Friday, October 31, 2008

Happy Halloweenie!

Yay! It's Hallowe'en! The only Holiday when men who normally dress like women can dress like their childhood superhero!

Last night, Jf and I frantically went from one store to another to find a costume. I had a few ideas and options, Jf just decided he wanted to dress up as he got in his car... SO... needless to say, it was quite hectic!

A message to all my fellow retail workers : Next year, if you want to get in the "Working at the Holidays" mood... please, be my guest and go to places like Vallue Village, Zellers and Cody Party on the eve of the ween. Then quietly sit in a corner, cry and wish it was January.

MAD-NESS! Like I'll-leave-my-purse-in-the-car kinda madness! Just nuts!

Since it was Jf and I, of course, we found what we were looking for. I might have stabbed a couple of people with a fake sword on my way there, not quite sure... It was all a blur!

After, we needed some food and I was meeting up with my good old pal Gilbert for a beer. It was great to catch up with him, talked about this and that and the other thing... what's happened since we last saw eachother (last winter) and then what our plans are for the next couple of years/months/minutes.

It's great to have a friend like that. We meet up a couple of times a year and chit-chat and give eachother a little recap of what our lives are like. We're really different in many many ways, but very much alike in many many other ways. We work together fantastically as a team, we met in college and even now we rely on eachother when we have something to do that seems impossible. Kind of like a "JF-à-Distance". We also realized that we've known eachother for 5 years! 5 YEARS! That's HUGE! And I wouldn't have it any other way! ;o)

Having a talk with Gil always takes me back and makes me revisit the last couple of years. Some things I was proud of, some not so much, and alot of it went by in fast-forward.

So it's Hallowe'en and I'm getting ready to go to work, we got a memo yesterday saying we were allowed to dress up so I hade to figure out a way to wear my costume at work! *squeal* I hope Amina doesn't come in because I think my ears would fall off. Then out with the mo it is. Not sure where, it's in your hands, Batman!

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Virginia would be proud...

It's been a couple of days and I haven't been doing much. I spared the cyberspace the lameness. So now, I'm bored outta my mind and thought I'd come up with something (or try to, at least) to write on here... That's part of the reason I created this thing after all.

Today I went to St-Laurent and had lunch with Nick. Good times. I bought a shirt cause it was cheap with a gift card because I'm poor. Ta-da-dah! See... told you it was lame!

Nick told me he appreciated my blog *waves* and it made me really happy! :o) Didn't think it mattered to anyone what I wrote on here. Like the internet cares about what I do all day!?

It got us talking about how easy vs. hard it is to write when you're not writing to anyone specifically vs. addressing a letter to someone. He likes to write better when he's addressing someone and I like to write better when it's just random thoughts pouring out with no real aim or purpose (like these!). Which is why I really like this blog. Even if I write a letter to a friend, I usually never put a name on the top until I'm done writing it. I feel as though I should censor myself if I'm addressing someone, I consider how the person would interpret this and that... but on a blog that's more public, I don't have to. Strange?

Also, we talked about blogs in general and how he felt sometimes he could not always write EVERYTHING because he knew who was reading his blog. It's true, I don't spill all the beans on here and try not to point at anyone or anything too specific unless I'm making a point. I think it's important to keep a distance, not to have your entire life out there in the open cyberspace. You've gotta keep some prime info for some close friends and keep the mystery alive... ;o)

Speaking of mystery... Reminds me when J and I first-first-first started dating (post-Kujjuaqu, pre-military) . At first, we were not exactly sure what we were getting ourselves into. His enrollment, my apartment, the commitment and all the other "ment"s that come along with the beginning of a new relationship, so we wanted to keep it on the down low until we figured out what we wanted. (aka : not announcing it to the world on Facebook just yet...) People were asking questions, we were so giddy it hurt Nick's ears to hear about it 40hrs a week... and I loved it. We had so many inside jokes, we spent so much time together trying to figure things out. *sigh* People didn't know what was going on with us and we were on top of the world. We eventually had to officially Facebook ('cause it's a verb now!) our relationship because people wouldn't believe that we were a couple... Strange to think what this world's come to! (... and kinda lame too!)

Sunday, October 26, 2008

The good, the bad, the ugly.

The good.

The greatly-fantabulous-most-excellently-amazingness of the bestest-greatest-most-wonderful coincidence of all time! *catches breath* Maggie and I both compared our men's itinirary for their flights home this Holiday... and guess what!? It's a match! This means that our boys are on the same flight home, this means that we will go get them at the airport together and this also means that it will be the most fantabulously-perfectly-awesome-kick-ass start of our Holidays together! If we would have planned it, it wouldn't have worked out better!
I'm so happy that I'll get to share that moment with my best friend. It means a whole lot to me and just the fact that we are both counting down the same amount of days is very comforting! What are the odds eh?! LOL I think Maggie and I have proven many many times that odds don't count when it comes to us.

The bad.

Well there really isn't any bad... it goes straight to ugly.

The ugly.

Or the fugly or craptastic shite pile of gigantic magnitude! My grandpa (my Dad's Dad) has prostate cancer. He's going in for some more testing and such... but I'm not really hopefull. I know I'm not helping and I should try to be more positive about it and keep thinking that everything is going to be alright... but I'm very doubtfull about any of that. He's not the world's most healthiest man and he's not the world's most morally strong person either... and my grandma must be a gigantic mess. Huge. I don't really know what else to say. My dad told me today and I haven't spoken to anyone else in the family yet. I know my aunt must be devestated too. Her and my dad are the two eldest kids of the family and most (read : all) of the responsability always lands on their shoulders and I really hope the rest of the kids will man the EFF up and learn to friggen live with their differences this time around. I'm growing bitter towards my family and it's not cool, especially not at a time like this.

Saturday, October 25, 2008

Pick a purse, any purse!

I'm enjoying this blog. I never realized how many things I realize everyday and this blog is making me realize that I never really realized how many things I realize and don't realize. (?) ... Is it just me or is the room spinning? *dizzy*

So today was pretty marre-vé-lousse! *thick french accent* I had a pretty great day at work, busy but not insane, everyone was doing what they were supposed to be doing and everything went smoothly... I came home to some fantastic news (that still remains unconfirmed so curious minds will have to wait!) changed into something else than black clothes and went to dinner with my best friend and a friend of his I'd never met. (It was a total coincidence, I swear!) Food. Drinks. Cake. Fun was had by all! (I think!)

Most importantly, I came to a great conclusion that made me feel not so bad about breaking my pinky-swear with Nick. (Take it up with Jf, Nick. I had nothing to do with it!)

So when a close friend's relationship has come to an end, what's our job as friends? We want our firend to be happy so we try to find what's best for them and encourage them down that road. In this case, I strongly encouraged my friend to call me at the wee hours of the morning asking me to drive him home or asking me to hold his drink while he reaches for his 35th and hands 4 different guys his phone number. That was my knee jerk reaction in this case : get out there, get laid and come back when you're over it. In other (read : better) words : Don't plunge head first into a relationship, wait until you start dating again and don't get attached to quickly! That is, according to me, the bestest advice that I can give my friend (in this case) for him to live a little and not get hurt again (or hurt anyone else!). He agrees. All is well.

Then why is it that when my friend meets someone new and they start to spend some time together, I wave my mother's finger of shame at him going *tisk tisk*? Why is it that everytime I hear "we're not dating" I want to roll my eyes until I can see the inside of my skull?

How else is he ever going to get to know someone enough to be prepared to reinvest himself in a relationship that will be fullfilling and passionate for both of them? Sure as hell won't accomplish that if he's hanging off the side walk in front of a club too drunk to tell his ass from his face! (Thanks Erin!)

Allow me to translate with purse shopping : You're shopping for a purse with a friend. She's looking at a gorgeous Prada bag. You keep tuggin on her sleeve and begging her to at least consider the pleathery stuff they sell at Wal-Mart. It's cheaper, she'll be able to afford 154 purses for the price of just ONE Prada bag and you can just trash them when they are out of style. But your friend really likes the Prada and is still considering if she should get it or not... LET THE WOMAN CONSIDER THE PRADA BAG!

Clearer now!?

We're old. We don't necessarily need to get hammered out of our minds and do stupid things, that's why we spend so much time doing that a couple of years ago. Now, the wisedom is starting to sink in (for some of us!) and we can't expect to find what we're looking for in the same places and deal with our problems the same way.

My friend was doing exactly what I wanted him to do, exactly what's best for him and RIGHT under my nose and I was a blind fool for not seeing it. They are not adopting a child, they are hanging out and having a good time. For once (once!) he's actually doing what I tell him too... clearly, he must think it's his idea! ;o)

Friday, October 24, 2008

Understanding the limits.

Comics turn my brain to mush. There was something I really wanted to blog about and got side tracked by some comics... and I lost my train of thought. Arg!

Today was a long and painful day back to work. Legs are in intense pain and I fear having to go for some more tests, needles and pain. I've been doing some stretching exercises for a month now and I'm not seeing any improvements. Arg! Oh well... The Holidays are almost here and I won't have time for the pain!

*deep thought*

Chit chatting with a fellow MG tonight (convo did not even have anything to do with the question I'm about to ask) got me thinking... Do we, as MGs, put up with a crap load more from our men just because they are in the military? Let me explain.

Our men are a very special kind. Their jobs (read : lifestyle) is very demanding and they are always under some sort of stress or pressure. They are often sent away from home for long periods of time to undergo some intense training, work some insanely long and exhausting hours or are living in extreme conditions under extreme circumstances. Clearly, it's not always a bouquet of roses for them... or for us.

We support them as best we know how, put our lives on hold (!!) and completely change our lifestyle and even sometimes our hopes and dreams to support their careers. It's a huge commitment and especially for MGs who have no status according to the military and no recognition as a spouse, there ain't much in it for them more than a warm set of arms to cuddle in.

As we try to support them, we try to be understanding and maybe we let a couple of things slide under the radar more often than we would in a civilian (civi) relationship. I don't think I'd put up with a boyfriend who forgot my birthday or our anniversary because things got hectic at the office... but if he was busy that day, somewhere in the desert doing something he's not even allowed to tell you about for your own safety... you tend to be a little bit more forgiving and a little bit more lenient. (Thanks Nick! *sip*)

I mean, not that J's tried any of that on me... he's been good so far with important dates and keeping track of things... :o) *fills with love*

The above is a bit to the extreme... and it's hard to write this without making it seem like I'm pointing at someone : I'm not. I just started wondering about some women (or men) who end up putting up with alot more crap because of their significant other's occupation... Doctors, lawyers, anyone, not just military! There's a limit at being understanding and supportive and being the perfect spouse.

I think talking it out and having your expectations clearly laid out is really important. Wether it's a code word that means "you're going over board" or a simple rule like : You have the first 10 minutes when you get home from work to vent, rant and bitch about your day, then leave it at the door and move on. I'm sure each couple has their own little way of doing it... it's just important not to leave to many gray areas if you ask me.

It's the same for them. Our men are far away and they call us because they want to hear our sweet voice, they miss home and they are looking forward to unwind and talk to someone who dosen't out-rank them. Cue the bitching about our day, PMSing, car problems, family issues... I could go on! They have to work at being supportive of us also. Sure maybe their support dosen't show as boldly as a yellow ribbon tied around a tree... but if there were a Support our PMSing Women ribbon, I'm pretty sure J would have one on his car... and he'd even deserve a badge and a gold star or something! Someone give the man a button!

Anyways... all that to say that I think it's important to recongnize that both side of the relationship needs to be supportive and equally as understanding of the other party's limits.

Does that make any sense at all!? It's getting late and I had a coffee at 7h30 (brilliant, I know!)... and my fingers are getting more tired than my brain... or is it the other way around!?

Pho real.

Today was a pleasant day. Relaxed at home, did a bit of house work, shopped with Jf at Ikea and it was productive enough (more so than the trip to Kanata), then... we decided to poo on my good day and get some Pho for dinner... Bad idea!

It tasted great and we even tried a curry and chicken type... and it was tasty but we were so full, Jf ended up taking pretty much the whole thing home. Anywho's... so we get a coffee... walk the dog and chit chat a bit. I get home and start to relax and get ready for bed... and it's like all of a sudden, my stomach turned around and said "Eff you, Pho!" ... and I'll spare you the deets from here on in... Ew.

Kinda strange, but I wrote a snail-mail letter to the man tonight. We had a difficult situation to deal with this morning that was completely caused by me. All is settled now and I'm doing better than I've been over the last couple of days, I guess I just needed to get it out somehow. He called to say goodnight (before the pho-tastrophy) and like ten seconds after, I felt like telling him so many things. I didn't want to wake him and it didn't feel right to say those things over the phone, so I decided to write him a short but sweet kinda letter.

After turning the appartment upside down (which is probably how it's supposed to go anyways!) and adding "Decent Stationnary" to my shopping wish list, I chose a wonderfully cat-chewed letterhead from my old college and wrote from the deep deep bottom of my heart what I felt this very moment. Kinda stoopid, but it felt really good. I know he won't get it for another week, that's IF I get to mail it tomorrow but I already feel better for telling him, even if he dosen't know it yet. Weird. Must be the Pho.

I'm starting to like this blogging thing. Gives me a good excuse for coming up with intresting things to say here... "I won't have anything intresting to blog about... so I have to get out of these jammies and do something today!"... 'cause projectile-pho is intresting! It also gives me a good objective view on what's going on... like we say in french "J'me r'garde aller!"... good thing I didn't choose to blog a couple of years ago... cause the reality check would not have been a pleasant one!

On that note, I shall return to my ceramic-cold lover for the night... and try to keep the cat away from it all!

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Maudite Jalousie...

What is it with jealousy!? What's the deal? Is there any good that can come from it?

I'm not typically a very jealous person. Yeah, I've been burnt like any other chick and I've got a wall the size of the CN tower... but I'm working on that!

Sometimes I feel, being a military girlfriend (MG), jealousy is something that is almost expected of me. With J being so far away for long periods of time, it's hard to feel 100% secure and confidant in a relationship. I have my moments of weakness when I think "What if...?" but I think I'm pretty good at keeping my feet flat on the ground until I can talk it out with him, get some deets and get the story straight. That's what works for us.

I know he loves me with all his heart and I know I love him with all of mine. I know he would never do anything to hurt me and that he misses me just as much as I miss him. So why do I sometimes react the way I do?

As my good friend Chris said : " [...] you like it or not, you DO feel insecure because you simply don't get to see him. Sure you get to talk... Woopididoo. That doesn't provide the closeness, the contact needed to get that security and trust. So, you're 1- Feeling insecure 2- Weird stories pop 3- You're a woman. So yeah, 1+2+3 = what you're living. "

I think Chris is right on so many levels. This is not normal "me" behavior. The distance is getting to me and it's driving me bonkers. I know I'm not alone in all of this and I know that everyone feels this way at some point during a relationship.

I feel as though sometimes we feed our own anxiety and fears. We (especially women) spiral in a never ending circle of fears and scenarios that play on loop in our heads of the worst situation imaginable. By doing that, we fixate on what's wrong and walk right by clear evidence that we are going insane with doubt. It's hard to trust ; to trust with all of our hearts, purely and without an ounce of questioning.

It's healthy to question, to fear and doubt. It proves to us that we are still human, trying to defend ourselves against pain and misery. If we didn't care, if we didn't worry about those we love, how would we know how much they matter to us?

What's not healthy is to make yourself miserable thinking and over thinking about the teeniest detail or the weirdest coincidence. If you choose to wallow in self pity and spend all day eating ice cream and empty out box after box of tissues wondering if you've been hurt, I say that's too bad for you. You've taken the decision of making your own life miserable before even knowing exactly why. Don't get me wrong, I've done that countless times and I've come to learn that I never accomplished much by doing so. I've only made it harder for me to forget about it because I'd invested so much time, energy and ice cream emergency money into something that wasn't even there.

I've substituted my ice cream spoon for a a good friend and a listening ear. I usually will filter my feelings of insecurity by telling the story to a friend who I know is honest and cares for me. They will tell me if I'm freaking out or give me the cue to pull out the interrogating-won't-buy-any-of-your-bullshit-better-have-a-good-reason-for-this bitch that I am! ;o)

In the long run, jealousy is healthy when taken is smart doses, it's a normal reaction. They way we deal with it is completely up to us...

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Day One. Part Deux.

Is it wrong to post twice in the same day? Am I being unreasonable!? LOL This is probably meant to be a once-a-day thing, but I'm not one to follow rules and I'm gonna use this as much (or as little) as I want!

I realized that I forgot to thank Pierre-Luc for helping me with the title of my blog (Debriefed) and Alex for the little tag line (Marie at one end.) Thanks guys!

Day One.

So this is day one, so I guess I should introduce myself.

I currently live in Ottawa with Jack, my cat (who's licking my arm at this very moment), my boyfriend who's in Moose Jaw (SK) right now (we'll get back to that later... and then some!) and a very large quantity of dust bunnies. I'm a retail sales manager by day... and an event-planner by night (

I created this blog as a way to procrastinate, share my ideas, rants and opinions and since there is always a TON going on in my life, I thought this would be a great way to keep my peeps informed and give them something to read on a rainy day.

I've been re-reading my profiles a couple of different websites I've got going right now to come up with a description of who I am... and here's what I got...

I'm a passionate-determined-bitchy-hard-headed-bit-of-a-feminist-kinda-artsy-independent-bad-joke-making-emotional-weirdo! ... yeah... that's about right! And I blame everything on my mother... go figure!

That's about right, in a nutshell. I'm sure there is still a ton for me to discover about myself... and this blog will be nice enough to keep track for me. *pats blog*


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