Work : Done.

In all the things to get me to face the fact that this move is finally happening, I was convinced that leaving work would be the hardest. I admit, it was not easy, not one bit.

I opened that store, I remember it when it was pink. I remember when we had the make-up on the gondola. I remember before the "shelf" sticker and First Line. It seems like non-sense but it's part of what made that place feel like home to me.

I'll miss the lady with the bright lipstick and matching coat. I'll miss the woman who buys everything. I'll (kinda) miss the woman who returns everything. I'll miss the woman who runs in and puts on blush and 2 years later, still thinks we don't notice. I'll miss the people handing me their Black's Photo receipts. I'll miss the Second Cup people. I'll miss Angry Santa, Gina, Amina and the bunch. I'll miss David.

I won't miss that damned conveyor belt. I won't miss the damn damn doors. I won't miss the "fresh-off-the-85" crew. I won't miss Triversity and that hyper-active scanner. I won't miss make-up components and the never-ending dust. I won't miss those floors or the delivery people.

What I'll miss the most, I think, is the people I worked with. The C-Wood team, my girls. The Mtl/Ottawa Managers team, my friends. I guess one of the reasons it hasn't hit me yet is because I am still in contact with all those people... I still email Claudia and chat with Gen now and then. Sure, things will change, but until they do, I'd like to hold on to the teeny bit of hope that we'll still be friends in 20 years!

So I'm expecting reality to kick in on Monday at 2pm... we'll see how that goes!

Why does "life" have to matter anyways...

Here I am, it's 1:23am and I'm blogging 'cause I can't sleep. Why, you ask? Well... I can't sleep because "life" is happening and part of said "life" is staying up at night worrying, thinking, overthinking, pondering and wondering. Sometimes, even hoping.

What do I really want to be doing right now!? Sleep? Nope. Watching a movie? Nope. Blogging? Nope. Sitting here crying more that my teeny little tear ducts can handle? Nope.

I want to be sitting on my best friend's door step, in the warmest winter suit known to mankind, waiting for tomorrow morning to happen so I can tell her that I love her. That is where I would be right now if life didn't matter. If I didn't have to work tomorrow morning and if I could friggen drive my friggen car. If I didn't have to be reasonable and responsible. I want to tell her that everything is going to work out and be okay and we shouldn't cry but we still need to.

I want to be snuggled on my best friend's couch with a warm blanket while he's making me chicken soup cause I'm sad and feeling gross. 'Cause that's what he does when I'm not having a great time, over-takes-care-of-me. We could be there for days trying to figure out how we are going to live so far apart. If life didn't matter right now, I'd probably drink too much have have to spend the night there. He'd let me sleep in his bed and he'd take the couch cause that's what friends do...

Why does life have to matter and stop me from doing what it seems matters most? I have 4 days left of work and an eternity of things left to do... I want to trash it all and just do what my heart really wants... but I can't because that would be a bit crazy? No? Isn't that what we call people who don't care about the outside world ; crazy?

As much as I want to be with Js and I can't wait to start living together and getting our lives on track, together, I just wish I could take everything that I have here, with me. It's going to be hard for me to be without my close friends. They've been around forever it seems and I can't even consider the thought of maybe imagining what my life would be like without them. It's way too scarry and dark. I'm not affraid one bit of loosing them. I know they will be there for me in their own way and I will be there for them as best I can. There is still so much in my life that I need to experience and I will do my best to help them be a part of it. I want to be a part of their lives even if I am away geographically.

It's going to be hard. Every tiny inch of the way is going to be so difficult, it's going to hurt... like ripping small shreads piece by piece... but we'll make it through cause we'll never be alone...

Real-ness.

What does it take for me to get that "things are real", seriously?! Sometimes I wonder exactly how many times I was dropped on the head as a child.

I'm sitting here, trying to find some information or sources at the least for some technical stuff about our move... and I'm cold so I'm pretty much sitting on my hands to keep them warm when they are not typing. It's a comfort thing, don't ask. As I pull my hand to start typing again, I notice that something on my hand was poking my thigh and left a little imprint... It takes me a good minute of running my finger over the imprint to figure what it is... "It's small and kinda elongated in shape, it's kinda tall but not enough so the dent would hurt me if I sat on it... *deep thought*..." I look around to see if anything fell when I pulled my hand and then I look at my hand and it's staring at me, blinking some reflective light at me... it was my ring!

Me. Moi. Self. Bibi. I'm engaged and getting married to the most wonderful man on the planet. The type of man who understands that I need to sit on my ring to realize how true it is.

It's not my imagination anymore and it's not a visual trick or hallucination, there really really really is a ring on my finger. Made with real gold and real diamonds. I'm really considering booking all those venue sites I've been visiting and I'm seriously deciding who I want to invite to the blessed event. I really did book an appointment to go try on some dresses this Sunday and I really am going to do all I can to stop the woman at the bridal store from putting a veil on my head and making me hold an ancient looking bouquet of fake roses with tulle. Tulle. Tulle. ... Tulle.

I wrote a little email that I want to send to my friends from work before leaving. I want them to know how much I've appreciated working with them. I sent my resignation letter a week ago and I've been talking with my boss about potential new managers for at least a month... But it hit me yesterday that I was really leaving my job when I was writing my little message.

What is it going to take for me to realize that my move to Saskatchewan is real? I really hope I'm not there when it hits...

It's real now. No doubt about it!

Yup! It's all done, I sent my official resignation letter to my work and I can finally officially start going crazy about this move. I don't think I "officially" announced it on here due to situation with work and I didn't want one of my two readers to go into shock so I made sure he realized what this meant before making it too "real"... but it is. I'm moving to Moose Jaw in a matter of weeks (yes, that's right folks, weeks!) to be with Js until the next posting comes along. We've been waiting for a place to live for *counts on fingers* six months now and we finally got confirmation and all...

It's time for me to dig my head out of the sand, take a deep breath and start crying. Yes, that's right. I cry. Tons. It's what I do when I'm happy, sad, confused, angry. I have real tear ducts, I can even see them and I'll show anyone who doesn't believe me. I kid, you've probably all seen me cry (except for Erin!) but I'm talking like giant rivers of crying... like "I'm moving away from all of my friends" tears!

Don't get me wrong, I'm thrilled about being with Js and actually start living together like a (somewhat) normal couple. I can't wait to start "living" together instead of "being" apart.

Since day one, when we found out we were going to Moose Jaw, I've always said : I wish I could just wake up there, skip the "leaving" part and just wake up there with my life already set up for me and my cat already adjusted to his new home. Well, that didn't happen, so here I am. Living everyday knowing that I'm leaving soon, making time to spend with family and friends before I leave, trying to get my life together (and in order) for the move to go smoothly. Sure, sure, the military moves us! Right! Are they going to take my cat to the vet for me? Are they going to help me sell my car? Are they going to send notice to my landlord/hydro/Bell/Telus/this-and-that-and-the-other-thing? Nope. So the actual move, yes, they will do for us, but to prepare for it, that's up to me. *faints*

Right now, it's 3:07am, I'm sobbing like a child because I just realized that I won't be able to move Nick's Jam cause it's open and it won't keep for the time it will take to move it to Sask. I'm not moving from Orleans to Ottawa, I can't just store it in a cooler for the 20 minute drive.

Yes, that's how I measure distance! Well... that's how I realize how far away I'm moving on a sleepless Sunday night.

Cat talk

Getting back in the swing of things...

It's more of a dangle really!...

The Holidays and the new year so far have been quite eventful. So eventful that I haven't had a chance to sit back and take a good look at it all. I've lost track of my blogging and I think a good update is in order. In my last post, I listed a couple things to quickly keep track of a couple of things. So here goes... more details!

- *bling bling* I got my ring and it fits now and I love it!

So yep! We are now happily engaged! YAY! We are slowly looking at some options and ideas for our wedding celebration but we want to take our time and not rush into the decision making process. I want to be able to enjoy being engaged even if the little OCD in me tries to take over once in a while... I try my best not to over think things. Maggie gave me a GIANT box of magazines and I've only read about 6 of them so far. Some of them make me cringe and black out... then I wake up holding a bra and a can of lighter fluid. I'm sure I'll be posting a TON more about the wedding indurstry complex (WIC) as our plans progress. I've got a few musing about what I would like our wedding to be and what it means and so on... but we'll give those a post of their own! ;o)

- We went to Montreal to spend some time with friends, much fun!

We had a TON of fun in Montreal! Our little trip allowed us to spend some time with friends and spend some time with eachother. It was just the perfect balance if you ask me! I love how Js can get along so easily with my friends and I get along well with his friends too (at least I think they like me! Hehe!) We had a great time with my friends from work, managers from the Montreal area. I'm so glad I got to spend some time with them outside of work. I also got to say goodbye to Eric in person and wish him the best.

- We had a car accident. Nothing major and no one else involved. I need massage therapy.

We wanted to come back to Ottawa on the 7th because Js' dad had surgery and we still had a ton of things to do out here before his leave was over. There was a huge snow storm and we decided to leave early to be able to make it in to Ottawa in time to have dinner with his dad. That didn't go as planned at all! I'll save you the details from the car accident because it's really hard to explain without using my phone as the car and making tire noises. Even if it was one of the most intense things we've had to power through as a couple, we didn't scream, we didn't yell, we worked as a team to find solutions and come up with ways to cope. I'm sure this will come up in a post of it's own too... Oh, and my back hurt like a bitch!

- J is leaving for Moose Jaw in 2 sleeps.

It's been a couple of days since then so he's gone now. He left at 8:25am on Saturday morning and landed safely in Regina that late afternoon. We're both trying to get back to our routine. Getting used to being appart again. My sleep patterns get all effed up everytime he's home no matter for how long so expect some posts this week. I will most likely have nothing better to do.

- Hum... that's all I've got for now.

So I thought I didn't have much to say, but this little recap showed me that there's a bunch of things to fill my blog posts with that I've neglected over the past couple of weeks. I've got to keep my mind busy if I don't want to get all crazy and stuff... Considering everything that's just waiting for me around the corner, it'll be a fun filled year and I'm sure I won't run out of things to post about... I'll my game back on in no time!

It's been a while...

I've kinda neglected you, dear blog and I'm sorry! J's been home for the Holidays and I haven't had much time. Things go by UBER quickly during the Holidays and there's no time to log it all. Just to tease, here's a couple of things I need to update you on :

- *bling bling* I got my ring and it fits now and I love it!
- We went to Montreal to spend some time with friends, much fun!
- We had a car accident. Nothing major and no one else involved. I need massage therapy.
- J is leaving for Moose Jaw in 2 sleeps.
- Hum... that's all I've got for now.