Breathe.

Right now, I'm taking a breather from cleaning this apartment for the last time. I've got the movers coming in for an appraisal tomorrow and then there's a showing at 3pm, hopefully, I'll be bringing back my empties at that time because : A) The quantity shameful. B) I really really don't want to be here. I don't want to meet the strangers who are considering living in this place.

This place went from "my place" to "Vero's and my place" to "Js' and my place"... it's a good thing these walls only have ears... cause they'd have way too much to say. Sure, the place is kinda crummy, the plumbing sucks, it's either too hot or too cold at all times, the kitchen floor hates me and the utilities are ancient, but it's MY place. Sure, Js lives here too but it's mine in the sense that I picked it, it's mostly furnished with my stuff the way that I want it and I've been here for 2 years and some... All my memories for the last 2 years brings me back here.

I got this apartment, my very first apartment all to myself, on my birthday. It was awesome! I had cake with my parents standing in an empty kitchen with plastic cutlery. I also, a couple of days later, ate some St-Hubert take-out on the living room floor with very little lighting coming fom the closet bulb with Vero. I was so happy about my new place and now I'm sad to leave it.

When I rented this place, I sure as hell did not think I would be leaving it for a duplex in Bushell Park, Saskatchewan. I would probably leave it for a larger apartment a bit more towards the west end of the city or maybe even a small condo. I planned on living her for a couple of years and then getting something bigger, settling down and doing the normal thing. Things have changed and my plans kinda did a 180 on me... and that's perfectly fine. I wouldn't have it any other way. It just makes me realize how much life has changed over the past 2 years. How much I have changed.

Now, I know what I want from this life. I don't know where I'm going but I know I want to be there. I don't know who else will be there with me but I know Js will be.

I'd told myself that I would paint if I stayed here more than a year. That didn't happen. One year into living here, I couldn't even commit to a pair of pants in the morning. (Oh! Anna Nalick! You always play on the radio at the perfect time! I swear I named this post way before!) I never set up any curtains other than the bathroom and the kitchen. I didn't want to punch holes in the ancient plaster walls and I didn't really care. I loved my floors but I never washed them. I thought this place was quite big for the price and the layout was perfect but I complained all the time about lack of storage and space.

This was Jack's first official house with me. Sure, he lived at Marianne's for a little bit, but I only accepted to keep him because I knew I was moving out... so the adventure of Jack and me started here. I've associated my cat with "home" as much as these walls. He'll miss the wide windows and lack of closet door resistance.

This teeny little space represented my ability to provide for myself, to be independent ; it gave me a sense of freedom. I've established that and I proved to myself that I could do this. I have the confidence of being able to do anything I set my mind to. Now it's time to prove myself something else... and with the challenge that awaits, I'm sure I'll be given plenty of opportunity to do so.

G'bye little apartment! As of tomorrow, you're as much mine as the people who are coming to contemplate living here. I hope the walls keep their mouths shut.