The whole thing about babies and how much we want one has taken over our lives at times, but only because we let it. We want it and we need it to take the center stage in our lives because it's not something to consider lightly. Whether it's given to you naturally or you have to resort to modern medicine like we have.
Sunday morning, after a hot yoga class, I sit in this little cafe sipping my iced americano and reading a book while my husband is out golfing with his buddies. We are meeting for sushi for lunch then heading home to start packing for out trip to Ontario next week. I love this life and there are moments when I think we must be mad to give it all up for a baby.
If I didn't take this time away from the tests, the medication, the procedures and the paperwork, I wouldn't know how much I want this.
That I am able to sit here and reflect on how I love my life in all its messed up glory and appreciate the fact that I would toss it all up in the air without a second of hesitation to have a kid. That is how much I want this. More than anything.
I could sit at home and have a pity party by myself and be miserable and count my cycle days and all the glamorous crap that comes with infertility but I chose not to. So I don't forget what I am willing to give up for it all.
In any case, if children are not in our future at least we'll still have a life when we finally throw in the towel and we won't find ourselves lost and confused on top of being miserable.
I think its most important not to forget who you are and not let your infertility define you. You define your infertility.
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1 comment:
I've heard many a parent say the same thing post-children - if you don't nurture your relationship with your spouse (or hell, your relationship with yourself!), the relationship may not be there after the children fly the coop.
I know I will never understand infertility in the intimate way you do (and some of my other friends have), but it makes me feel good to know that there are parents out there who are so sure of the whole having kids thing. I'm rooting for your (and Js') reproductive organs :D
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