Excuse me, where's your tofu?

For some obscure reason, Js and I decided to do our shopping at Sobeys this week... and man what an epic fail!

Deli-dude: Can I help you?
Me: Yes, I'm looking for tofu.
Deli-dude: Uh... what?
Me: Tofu. I can't seem to find any...
Deli-dude: Hum... let me get you someone who can help.

Someone-who-can't-help: You're looking for what...? Tofu?
Me: Yes.
Someone-who-can't-help: Wow... hum... hold on.

After a quick inspection of the sausage display, dairy and the cheese section (!!), Someone-who-can't-help decided to go looking for a manager. I hang around and wait while Js goes looking in the produce section.

Someone-who-can't-help: You're looking for tofu, right?
Me: Yes. It's white, normally comes in a brick like cheese.
Someone-who-can't-help: Micheal said to look in produce.

I followed Someone-who-can't-help to the produce section. She stared at the peppers and mushrooms for a solid minute.

Someone-who-can't-help: I don't think we have any...
Me: Well there's ground-round there but I need the plain tofu.
Someone-who-can't-help: Ground what?
Me: Ground round. *picks up package*
Someone-who-can't-help: Oh. Well... I can't see any, but I have seen some at other stores. Have you tried Bulk Barn or Superstore.
Less-and-less-patient-me: It's not rare. I know I can go buy it somewhere else, my goal here is not to.

This would be totally normal if we were at a little mom-and-pop grocery ... but really Sobeys? And not only that, but from the staff reaction (read: repulsion) I'm pretty sure it wasn't just sold out temporarily.

They also didn't have any kind of dairy-free coffee-creamer-type-deal. However, there were three fridges full of flavored creamer. We promptly gave up on finding the rest of our items and headed to the till...

Cashier-n00b: Did you find everything you were looking for?
Js: Nope.
Cashier-n00b: *blank-stare-of-fear-and-confusion*
Js: Never mind. Yes, yes we found everything.

Then we got to the produce on the little scale and all the confusing numbers and codes. I'd like to start by saying that I totally admire cashiers who know every single code. Their minds have clearly evolved to a higher state of knowledge and awareness... Cashier-n00b, however has not.

Cashier-n00b: Do you know what this is?
Js: A red onion.
Cashier-n00b: And this?
Js: Cilantro.
Cashier-n00b: ... hum... and this?
Js: LIMES! They're limes.

At this point, I give up on trying to hide my face and I have to turn around to wipe the laughter tears rolling down my face. Are you serious?! I get you probably don't know the code but have you never seen a lime before?

Cashier-n00b: Will that be debit?
Js: No, credit.
Cashier-n00b: Ok.
Js: It says "card not supported".
Cashier-n00b: Oh, try again.
Js: Still nuthin'.
Cashier-n00b: Is that debit?
Js: No. No. It's credit.
Cashier-n00b: Oh. It's a different button. There try again.
Js: But that's what I... you asked... *facepalm*

Easter is coming

Our Infertiliy Adventures - Comments



http://www.cafepress.ca/

For those of you who know me personally or who've been reading this blog for quite some time, you are probably wondering why anyone would ask me stupid questions knowing full well that a dry, sarcastic and probably very rude response is inevitable.

Here are my personal top choices:

"How come you guys don't have kids?"
SHIT HONEY! WE FORGOT THE KIDS IN THE CAR!

"So, no kids yet?"
No, we prefer to eat small children. We've had a couple... but... you  know..

"So, when are you guys going to start popping out kids?"
Well it does sound like a grand old time when you put it that way. 

The thing is, we can't blame people who don't know about our situation for asking these questions. How could they know, right? What irks me is when people we've known for a long time who are fully aware that we want children still ask us this question.

"Is it you or him that's the problem?"
Actually we both have a problem with people asking stupid questions.
or
Problem?! Thanks, I feel much better.
"Just relax."
 ... *slap*

"It'll work eventually."
I've been telling myself that for the last-three-fucking-years.

"Oh, just ride a bike backwards/do it in the shower/eat a pear/flap your ears, it worked for me!"
Well spank my ass and call me Nancy! I've been going through all these very uncomfortable medical procedures but really all I needed to do was toss a coin in a fountain at the mall?! Why aren't we there RIGHT NOW?!

"So, like, how is it not working?"
I don't know... on the topic of genitalia, did you take care of that rash?
Seriously, dude, don't ask me about the inner workings of my uterus in front of people. That's just fucking rude.

Comma

I own nothing.

Human v1.1

My friend Chris posted this on FB and I thought it was pretty funny. Especially the thing about entering a room and forgetting why as it applies to me quite frequently.

Now... what was it I wanted to blog about?

TL;DR

This is what happens when I don't sleep.

Created by yours truly.

You know you're old when...

This morning, I wanted to look up some info about my little cousin's career as a hockey player. He got recruited for a Quebec Major Junior Hockey League team and it's a pretty big deal - apparently. Anyways... I figured I'd get caught up on the hype and see what it was all about. Harmless enough, right?!

Putting my best Google-searching skills forward, I started searching the intertubes for some content.

It all came to an abrupt halt when I found his online dating profile.

I'm old.

Dog vs Mat

I was quietly preparing dinner (zapping some left over lasagna I slaved over the day before) and I heard a weird noise coming from the side door. Kinda like a "hacking" noise but I knew Jacko was upstairs. "Shite! The dog's about to puke and she's asking for the door!" *runs paper towel in hand*

I slammed on the breaks before I got too close when I saw what was really going on. We'd given Nova the end of a raw-hide in the morning so we could play video games - yes, we're horrible pet owners. My precious, brilliant dog had decided she wanted to bury it somewhere in the house. After searching high and low, she decided behind the side door was the best option. She could then cover it with the mat.

The noise I heard was her trying to push the little mat around with her nose... front paws solidly planted on it. So there she was, pushing with all her might and holding it down in place blinded by her determination. I stood there, laughing and waiting to see what she would do next. In my defense, I didn't know how bad it was at this point - it was just horribly cute. After a while she figured it out (!!) and started scratching and nudging the mat in place. Eventually she had done it, the little raw-hide was (almost) entirely hidden under a giant pile of mat.

She looks over at me with so much pride and happiness like she was saying : Look Ma, no one will ever find it now! Tell me I'm a good girl! I look a bit closer and notice something is a bit off on her face and the mat and floor are covered in streaks of... what is this? Blood?! Nova rug-burned her nose. Like, bleeding and all. She worked so hard she never felt a thing but now she has a little bald spot on the top of her nose, it's kinda scabbing and a bit gross but healing.

Nova : 0
Mat : 1

Let's have pets, we said...

... they'll enrich our lives, we said.

That kind of burp...

The kind you have to stretch out your neck for. *coughmaggiecough*

Pay up

I know it's really bad to blog about financial things and you really shouldn't publicly write for the world to see about your financial situation but this is just too funny to pass up. Plus, it's not even a "situation" or "problem" that reaches farther than my forgetfulness.

Considering that I'm still waiting for compensation for my last MONTH of sick leave benefits and it's been over a month since I have submitted all the documentation required  the insurance company gets a gets a weekly screamy call. Last month was a little snugger than usual financially for us. Wedding coming up and all does not help to alleviate the financial stressors.

It seems I totally forgot to pay my Best Buy credit card - oops! It's due on the 3rd (or is it 5th?) of every month so I'm normally pretty good at using the last paycheck of the month to pay at least double the minimum payment. There isn't much on it so the payments are quite small.

So today I get a letter in the mail from somewhere in Quebec. Intrigued, I rush to open it :

We wish to inform you that your account is $11 overdue as of some-date. 

Are you effing kidding me?! You sent me a letter, 10ish days after the payment date to inform me that I owe you... how much? $11 dollars.

For shits and giggles, let's see what's going for $11 on eBay right now...

1953 Magnus Harmonica Corp Student Accordion With Box for $10.49 US

2 Original cardio workout cassettes New and Sealed !!! for $10.40 CA

Sexy Pirate original art by Paradis for $10.40 CA

So many options, it's hard to choose!! :) $11 goes a long way these days it seems... I am going to send them a payment of $11.57 to help them cover the cost of the stamp. If they need the $11 so bad, I'm sure they'll appreciate the special attention.

Hyperbole and a Half - Addiction and a Half

First off, I'd like to apologize to anyone who reads this who isn't already addicted to Hyperbole and a Half because you're about to be - INTERNET FOREVER! Hyperbole and a Half is a totally hilarious, totally fantastic blog that I discovered a while back then kinda lost in the abyss of cyberspace when my lappy went kablamo. I have found it again and it's full of win.

Now, why would I do such a thing as get everyone else addicted to it, you may ask?! Well today's post just essploded with awesome and well... for anyone who's met our dog, Nova - it's perfect. It's a description of Nova down to the very last retarded detail.

I won't give it all away because you should really check out the blog but I'll leave you with this little tid-bit :

A lingering fear of mine was confirmed last night:  My dog might be slightly retarded.
I've wondered about her intelligence ever since I adopted her and subsequently discovered that she was unable to figure out how stairs worked.

The weather is just fine in MarieLand

If Jack and Garfield ever met...

... the world would essssplode of sarcasm.

Garfield is full of win.

Owwwie.

Peep-erific

Danielle blogged about this a couple days ago and I wanted to share the cute peep love!














We're all familiar with Peeps, the wee sugar-coated marshmallow chicks and bunnies that make an appearance on grocery shelves this time of year.

But other than letting them go stale and then eating them (we hear they're tastier that way), what else can you do with them?

The contest consists of creating pop-culture scenes and giving Peeps the leading role. Creative and delicious art for the win!

According to the Post, the diorama contest -- for which entrants create fantasy scenes out of Peeps and other materials -- is "a cultural barometer -- a three-dimensional essay on the state of the nation's collective consciousness, a sticky finger on the pulse of what's popular."

Click here to check out the diorama of the top contest entries!

Here's another entry that didn't make it to the diorama but has found a sticky place in my heart - fellow OBT member submitted her version of a peeped up world.

Nick made a funny, toot!

Another of Nick's famous :

What do you call a gassy gay?

Tooty-fruity!




Bahaha! :)

The Revenge of the Banana Rack

Flashback to a bit over a year ago, I was trying getting rid of junk and clutter before we move half way across the country. My cousin was organizing a fund raising garage sale for the kids she works with so she drove up to the house one day with a mini-van and we loaded it, twice. I said I'd give Js a call, see if there was any of his things (most of which was still in boxes since we had doubles of EVERYTHING when he moved in) that he'd want to get rid of and my cousin would be able to come back the next day to pick up more crap.

The conversation went something like this :

Me : So there is nothing you want to get rid of, at all?
Him : Nope.
Me : So all those things we've had sitting around the apartment for over a year and we have never used... you want to keep them?
Him : Yep.
Me : We have SO many useless things... we have like, 2 kitchens worth of stuff. That banana rack that doesn't fit anywhere and we never use. There was another box of your stuff I almost gave her but I forgot and she was already gone... you know, that box of old pots and pans and that banana rack thing?
Him : *gasp* Don't give away my banana rack!
Me : *pause* You're kidding right? ...Right!?

So the conversation went on about the set of coffee tables he'd insisted on keeping but lost all the screws and couldn't find replacements a year later and how I gave them away and he couldn't do a thing about it because he was 3000kms away.

He then starts to rant about how his cellphone doesn't have the T9 option. Yeah right! So we made a bet, if I was able to find the T9 option on the phone, the banana rack had to go. If I was wrong, he'd get to keep it and I'd have to find a place for it in my heart.

So the joke went on for a couple of weeks until he came home for the move. Of course, I was able to find the T9 option in his phone. His heart was so crushed that I couldn't bare get rid of the damn banana rack. I get attached to stupid thing for stupid reasons. We still have a huge fake tree in our living room for that same reason but that's for another post.

Me : It's useless.
Him : It's awesome.
Me : What use is it when you have only one banana left?
Him : It's awesome.
Me : It's an odd shape and doesn't fit anywhere.
Him : It's awesome.

I caved and we ended up keeping the blessed thing. Every time I use it (because we actually do) it reminds me of our bet and why it is exactly that I agreed to move half way across the country to be with him. I'm pretty sure he only buys bananas now to make a point.

Anyways, so last week Js had already gone to work when I finally dragged my groggy ass downstairs. There it was, mocking me.

Nick made a funny, yo!

Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?

Fo' drizzle.

***

Totally stolen from Nick.

I told him to blog it earlier today but he's glued to his PS3 - FFXIII came out today. I'm not sure how I feel about how alike him and Js are... but that's for an entirely different post.

Edit : Js was upset that I used *Nick's* picture in the link above instead of *his*... so there!