Getting older doesn't get easier with age

I don't feel old but I know I'm not getting any younger. I remember being 13 years old and thinking "I want to be married, have a career and start having kids by the time I'm 26!" ...then life happened.

I haven't been married yet but that will be resolved this summer. Not exactly as per my innocent schedule but close enough. Over the last year, my Mom's been making comments about how long she's had to wait for me to finally get married and how she'd totally given up hope of me ever getting married. It does not make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside to hear her say that. I know she wants all the best for me and she wants to see me forever happy in love but ... ouch - that was kind of harsh! As for me, I don't have a problem with getting married at this point in my life and I don't think I've failed myself by not getting married sooner. I'm glad I waited around for the right guy to magically appear and take me away to Saskatchewan.

As for the career, well... the whole Saskatchewan part kinda took a large poo on that. I had a good thing going for me in Ottawa but I haven't found any opportunities to pursue my career out here in friendly Moose Jaw. It pushed me to learn new things and do a whole lot of soul searching. I'm still looking for a new passion as I slave away behind a desk. At least I can look back and know that I did something I loved once. Some people go their entire lives hating their jobs and that's my silver lining.

As for the kids well we're just not quite there yet. In a way, if it were to happen I think we'd be thrilled! On the other hand, I don't think we're quite ready just yet to stop trying not to conceive. We both want kids and we both don't want to wait too late *tic toc* but we're in no rush to get there before we're ready. We want to have a child for the right reasons not only because it's the right time. Js has been talking a lot more about babies and the such lately and I have to say I'm a bit terrified because I think his clock is ticking faster than mine. I might change my tune when the wedding is over and all that but for now, waiting is best.

Looking at all this, I think I did fairly well. Even if I don't have kinds, I'm not married yet and I don't have a career anymore - I feel like I've accomplished more than I ever thought I could. You can't plan life according to your age because time doesn't stop ticking until you're ready for it to start again. I am in a committed and loving relationship more so than I've ever been in my whole live, I have had a career, loved it and learned a lot about myself and I'm considering the idea of having kids now which is more than I could have said if you'd asked me this question 3 years ago.

I think I've done fairly well and I can tap my 13 year old self on the back for a job well done.

Let's pretend I can still say "early twenties"...

So this is it, my big birthday weekend is over and I have to say it wasn't nearly as horrible as I'd made it up to be in my mind. I had a great time and everything turned out great.

This is, not only my first birthday away from home, but my first special event that I don't get to spend with my family and close friends. I've been lucky enough and Js has been able to come home for all my birthdays so far (Even if it meant him not sleeping for over 48 hours and involving a 6 hour bus ride.) but this one was just totally out of the question for us. With him in Cornwall on course and me out here, trying to find work and getting settled, there was no way either of us could travel the distance for a short weekend.

Needless to say, knowing this far enough in advance, I'd envisioned my birthday to be a painful day-long torture of tears and sadness. *drama* I knew I was going to miss my family the most that day and I knew it would be hard for my parents to since I wasn't at home to celebrate with them. Overall, it was good. I spent the entire weekend with friends and not by my sad, sad lonesome as I envisioned.

I got a gazillion packages and cards on Friday but couldn't wait until Saturday to open them so I did. It put me in a great mood and then I went over to a friends house for dinner and some partying. The food was good and they even got me a cake! I felt so spoiled! We went out and got totally trashed (Classy, I know!) but the night was great. I went to bed that night feeling (although immensely intoxicated) happy and very satisfied with the evening.

When I woke up the next morning, it was a completely different story. It's like my body did a 180 and said "Eff you, Youth!" I could barely drag my sorry arse to the washroom and splash some cold water on my face. The day was excruciating. It took me a good 2 hours to be able to find/retrieve my phone and then another hour to muster enough energy to return my 4 missed calls from family wanting to wish me a happy birthday. I crawled around the house all day, drank a lot of fluids and avoiding any sudden movements.

I went to bed thinking "I'm still young! I can still party! Oh yeah!" and woke up thinking "Why do I feel like I drank an entire bucket of hot sauce?"

Then, I figured it out. This is what if feels like to go from "early twenties" to "late twenties". Good to know!