Do you have the time?

Js is coming home in 39 sleeps and seems like time is snailing by at lightning speed. Does that make sense?

When you get involved with the military world, regardless of your position, your perception of time changes. If you're a member, a spouse, a parent or even a friend, what seemed like an eternity before can now seem like a second and vice versa.

When Js left for his BMQ training in St-Jean, I was terrified of the thirteen weeks we'd have to be apart! Sure, he was able to come home on some weekends, but I remember a 2 month stretch when his passes kept getting taken from him or the entire platoon. I was furious at the injustice that he'd be kept away from me for this long. Two months away from home, from family! How horrible! When those 13 weeks are finally a thing of the past, you feel like you are ready to confront any time separation the military throws your way! Two months? Three months? Four months? Bring it! You made it : together, you survived basic!

Don't get me wrong, I still miss him a whole lot! It doesn't mean that I don't miss him if I learn to accept that he will be gone. That's what I've learned and that's what's kept me sane from the very moment I found out he was going to Moose Jaw.

For the first couple of weeks he was away, I missed him. Oh, how I missed him! I didn't show it as much and I didn't admit it to myself. It took me a while to understand why I was reacting this way. I felt like the bad girlfriend for not crying myself to sleep every night because his side of the bed was so cold. We show people we love exactly how much we love them by measuring how much we miss them when we are apart. When you know you will be apart for such a long time and there's nothing you can do about it, you have to find different ways to show and express your love for each other. That's what support and understanding is. That's what encouragement and dedication is. It's a lot better for the relationship morale and it's also a lot cheaper in Kleenexes and ice cream.

I've learned to deal with missing him with this posting. I'm sure it won't always be like this and I can assure you, I don't think I could be this strong if he was in the sandbox. It's just a completely different ball game. It's kept me together and kept us alive for this long, and I'm going to stick with it.

All that's fine and dandy, but what about when days feel never ending and hands on your clock seem to be going backwards, when the seconds start to feel like years? Your time perception gets flipped inside out like an old sock, once again. I know that will hit me when I can start saying he's coming home in less than thirty days or I can start counting down the weeks! When weeks become days and days become hours and hours become minutes and minutes become seconds until I can hold my man in my arms again, that's when all the clocks in the world turn against you.

It's like following an geriatric person in a mall (believe me! I know what I'm talking about with this one!) and you're on your lunch break and you've only got 10 minutes left to run to Bulk Barn and get the chocolate that will help you make it to 9pm by yourself on yet another Saturday night. If the older person is inching their merry way at the beginning of your break on a slow Monday afternoon, you don't feel like smacking them just as hard! (For the record : I got nothing against the elderly.)

Postings are like slow walkers in narrow corridors.

Side note : I feel like there's a ton to say but at the same time, I don't know what to write about. It's weird. Maybe it's kind of like what Nick was saying : you start censoring what you have to say according to who reads your blog.

I read over my posts and I guess that put a couple of things in perspective and that's what's making me censor my thoughts a little bit. I find that it's never any good when I write on impulse. No good can come of posting random irrational thoughts on the internet so they can roam about the cyberspace freely and most likely come back and bite you in the ass a while down the road.

That said, there's also a couple of things that I started blogging about (got the drafts to prove it!) but decided not to post because they are too personal or they are about an observation that I made about/for someone else. I hesitate because I don't know how I would feel if someone started posting personal stuff about me.

So, I try to blog about random/general things. If you know me, you know how many times in a day random things pop in my brain, so I'm nowhere near running out of ideas!