Coming out of the Infertility Closet

There you have it. The cause for this blog-funk I've been stuck in over the last several months. I guess I was always hoping things would work out and I'd never have to bore anyone with my pitty-party posts.

Then, the new year came around and I realized how much I missed blogging and how much self-awareness it gave me. I decided I would just climb out of this whole and get back into the routine that used to bring me such comfort. For that, I need to wipe the slate clean and "come out of the closet" if you will.

I'm not entirely ready to post about it just yet and to go into much detail but I'll say this; it's been nearly three years since we started trying and I've been poked and prodded more than I care to remember over the last six months. We're still in the testing phase to see what's not working and why before we start fixing the broken pieces... if it's at all possible. So we know something's broken, just don't know what yet. But 97% of chances are that it's my biscuit that's busted. That's all we know so far...

So here's to 2012... to getting back to the old habits of positive and constructive posts. :)

A challenge to get out of this rut.

I've been having a hard time putting words to computer screen lately which is really odd for me. To help me get out of this rut and hopefully get back into the blogging swing of things, I've decided to complete a small challenge.

Pretty much a million Facebook friends of mine have been posting about this (mind you, most my Facebook friends are geeks so this may be totally lame) challenge and I woke up this morning with the silly idea to do it and post it on my blog. Hopefully, it'll also keep me motivated to post during the Holiday season.

So here's what it's all about :

Day 01 - A picture of yourself with fifteen facts.
Day 02 - A picture of you and the person you have been closest with the longest.
Day 03 - A picture of the cast from your favorite show.
Day 04 - A picture of a person you'd love to trade places with for a day.
Day 05 - A picture of your night.
Day 06 - A picture of your morning
Day 07 - A picture of you over ten years ago.
Day 08 - A picture that makes you laugh.
Day 09 - A picture of you in your room.
Day 10 - A picture of the person you do the most messed up things with.
Day 11 - A picture of something you hate.
Day 12 - A picture of something you love.
Day 13 - A picture of your favorite band or artist.
Day 14 - A picture of someone you could never imagine your life without.
Day 15 - A picture of something you want to do before you die.
Day 16 - A picture of someone who inspires you.
Day 17 - A picture you're tagged in on facebook, but not actually in
Day 18 - A picture of you had no idea was being taken.
Day 19 - A picture of you drunk.
Day 20 - A picture of somewhere you'd love to travel.
Day 21 - A picture of something you wish you could forget.
Day 22 - A picture of something you wish you were better at.
Day 23 - A picture of your favorite book.
Day 24 - A picture of something you wish you could change.
Day 25 - A picture of your day.
Day 26 - A picture of the last vacation you were on.
Day 27 - A picture of yourself and a family member.
Day 28 - A picture of you on your birthday.
Day 29 - A picture at a time where everything was changing.

Firstly, I don't really know why it's called the 30 day challenge but it only has 29 days to it. If you have a revised list, please feel free to let me know.

Secondly, I'm not sure I'll post an actual picture for all of them but I'll try - this is after all, a blogging exercise for me so I'm going to focus on writing a little sumthin' sumthin'.

There goes nothing...

SO unimpressed. :(

Dammit! I started fiddling with the new template designer on Blogger and suddenly, I couldn't go back to my old layout anymore. I'm so sad.

Now, it looks like all the followers I had have vanished... and all the blogs I was following aren't showing up on the Dashboard thingy anymore.

If anyone has any idea on how to restore some of this stuff... please let me know. I would greatly appreciate it.

Hit or miss

This past week has been really all over the place. Every time I start writing blog post, my mood/mind changes by the time I'm half way through and I end up deleting it or saving it for later thinking - where am I going with this?

There's been a lot of ups and downs around me and I'm kinda torn in between it all. The stress from wedding planning and all that jazz is starting to get to me. The weather has been wacky and my allergies are driving me batty.

I'm not making excuses but that's why I haven't posted as much as I normally do lately. No sense in boring everyone out of their trees because I can't tell my left from my right - well, I actually can't but that's another story.

Ugh, I hate feeling 'beige'.

Blankness

I've had quite a bit going on over here but I can't seem to find anything good to say. It's that beige blankness, again. Kind of like a cycle, wouldn't you agree? Lame.

With the wedding getting nearer and nearer, we're feeling the stress start to get heavier and heavier. We seem to have a lot of things figured out already and most of our ducks are in a row but there are still a few too many strays for my liking.

I'll post wedding updates as they happen or as I find the energy to, which ever comes first. Our weekend was UBER busy but spent some quality time with the boy and the dog so it was okay overall.

I have neglected you, dearest readers. My sincerest apologies! I promise to look deep down into my soul *echo* and find some good to blog about. I am working on some good things and I should focus on that. Look out for wedding updates, some serious decision making, ramblings, procrastination and much much more.

I just want everything else to fall magically into place.

PS: Oh, and I have to attend an award gala thingy tomorrow night so I won't be watching Lost at my usual time. :( Please warn of spoilers with giant neon letters until approximately 11pm CST. I also noticed that I have not blogged/rambled about Lost for the last couple episodes. Denial. That's what that is.

One step backward, Two steps down..

That's my attempt at a negative turn to the saying.

Lately, I feel like progress is like the dollar attached to a string... attached to a racing car.

My emotional and mental self is progressing at a turtle's pace. Considering I'm getting married in 4 months (eek!) that's not good. Don't get me wrong, I love Js with every ounce of my being. I'm the problem. I'm dead on the inside towards everything else (pets excluded - I love my pets!). Is that enough? Can I go on in life not living for anything else buy my spouse and my pets? My values are very dear to me and I wish they played a larger part in my life I wish I allowed myself the time for them to play a larger part in my life. I feel stagnant.

My professional and career-oriented self is dead but not gone. I still feel the need to pursue something that I value and something that I find real pleasure in doing... but I'm very limited and will continue to be for another couple of years I'm affraid. Who wants to hire, train and employ a person knowing full well that they will be leaving within the next couple of years? No one. That's who. I know I should shut it because I have a decent paying job - if only it was in a tolerable setting, it would be ideal. Sadly it is not and there is nothing I can do about it. Believe me, I've tried.

Hi! I'm Debbie Downer, it's Monday!

TFGIFF

I'll let you figure that one out on your own.