Crochet : Puffy hat

I made this hat using a puff-stitch and a super soft and comfy yarn. It doesn't look like it but it's super warm and is really easily made larger or smaller.

Deployment curve ball

Js was supposed to be deploying some time next month. He got the message and everything was going as planned... until this morning.

Firstly, I'd like to point out that I was totally okay with the deployment. It was a short one, safe and chances for extensions were pretty much non-existent. When it comes to deployments, it's pretty much the best you can ask for.

In true military fashion, all got flipped around. Instead of deploying, he's going on a 10 week long course which totally drop kicks our summer and honeymoon plans in the face. I'm happy he's going on the course but it'll take a bit of time to reconfigure our summer and try as best we can not to let it postpone our honeymoon once again. Ugh.

Baking fun : Stormtrooper Cake

I will blog more about this when I regain enough energy.

Crochet : Scarf for Js

Here's a project I completed with my newly acquired crochet skills. Js picked out the yarn all by himself, it's super soft and warm!

Do I have a heart?

... I guess a better question would be : is it fully functional?

I've noticed a pretty constant tendency among friends and acquaintances (thanks Facebook) and it's really making me feel ... odd. Lately, there seems to be more "Everything in my life is going super well, *insert name of deceased parent here* must have something to do with it!" or "Everything in my life is going to shit, *insert name of deceased parent here* help me please!" and I just can't seem to relate.

When things go well, I don't think it's because my Mom is watching over me and plucking out all the obstacles on my path. I don't think she's there, watching over my shoulder and changing my life as an "active player". Like pushing me out of the way when I'm dumb enough to run in front of a bus or keeping my workplace free of conflict in some weird way. I tend to think that the reason I don't run in front of a bus is because she thought me, as a kid, to look both ways before crossing the street. I also think that I'm happy at work because she's thought me to speak my mind and to face and resolve conflict when it gets in my way.

When everything is going to shite, I have a hard time thinking she's going to reach down (or sideways) and help me out. Yes, my memories of her are reassuring but that's what they are - memories. I dig down, look deeply into my shriveled little heart and find the strength to carry on as I would if she was still here. I always wanted to show her how strong I could be and how I could make it in this world on my own and she didn't need to worry about me even if I knew she did. Why would I stop doing that now? She thought me better than that - better than to give up and better than to rely on anything else than my own strength.

I think she gave me the tools to live my life as I do and be confident about my beliefs, my values and my self so that I could (try to) make the best decisions and when I didn't, to be able to deal with it. She always trusted me to make the best decisions for myself even if I haven't always been the sharpest tool in the shed - she knew I had the smarts to get out of it later. Her impact on my life is ongoing but it relies on everything she's thought me over the first 26 years of my life, everything from here on in is my own. My way to honor her is to show myself and everyone who knew her that she was an outstanding mother.

This is just the way I see things and how I deal with my own grief - it's not better or worse than any other way... I just wonder sometimes if I'm being insensitive or if I'm simply being me.

New Hobby : Crochet

Yes, ladies and gays, I have started to crochet. I've been having a hard time finding a hobby that would work for me.

I can't pick anything that requires the TV because well I need a hobby the most is when Js is playing video games. I have tried playing video games but can't play them for very long... I tend to get bored fairly quickly. I do enjoy the Sims and Little Big Planet but it comes in waves.

I really enjoy baking and cooking too but when our freezer is full of prepared goodness and I run out of people to force feed my cupcakes to, I'm back to square one. It's not something I can always do when I'm bored or that's quick to pick up and put down. Also, the dishes kinda make it more work than hobby.

I also really enjoy taking pictures but I'm nowhere near having enough experience, knowledge or equipment to really get immersed in photography. I'm getting there though with the help of my patient, patient friends who allow me to take millions of photos of their kids. My pets now run away at the sight of the camera.

Crochet is perfect! It doesn't cost much, doesn't take much space or preparation and it's something that I can actually use. Sure, eventually I'll be all stocked up on scarves and dishcloths but eventually I'll learn to make something new. I believe I promised (read : threatened with) Nick a tea-pot cozy. 

Another plus : it's immensely entertaining for the cat.

TL;DR

This is what happens when I don't sleep.

Created by yours truly.