (which is good for me) so she'll be gone in 2 weeks! 2 weeks - that's crazy! We're trying to make plans for drinks or coffee before then but who knows if we'll have enough time. It would really really suck if we didn't get together but that's the way life goes it seems. I'm UBER sad to see her go but also glad she'll be able to attend our wedding! She's thrilled about her posting and so is her entire family - they deserve it.

As for work, I'm torn. I know I'm not technically allowed to post about where I work, what I do and how I feel about it all but it's quite hard. I think not being able to voice how I feel about it is a large part of my ... dissatisfaction. I'm normally very passionate about my work - it takes up a huge chunk of my life and that's how I like it. Having it be such a ... peculiar environment and being so ... detrimental to my mental and physical health is really affecting me. I've been off work due to this damn ear infection for 3 weeks and all my other stress related symptoms/conditions have suddenly disappeared regardless of increased financial stress. (Technically, I'm not talking about work - I'm talking about my feelings towards my work environment - so sue me!) So, yeah, it's been a tricky spot to be in and I have to make a decision and get my ducks in a row as far as what matters most to me - financial stability and independence or happiness.

That's about as much as I've got to update. Everything is still pretty much the same as it was, only a couple days later.

Saturday Night Musings

I'm watching last year's chick flicks on W, vaccumming and doing the dishes.
I've also considered reorganizing the entrance closet but I'll save that for later I think.

Yep, I'm lame.

Js is coming back from Montreal tomorrow and it's not one moment too soon! I enjoyed my time alone and I'm sure he had a great time visiting family and friends but one week is well enough, I think. Especially with my ear infection and sporadic spinning fits, it hasn't been easy taking care of the dog and doing everything I planned to. I've been off work since Tuesday, Dr's orders, so it's been a long week of napping, spinning, olympic-watching and online-procrastinating. Pure bliss? Strangely so.

It's been a while since I've spent this much time at home. I haven't taken any vacation time for myself or been off work for health reasons for this long before. Right now I'm well enough that I can function at home but not quite sure how I'll be able to funtion at work on Monday. I sort of felt like I did before I started working ; I felt more motivated to do the things I like and I had more energy to do them that normal even though I was groggy from the medication and most times couldn't even stand straight.

I think that says a lot about how I feel towards my job right now. Drained. Every other aspect of my life that's been sucky lately has been wonderfull over the last 2 weeks. Coincidence, I think not!

What am I going to do about it?! Not much I can do right now. I need a plan.

Call me Dizzy McPain

Over the last couple of days, I've been feeling very dizzy and achy. Migraines galore. Last Friday was the worst. We had Chinese take-out at our friends' and watched a movie and all was great. When we got home, I couldn't even stand straight and went straight to bed. I wanted to hurl, I was so nauseous. I couldn't even open my eyes because everything was spinning uncontrollably.

Yesterday, my coworker said she had something similar last year and it was all due to an ear infection. In the afternoon, I had to hold on to my desk to keep my butt firmly secured on my chair. I had a hard time getting to and from the copy machine but powered through the day just because I had so much stuff to do.

Near the end of the work day, I emailed my boss and told her I'd be visiting a doctor this morning if things didn't get better. Well it didn't and the very nice Doctor at the walk in clinic said I have an ear infection and a pretty good one at that.

I've got drops and antibiotics and I'm off work until Friday. It's bittersweet really. I'm all for getting the time off work - but that means I'll have a shite load of stuff to do when I get back on Monday AND I'm so dizzy, I can't even use my days to do anything but lay there and try to stand on my feet.

I can't do anything too physical because I never know when I'll smack my face on the ground and I can't stare in one place for too long because I get a headache from trying to focus. Lovely.

I just hope this all goes away by this weekend and we can have a semi-normal valentine's day celebration. :(

Weekends Alone

The weekend's come and gone and I didn't even notice it.

Well, that's a lie. I did notice it. I slept in until 10am and didn't hear a familiar phone ringing in my ear from 8 to 4. Surprisingly enough, this weekend was total bliss. I didn't have to do anything, I just did things as I wanted to and it was wonderful. It's been so long since I've had that luxury, I miss it. I baked. I did some laundry. I vacuumed. I watched mid-day movies on W.

Why the sudden change of weekend plans, you ask? Yes, you guessed it, Js was working!! :)

When his schedule changed and he told me he was going to have to work weekends now, I thought it sucked giant amounts of sucking. Well this past weekend has proven me wrong. It was so wonderful to have the house to myself - I actually ended up doing more housework and productive stuff than when he's home with me.

With his schedule and mine, we're almost always home at the same time. I'm not complaining because I know how much it sucks to be apart for months and months. On the other hand, always having them around is a complete 180 on what I've come to define as "normal" over the last couple of years.

In about a month, we will have lived together for a complete year. Oh my!

As long as he works weekends, I know I'll have 2 days a week to regain my sanity. I'm looking forward to this change of pace, at least for a short while.

Now if it could just be Friday again... ... ...

Weekly bore

There's a lot going on this week so why am I so bored? The week is slowly crawling by and I get easily amused so maybe there isn't as much going on as I thought.

I got a job (and that's as much as I can say - company policies and all) and I'm anxious to start on Monday. It will make the next month just fly by! :)

Yes, that's right! Month! Js is back in a month! Well, 29 days as of today, to be exact! *squeal* We're almost half way through this training and I'm really proud of us.

It has been a very difficult course for him. He calls me at the end of his day and he's exhausted and just wants to get some rest because he knows the next day will be the same. They've lost a couple students and they are down to a handful now. I'm sure that isn't the greatest for the moral of the group. He's starting to miss home a lot and of course, Jack and I are somewhere on the list too. He's disappointed he'll miss my first day of work and a bunch of things that are going on at the base in May.

I'm starting to feel like I normally do when I know he'll be home soon. Yes, a month qualifies as soon. I get moody when I'm on the phone with him, my sleeping habits are totally shot (again!) and I have very little patience and very low tolerance for stupidities.

I still have the puppies to take care of but the weather's been so ugly that we haven't walked in a couple of days and they are getting needy. It's a bit better today so maybe we'll go for a short walk. I have a gazillion things left to do to get ready for the weekend and then for work. Laundry galore!

It's like I've got a trazillion things to do but I don't know where to start. Boredom or laziness?

Work : Done.

In all the things to get me to face the fact that this move is finally happening, I was convinced that leaving work would be the hardest. I admit, it was not easy, not one bit.

I opened that store, I remember it when it was pink. I remember when we had the make-up on the gondola. I remember before the "shelf" sticker and First Line. It seems like non-sense but it's part of what made that place feel like home to me.

I'll miss the lady with the bright lipstick and matching coat. I'll miss the woman who buys everything. I'll (kinda) miss the woman who returns everything. I'll miss the woman who runs in and puts on blush and 2 years later, still thinks we don't notice. I'll miss the people handing me their Black's Photo receipts. I'll miss the Second Cup people. I'll miss Angry Santa, Gina, Amina and the bunch. I'll miss David.

I won't miss that damned conveyor belt. I won't miss the damn damn doors. I won't miss the "fresh-off-the-85" crew. I won't miss Triversity and that hyper-active scanner. I won't miss make-up components and the never-ending dust. I won't miss those floors or the delivery people.

What I'll miss the most, I think, is the people I worked with. The C-Wood team, my girls. The Mtl/Ottawa Managers team, my friends. I guess one of the reasons it hasn't hit me yet is because I am still in contact with all those people... I still email Claudia and chat with Gen now and then. Sure, things will change, but until they do, I'd like to hold on to the teeny bit of hope that we'll still be friends in 20 years!

So I'm expecting reality to kick in on Monday at 2pm... we'll see how that goes!

It's real now. No doubt about it!

Yup! It's all done, I sent my official resignation letter to my work and I can finally officially start going crazy about this move. I don't think I "officially" announced it on here due to situation with work and I didn't want one of my two readers to go into shock so I made sure he realized what this meant before making it too "real"... but it is. I'm moving to Moose Jaw in a matter of weeks (yes, that's right folks, weeks!) to be with Js until the next posting comes along. We've been waiting for a place to live for *counts on fingers* six months now and we finally got confirmation and all...

It's time for me to dig my head out of the sand, take a deep breath and start crying. Yes, that's right. I cry. Tons. It's what I do when I'm happy, sad, confused, angry. I have real tear ducts, I can even see them and I'll show anyone who doesn't believe me. I kid, you've probably all seen me cry (except for Erin!) but I'm talking like giant rivers of crying... like "I'm moving away from all of my friends" tears!

Don't get me wrong, I'm thrilled about being with Js and actually start living together like a (somewhat) normal couple. I can't wait to start "living" together instead of "being" apart.

Since day one, when we found out we were going to Moose Jaw, I've always said : I wish I could just wake up there, skip the "leaving" part and just wake up there with my life already set up for me and my cat already adjusted to his new home. Well, that didn't happen, so here I am. Living everyday knowing that I'm leaving soon, making time to spend with family and friends before I leave, trying to get my life together (and in order) for the move to go smoothly. Sure, sure, the military moves us! Right! Are they going to take my cat to the vet for me? Are they going to help me sell my car? Are they going to send notice to my landlord/hydro/Bell/Telus/this-and-that-and-the-other-thing? Nope. So the actual move, yes, they will do for us, but to prepare for it, that's up to me. *faints*

Right now, it's 3:07am, I'm sobbing like a child because I just realized that I won't be able to move Nick's Jam cause it's open and it won't keep for the time it will take to move it to Sask. I'm not moving from Orleans to Ottawa, I can't just store it in a cooler for the 20 minute drive.

Yes, that's how I measure distance! Well... that's how I realize how far away I'm moving on a sleepless Sunday night.