Emotional breakdown begins... now.

Sob. Sob. Sob. It's all I seem to be able to do these past couple of days. It's the only thing I do with any motivation. Not that I want to be an emotional wreck but it just seems to be the only thing I can justify doing. I have to-do lists the length of my arm yet I don't seem to be able to peel myself away from the nostalgia of leaving this place, this city, my family and friends. Everything always seems to be gravitating around that and it makes it hard for me to be productive doing the shit that needs to get done.

Part of me may think it's the evil evil denial wall of doom that just hit, part of me thinks it's just normal. Needless to say, I'm a bit confused about my feelings towards all of this.

My parents organized me a dinner, earlier this week, with my family and some close friends. I was really happy to see everyone enjoying themselves. I was strong and held a smiling face up until I got into Maggie's car for the drive back to Ottawa. I was so proud of myself for not breaking down in front of everyone. I knew I was going back home over the weekend to spend some quality time with my parents so I told a few people who I didn't get a chance to talk to as much as I would have liked that I'd drop by. Which is what I did today, hence this Saturday-night-sob-fest.

I'm really glad I did but now I can't stop crying. In an attempt at getting the feelings out, I wrote everyone who came to my dinner a thank you card which turned into more of a letter for some. It helped with the "getting over it" but not as much with the "getting some sleep" part.

Now, tomorrow (or maybe even tonight, depending on how much sleep I get) I have to finish up on all my pre-move cleaning/sorting. I'm going for breakfast with Jf to spend a bit of quality time and some preventive freak-out measures.

I have absolutely no clue what to expect when the movers walk in here on Monday morning. None. I hope Js has a good grasp on what's supposed to happen cause it's really all a blur on this side of things.

I've been waiting for so long for things to move so fast, my head is spinny.