Take *that* Santa!

We are DONE the Christmas shopping for the kids. :)

We only got them a few small toys like blocks and balls and more "advanced" rattles along with one bigger toy, an activity block like the ones at the Dr's office. :)

They are still too little to understand Christmas but we still wanted to get them some stuff we would end up getting them anyway.

We don't really have that many toys for them and didn't buy any in advance because there was so much more useful stuff we actually needed right away "times two".

Truth be told, we also want to wait until Boxing Day and once we've opened all the gifts from family.

Next year, there will be less room for error and they will need more expensive toys so we are keeping it low key this year and making our first Christmas with them more about the memories we are making for ourselves.

Last Christmas I made a huge traditional meat pie dish that contained dear and beef and porc and chicken, gagging the whole way through because of my aversion to meat and watched Love Actually on a loop with a cold cloth on my forehead. It was grand. I felt so blessed, nausea and all, and I tried to imagine what this Christmas would be like... I still haven't the faintest clue but I'm pretty excited. :)

Blogger app? Whaaat?!

I finally dug my head out of my ass and download the Blogger app onto my phone. Hurray!

Meaning I should be able to blog more even if there is a small child playing/vomiting/sleeping on me.

Yay!!

Rock, Paper, Twins - I win.

So my husband and I went out for a late lunch yesterday with the twinslets and his co-worker's girlfriend was our server and when the restaurant quieted down, she came to chat with us. She was complaining that she was tired and overworked to which my husband, equipped with his best most tiny-teeniest most saddest violin said "Rock, Paper, Twins. You lose." and I shit you not, she said "No. Seriously, guys you can't be more tired than I am. You have no idea. I've been here since 7 am this morning." Note that it was 3pm-ish at this point. I didn't say anything because I probably would have gotten arrested but my husband replied "Exactly, before 7am, you were sleeping peacefully and once your shift is done you get to go home and stop doing whatever it is that makes you tired." My answer would have been something closer to "Betch I'mma cut you!" alas, I had to play nice. She wouldn't let up so just so she would leave we called it even.

But she wasn't done pissing me off for the day, no sir! Betch came back and went on and on about how twins run in her family and bla-bla-bli-bla-shut-your-whore-mouth and said "I'm not looking forward to having twins." (like it's a sure deal) and I, quite proudly, replied "Well don't worry, it won't be as bad as working since 7 am." Are you for fucking real?

Anyways, lessons learned:

What not to say to a woman pregnant with twins

Now, don't get me wrong - I loved being pregnant. It wasn't always rainbows and butterflies but my pregnancy was relatively uneventful and I was able to enjoy the "magical time" although I doubt being nauseous 24\7, extra armpit hair, not being able to clip your toenails, and being an unstoppable disgusting nuclear-weapon-grade gas machine is anything remotely close to anyone's definition of "magical".

I loved my overgrowing belly and boobs. I loved feeling the babies kick and flip. I selfishly loved having them all to myself. I loved having tougher nails, thicker hair, and having to buy a whole new wardrobe.

However, being pregnant comes with having to deal with stupid people saying stupid things. Mind you, some people mean well and don't think they sound like an idiot but they do. And during this "magical" time, I was able to blame the hormones for being a rude sarcastic shrew. Now that my friends is truly magical!

Some idiot comments don't even warrant a response. Anything along the lines of "Whoa! You're HUGE!", "Are you sure you don't have two in there?", and "Sleep now while you can!" can only be ignored or drop kicked in the face but for the record:

A) When did it become acceptable to loudly comment on a stranger's size or physical appearance? How about I comment on your pajama pants, crazy WalMart lady?
B) There are two in there you wang. But if I tell you that I'll have to keep talking to you because you'll want to know shit that don't concern you. Lets leave the small beings inside my uterus out of this and both continue on our merry way before I cut you.
C) YOU CAN'T ACCUMULATE SLEEP!

Here are a few idiot comments we got during the pregnancy. I say "we" here because my husband got a few good ones too and normally if we're both present when graced with this wisdom, I let him handle the idiot for fear of getting sued or hurting the babies in the process of slapping a bitch.

Idiot: "Isn't it a bit early to announce your pregnancy to everyone?"
Do you realize you're pretty much saying "Well, you could still lose the babies" to a very hormonal pregnant woman? Do you? Because if you do, then you're most welcome to go fuck your hat.

Idiot: Oh twins! Do you know what they are?
Humans. They're humans. Yes I know what genders they are. And no it don't concern you. None of your fucking business is what they are.

Idiot: A boy and a girl - and on your first try! Well done!
First try? FIRST TRY? *fumes* After three years of trying to conceive, it's a well beaten path, my friend!

Idiot: A boy and a girl - are they identical?
No. One has a penis and the other one a vagina. How could they possibly be identical you wad?

Idiot: Twins - how did you manage that?
*walk away*

Idiot: You're never going to sleep again!
Thanks for the fucking great encouragement there asshole! I'll make sure to think about this gem of wisdom next time I'm elbow deep in poop at 3am.

Idiot: If you can get them on the same feeding schedule, it can't be that hard.
Oh reeeallllyyy? Is that how you did things when you had your twins? Oh right, you have no idea what you're saying and you are speaking straight out of your ass. Until my babies can tell the time and wear a teeny watch and use a teeny day planner I don't expect them to know what each other's schedule is like. 

That's all I got for now... I'm sure random strangers will continue to grace me with their nuggets of wisdom or insane questions and I hope to be able to continue to bring them here if not for your amusement, in hopes that some idiot will come across this and know how profoundly stupid they sound.

Getting back on track!

It's been way too long since I've taken the time to step back and look at my life and spew random thoughts, feelings, and opinions on here. Way too long. It's amazing (and terrifying) how quickly we can forget how important it is to just assess what's happening instead of reacting immediately. I miss that most when I don't blog, I think.

Enough of that!

I'm glad to be back! :) I'll be working on revamping the look and branding of the blog a bit to go along with the semi-new direction I'm hoping to take it.

For those who haven't figured it out yet from my (not so) subtle posts back in December... We're having BABIES!! Yes, plural. A common "side effect" from our fertility treatments - though I don't know how I feel about calling my future children "side effects". Sure, babies are a side effect of having sex but with the dosage of medication I had to take... "side effects" doesn't have a very positive connotation in this context.

Enough about that for now. I've been keeping log of my thoughts and the conflicting (as per usual) ideas and opinions that keep me awake at night - or during my mid-afternoon nap - so I'm looking forward to putting them all to computer screen and sharing them. Thoughts I never thought I would even consider but now looking at the world through the still wee eyes of these wee human beings that are currently, I can only assume, having a tap dancing contest - the world is a brand new magical and scary place. I'm all the more intrigued...