Merry Christmas!

From our family to yours! 

It's not perfect, but it's as good as we could manage with a timer and two very confused pets.

So blessed.

I know I've got it good. In life, I mean. Nutshell, I'm happily married, we have a good life, our pets enrich our lives daily with their nonsense and many things make my life complete like my work, my hobbies and my friends. Bigger-picture wise, I'm also very grateful for everything life has thrown my way. Sure, some parts suck but I've learned to live with it, move on and learn. I've always had a wonderful relationship with my parents and a great and supportive family. It hasn't always been roses, don't get me wrong but overall, we always had food on the table and brought happiness to each other.

Today, I feel especially blessed to have these two men in my life. My Dad and my husband. I love my dad with every ounce of my heart. He's a courageous man who knows exactly when hugs are needed. He's always guided me through life when I didn't quite know where to turn and picked me up when I fell down. All this, of course, with the dedication and love of my mother. Now that she's gone, we've grown a lot closer - right when I didn't think it would be possible. He's my rock.

Js is the most wonderful husband ever. We've come a long way since we decided we'd give this relationship a try over one-too-many shots and wine glassesbottles. We've grown together and learned to love even more.

It just makes my heart melt when I see them two together. I know my Dad is really proud of Js for everything he's done to make me happy and I know Js respects my Dad immensely for everything he's over come and the man that he is today.

Js called me earlier today to say that my Dad was able to go visit him in Ottawa and see him doing the Ceremonial Guard at the War Monument. I know this probably made my Dad's daymonth and the joy in Js' voice warmed my heart.

I know this post is super sappy... but I'm in a super sappy mood. I miss them both SO much, I can't really explain. So I turn my "miss" into "sap" and you'll have to deal with that for just a bit.

*sap essplosion*

Inspiration

Today is one of those days when my head is so filled with ideas that I don't know where to start.

I chatted with a friend this morning and she revived in me the urge to crochet some original pieces and pursue my latest passion. I've sort of set it aside over the last few weeks because the weather's just been so hot, it's been difficult to even think about holding a piece of yarn on my lap. Also, it's hard to find inspiration when it's so beautiful outside - who wants to think about tuques and hats and scarves? But I guess it's a good time to stock up and prepare for what I'm hoping will be a busy fall in the crochet department. :) I've got two ideas that I'm hoping to work on over the next little while so make sure to check it out on Facebook.

Do I have a heart?

... I guess a better question would be : is it fully functional?

I've noticed a pretty constant tendency among friends and acquaintances (thanks Facebook) and it's really making me feel ... odd. Lately, there seems to be more "Everything in my life is going super well, *insert name of deceased parent here* must have something to do with it!" or "Everything in my life is going to shit, *insert name of deceased parent here* help me please!" and I just can't seem to relate.

When things go well, I don't think it's because my Mom is watching over me and plucking out all the obstacles on my path. I don't think she's there, watching over my shoulder and changing my life as an "active player". Like pushing me out of the way when I'm dumb enough to run in front of a bus or keeping my workplace free of conflict in some weird way. I tend to think that the reason I don't run in front of a bus is because she thought me, as a kid, to look both ways before crossing the street. I also think that I'm happy at work because she's thought me to speak my mind and to face and resolve conflict when it gets in my way.

When everything is going to shite, I have a hard time thinking she's going to reach down (or sideways) and help me out. Yes, my memories of her are reassuring but that's what they are - memories. I dig down, look deeply into my shriveled little heart and find the strength to carry on as I would if she was still here. I always wanted to show her how strong I could be and how I could make it in this world on my own and she didn't need to worry about me even if I knew she did. Why would I stop doing that now? She thought me better than that - better than to give up and better than to rely on anything else than my own strength.

I think she gave me the tools to live my life as I do and be confident about my beliefs, my values and my self so that I could (try to) make the best decisions and when I didn't, to be able to deal with it. She always trusted me to make the best decisions for myself even if I haven't always been the sharpest tool in the shed - she knew I had the smarts to get out of it later. Her impact on my life is ongoing but it relies on everything she's thought me over the first 26 years of my life, everything from here on in is my own. My way to honor her is to show myself and everyone who knew her that she was an outstanding mother.

This is just the way I see things and how I deal with my own grief - it's not better or worse than any other way... I just wonder sometimes if I'm being insensitive or if I'm simply being me.

Hockey Babe

In high school, my then-boyfriend was a total hockey player. I went to every match and hung out with the gang before and after games. He was tall and huge but really, deep down inside he was a total shmoo. After he and I broke up, I had a tendency to gravitate around hockey guys without even knowing. If I met someone interesting, chances were he watched hockey, played hockey or at least he wished he could.

When Js and I started dating, my friends *coughmaggiecough* teased me because he'd never even put on a hockey jersey. The first one he ever wore was mine. As Maggie kindly put it "I think you've tried the whole hockey-guy thing and we know it doesn't work." - she knows me so well... and was so right. Js kept saying he was surprised I agreed to date him because he wasn't a hockey player and all that jazz... after I told him what Maggie said, he loved her even more. :)

Then he joined the military, started working out and we moved to Moose Jaw. All these things pointed to playing hockey so he decided to give it a try. He was able to rent some equipment for the first year because he had no idea if he'd actually like it or not. Now, he can't get enough of it. He plays 2 to 3 games a week... sometimes up to 4-5 when he plays for 2 different teams. Mind you, I don't go to every game because... well... we're not in high school anymore and let's face it, their goalies aren't nearly as attractive.

I'm happy Js found a sport that he loves and the fact that it's hockey makes it even more fun! ;)

Go Babe!

Merry Christmas!

It was hard enough getting Nova to stay still for a couple seconds, I didn't get a chance to include Jacko in the picture - he sends his love.

Mom

We said farewell to my Mom last Tuesday night. She gave in to a massive infection after two days of struggles. Her cancer was so advanced that her body couldn't climb back up - even if it had, she would have had maybe one or two weeks until the cancer took over and her body start to shut down. She went peacefully surrounded by loved ones.

Thanks for being here, reading and lending me a shoulder to get through this.

Home is where your cat is.

I never thought I could miss a little fuzzy thing like my Jacko so damn much. Yes, I do miss Js and Nova and everyone else but missing Jack's been pretty difficult in this whole situation.

I miss Js with all my heart but I can call him, I know he's there for me and thinking about me while I'm away. I know he wishes he could be here with me during this difficult time to support me and my family and that is incredibly comforting.

Since I adopted Jack 5 years ago (already!), he's always been there. I've always been able to find comfort in snuggling my nose in his neck and falling asleep to his soft purr. When old boyfriends dumped me, when Js left, when Js came back, when Js left again and came back again and left again, when I decided I was moving wherever Js got posted, when I found out it was Saskatchewan, when I miss my family, when I opened up old wounds to learn to live again - Jack was always there. He's my constant and when I look at him, I know I'm where I should be. It's silly really, to attach such a huge emotional hook to a small kitty cat who can't even talk let alone understand everything that I rely on him for. Maybe it's just that. He's there no matter how much I depend on him, he can't talk back and he lets me make my own decisions and just snuggles.

The challenges that I've faced this week definitely call for a very long snuggles session between Jacko and me to restore my strength and courage. He's 3000kms away and it sucks.

Us : 1 - Wine Cabinet : 0

Over the last week and a bit, people keep asking me "How's married life treatin' ya?" or something to that effect and to be quite honest, I don't really know what to answer. Sure, there's some added romance in the air and all but aside from that, it's pretty much business as usual. We've been living together for so long, we have joint back accounts and all that grown up stuff. Doesn't leave much for some special treatin' from good old married life.

Tonight, tonight was different. Tonight, we build some Walmart furniture without screaming, throwing screws, breaking things or having to dismantle and start over because if misread instructions. Yes, ladies and gents - we have evolved as a couple! I felt like cheering, holding the teeny wine cabinet unit thing on top of my head like the Stanley cup and running laps around the Base.

It doesn't seem like much but it's EFFING huge for us. Me having control issues, OCDness and some pretty off the wall anxiety fits and him having pretty much the opposite of all of those - you'd think we just complete each other. That's now how it works at all. I want to organize my hair clips in order of size and color and he doesn't get why I need little storage components for each category. When we decided to start assembling, I'm going to be honest, I went looking for the paper bags. Not for my head - to breathe in. By the time I figured we were out (yeah - it's kinda bad) I turned around and there it was, our little wine cabinet thing. Mocking me.

Js' Dad said during his speech at the wedding :

...It's been great seeing them navigate the intricate process of planning a wedding, especially from a distance and to be quite honest, I have no idea how they managed it but they did. That says a lot about a couple and how they can work together through anything. At this point, they are almost ready to attempt putting up wallpaper together. That's when you know you have something solid.

That wine cabinet is our wallpaper.

Wedding Day!

Today, I'm getting married to the most wonderful man I know!

We both never could have imagined what we got ourselves into when we decided to go out for drinks after loosing touch for 4 years.

Now, here we are - getting married! Eeek! Have a special thought for us at 3pm EST and I promise to post pics as soon as I have them! :)


Obviously this entry was written days prior and scheduled to be posted today. I am not blogging on my wedding day... ... ... yet.

Happy 5th Anniversary!

I know the picture is super old but I love it. :)

Happy anniversary to Nickykins and his Pookie!

Together, you are the cutest thing that ever existed.

Cheers to tequila indeed! ;)

Click here for a more recent and classy-pantsy picture.

Wedding update : Magazines

Tip : Leave bridal magazines in the washroom. It works.

I was lucky enough to receive a gigantic collection of wedding magazines from Maggie and I have kept them in constant rotation (a couple favorites have made it through more than one round) in the washrooms and here and there in the house.

Truth be told, Js cannot... evacuate unless he's reading something. Don't tell him I said that - I promise I'm going somewhere with this. He'll run around the house, frantically looking for a book then boot upstairs for a perfect photo-finish. When his desperate search does not prevail, he'll just grab whatever is within arm's reach ; instruction labels, old sappy books I read in the tub, shampoo ingredients list and so on.

In a moment of despair, Js even admitted to reading wedding magazines sometimes behind closed doors. He's not so subtle about it either :

*distant flushing sounds*
Him : Hey honey, you know what I think?
Me : What?
Him : Do you remember those wedding favors you were trying to shove in my face on our drive to Winnipeg last fall?
Me : Yeah, wh...y? (I lie.)
Him : I think they were a great idea. I like the blue ones with the silver foil paper.
Me : Al...right. Where is all this coming from?!
Him : Oh, nowhere. *shrugs* I was just thinking about you and our wedding and how much I love you.

Further investigation proved that the magazine had been moved recently and that page dog-eared. Sneeky.
Along the same lines of conversation, a couple weeks ago :

*minding my own business*
Him : Hey Honey?!
Me : What?
Him : I think we should, about a month before the wedding, try on our wedding bands again to make sure they still fit. This way, it still gives us enough time to get them sized before we leave if they've gone to big or too small.

Me : That's a brilliant idea, babe! We'll do that!
Him : No problem! :)
Me : ... ... you've been reading my magazines, just admit it.
Him : ... ... yes. *shame*... *smile*... I love youuuuuuuuuuu!

I am not discrediting his efforts by saying he got it from a magazine. The simple fact that he actually read them and cared makes me love him even more. Since then we have decided, in our house they are called "wedding magazines" not "bridal magazines".

Happy Anniversary to us! :)

Sunday, July 11th was our 3rd anniversary! It's quite the event so we celebrated by staying up late and watching "She's out of my league". I had to work late because of inventory so Js ordered us some pizza which I nuked when I got home at 8:30pm. Glam!

It was still a bit special for me because :
A) All longevity records have now been broken.
B) It's the last time we'll celebrate our dating-versary.

Next year, we'll celebrate our anniversary on August 14th. Hopefully with a bit more hoopla!

I love him.

Congrats Natasha and Curtis! :)

Our very dear friends are getting married today, we wish them all the best and we are thrilled to be part of their special day!

Wedding Update : Sobbing like a little child

Warning : This ain't gonna be pretty but don't be alarmed, all's fine and dandy!

I went to our friends' rehearsal to keep company. Js is in the wedding party so I was invited to tag along - I ended up playing usher and might for the actual wedding too depending on Uncle Terry's availability. I have no idea who that is.

Anyways... so yeah. My friend Natasha walked down the isle and my friend Curtis was already crying - yes, it was only the rehearsal - and everything was just so lovey dovey, I got all choked up. I am going to sob like a teeny child tomorrow, I can tell. Natasha has a little boy he's three and he's pretty much the cutest thing ever. (As I post this, I realize I've never written about his cuteness before; stay tuned!) He was so good and standing there so proud by his mom and Curtis. For some reason, that kid a-d-o-r-e-s Js and it was so cute because he kept looking at how Curtis and Js were standing and trying to be like them. Awh.

All these emotions and being so happy for my friends just sent me on a spiral of emotions. How much of a mess am I gonna be when our turn comes? Oh my!

What if I make my ugly-cry face walking down the isle and everyone can see it?
What if the photographer can't get a good photo because my face is all red and blotchy from trying in vain to hold back the tears?
What if everyone thinks I'm crying because I'm walking to my doom?

I want to be a happy and lovely bride. I don't want to be my sappy and emotionally unstable self - just for that one day. Please?!

Enough ramblings, I have a ton of things to do to get ready for tomorrow. I have to go in to work in the AM then rush home, change, rush to the church, coach Uncle Terry, sob uncontrollably, run back home, feed the dog, get back to the mess for the reception and try to look alive.

Tattoo - Done!

I got my tattoo this afternoon and the pain was unreal. All well worth it but I think I may have broken one or two of Js' fingers. I swore for one straight hour in two different languages.

It's totally amazing and exactly what I wanted but somehow a million times better than I imagined.

I wanted to get my maiden name because I've decided to change my name when we get married. I wanted to honor, not only my family but who I am. I wanted it to remind me that even though I'm changing my name, I'm still my own person. I'm the same person I've always been, true to my values and my beliefs.

Dog for sale!

This weekend is supposed to be the Base Yard-Sale and true to Saskatchewan weather, it's raining. It's been pissing buckets all week and everyone hoped it would stop in time for the event. It was supposed to be today and then pushed back to tomorrow if it rains. If the sun doesn't come up tomorrow, I'm having a Living-Room-Sale.

To keep myself entertained and ready for the slightest ray of sunshine, I priced everything in the house yesterday. In a moment of craziness, I priced Nova for $0.30 ... she didn't get what was so funny.

Js bought her.

Happy Mother's day to all the proud moms out there!

Mother's day is not only a special day to take mom out for dinner but it's a special day when Moms can proudly show their Mom status without any reservation. I love this photo and I feel it represents well the type of mom-pride I'm talking about.

It's my mom and my best friend's mom, taking pictures of us caught on camera. Just look at their faces! You can tell right away that they are moms taking pictures of their kids... even though we were in our twenties. I'm pretty sure this same scenario played when we left for summer camp or on our high school graduation - actually I know it did.

Here's to moms all over the world, may you show your mom-pride to your hearts content today and every day of the year!

Spending mother's day 3000kms away from my mom is not ideal but we learn to make the most of it.

Last year, I created a little video to one of her favorite songs of a ton of family photos, pics of her and I and her and my dad. It was good for both of us because it allowed me to go down memory lane and hunt for all the best shots and also for her to show it off to all her friends because I posted it on YouTube for a short while. I had to remove it in case curious eyes lingered - there were photos in there of our wedding gown shopping adventures. I sent it to her on a CD she can watch in any DVD player or on any computer so needless to say, she's shown it to everyone.

This year, with a tighter budget than usual due to the wedding and my non-work-ness, I sent her a home made card and I'll be sending her flowers on Thursday with a little note to say that she's just as special any day of the week. :)

I'm lucky to have my mom!