Getting older doesn't get easier with age

I don't feel old but I know I'm not getting any younger. I remember being 13 years old and thinking "I want to be married, have a career and start having kids by the time I'm 26!" ...then life happened.

I haven't been married yet but that will be resolved this summer. Not exactly as per my innocent schedule but close enough. Over the last year, my Mom's been making comments about how long she's had to wait for me to finally get married and how she'd totally given up hope of me ever getting married. It does not make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside to hear her say that. I know she wants all the best for me and she wants to see me forever happy in love but ... ouch - that was kind of harsh! As for me, I don't have a problem with getting married at this point in my life and I don't think I've failed myself by not getting married sooner. I'm glad I waited around for the right guy to magically appear and take me away to Saskatchewan.

As for the career, well... the whole Saskatchewan part kinda took a large poo on that. I had a good thing going for me in Ottawa but I haven't found any opportunities to pursue my career out here in friendly Moose Jaw. It pushed me to learn new things and do a whole lot of soul searching. I'm still looking for a new passion as I slave away behind a desk. At least I can look back and know that I did something I loved once. Some people go their entire lives hating their jobs and that's my silver lining.

As for the kids well we're just not quite there yet. In a way, if it were to happen I think we'd be thrilled! On the other hand, I don't think we're quite ready just yet to stop trying not to conceive. We both want kids and we both don't want to wait too late *tic toc* but we're in no rush to get there before we're ready. We want to have a child for the right reasons not only because it's the right time. Js has been talking a lot more about babies and the such lately and I have to say I'm a bit terrified because I think his clock is ticking faster than mine. I might change my tune when the wedding is over and all that but for now, waiting is best.

Looking at all this, I think I did fairly well. Even if I don't have kinds, I'm not married yet and I don't have a career anymore - I feel like I've accomplished more than I ever thought I could. You can't plan life according to your age because time doesn't stop ticking until you're ready for it to start again. I am in a committed and loving relationship more so than I've ever been in my whole live, I have had a career, loved it and learned a lot about myself and I'm considering the idea of having kids now which is more than I could have said if you'd asked me this question 3 years ago.

I think I've done fairly well and I can tap my 13 year old self on the back for a job well done.

Wedding update : Wedding shoes. I has dem.

Yes - that's right! Since Js has seen them (I had to test the heal-height-kiss-height-ratio was good) I can post them on here as a sneak preview! Hurray!

It's my birthday and I won't cry unless I have to.

It was my birthday on Sunday and I didn't even shed a tear which is quite the feat considering my state of mind lately. It was a good weekend and it was also very exhausting.

Saturday we spent the whole day doing chores and getting groceries and enjoying the nice weather. I was supposed to nap to make sure I'd be able to make it through the evening but I didn't get a chance to. We had friends over for dinner and then more friends joined in later to hang out, drink and eat brownies. :) I was super happy about not having to make my own cake - my friend Lindsey made me some delicious brownies that were pretty much oozing with happiness. Mmmm!

Then yesterday was my actual birthday. I had a webcam date with my Aunt so I could open the gift she sent me and it turns out, my grand-ma, grand-pa and my Dad were there to surprise me! :) It was great to see them but didn't help with the whole "missing them" part. Js went to get me a Starbucks coffee and a Timmy's bagel. He had to entertain my OCDness, it was my birthday after all! ;) Plus he got me purty flowers so he wins.

He had to work for like 2 hours so I decided to go all crazy working on wedding invitations. He got home and we finished cutting and folding the first part. I'm quite impressed at the amount of work we were able to accomplish in one day! These babies have to be sent out by the end of the month *hopeful* to meet the deadline.

We had delicious Thai for supper and then we wanted to watch a movie but we were both exhausted and didn't want to commit to an hour long movie so we just watched some TV shows until I fell asleep. Roughly 20 minutes later. :)

Overall it was a good and pleasant day and I don't think getting older is so bad... yet!

Wedding update : To veil or not to veil

Life is full of tough choices and normally, people try to make things simpler. I, on the other hand, seem to sadistically enjoy making things more complicated. Are you shocked? Didn't think so.

When it came time to pick out my wedding day attire, I knew I wanted an ivory dress, I knew I wanted something romantic (I won't post too many details in case curious eyes linger) and I didn't want anything too over the top. Cue in long shopping days, countless layers of tulle and a couple frazzled sales ladies - I finally found and picked the perfect gown.

As everyone around me sighed with relief, looming around the corner was a small sparkly bit of tulle full of hope. A veil.

The first thing I asked myself was if I really wanted one. Yes, I knew I wanted to wear something on my head. But what? I didn't want anything too long and poofy, I didn't want anything to cover my face and I didn't want anything that would get caught in a great aunt's brooch. Sounds simple, right?! Right!?

Well it's not.

My mom made a HUGE deal about me wearing a veil - in her own little guilt-tripping ways. I knew that if I didn't wear a veil at all, I'd really upset her. (Notice here how I say "I would upset her" instead of "it would upset her"... yes, she's that' good!)

The few sales ladies who were brave enough to catch me off guard and stick a veil on my head (their courage was quite impressive) in an attempt at getting me to cry or to say "That's the one!" under my breath were sourly disappointed. It just didn't do anything for me and sort of made me go "meh" at every veil I saw. Don't get me wrong, I think veils are super pretty and some of the detailing is just gorgeous. Just not on my head, for some strange reason.

I started looking at some alternatives and finally decided on something that works for everyone. It's a good compromise for my mom, she still gets to fiddle with it as much as her heart desires (or until my patience expires - whichever comes first). For me, it's got that not-too-traditional vibe to it and it's uber romantic so there. Voilà!

A bit of it had to do with the whole cover-your-face-until-he's-already-said-yes-in-case-he-wants-to-run-away-when-he-sees-you and a bit of it had to do with how they just felt silly on my head and not very "me".

There you have it, pretty much my entire attire is picked out now. I'm off to buy my shoes (!!) tomorrow and then I'll probably only need a couple extra things (oh, and I need some fancy-shmancy underthings) and we'll be good to go. Eeek!

Wedding countdown - eek!

Today marks the 3 months, 3 weeks and 3 days countdown milestone to our wedding.



Eeek!

Short Interruption

So Nick complained that I didn't blog enough and then when I did blog, it wasn't the right *kind* of post... so here's another (probably boring) update on how things are going on here in Casa Del My Brain.

Due to a bunch of old reasons I'm not entirely ready to discuss on here just yet, I'm off work for a short bit. Doctor's orders. Enough time for me to focus on what matters right now and to get out of this rut. I think it'll do me good.

I have never in my life been off work for so long. I've only ever had a Doctor's note for my ear infection from this winter. This will either be very interesting... or very boring.

This also means that I'll have more time to blog, think about random things and document my life away on cyberspace. Hurray! Right... right!?

Blankness

I've had quite a bit going on over here but I can't seem to find anything good to say. It's that beige blankness, again. Kind of like a cycle, wouldn't you agree? Lame.

With the wedding getting nearer and nearer, we're feeling the stress start to get heavier and heavier. We seem to have a lot of things figured out already and most of our ducks are in a row but there are still a few too many strays for my liking.

I'll post wedding updates as they happen or as I find the energy to, which ever comes first. Our weekend was UBER busy but spent some quality time with the boy and the dog so it was okay overall.

I have neglected you, dearest readers. My sincerest apologies! I promise to look deep down into my soul *echo* and find some good to blog about. I am working on some good things and I should focus on that. Look out for wedding updates, some serious decision making, ramblings, procrastination and much much more.

I just want everything else to fall magically into place.

PS: Oh, and I have to attend an award gala thingy tomorrow night so I won't be watching Lost at my usual time. :( Please warn of spoilers with giant neon letters until approximately 11pm CST. I also noticed that I have not blogged/rambled about Lost for the last couple episodes. Denial. That's what that is.

Baking Fun - Tinkerbell Cake Pan

I'm not particularly fond of Tinkerbell but I got a special request for a friend's birthday. I'm very pleased with the turn out.

Tinkerbell Wilton Cake Pan

My advice : Save up a whole week's worth of patience before attempting your very first Wilton Cake Pan.

The cake was a simple vanilla cake. They wanted a basic plain vanilla cake so I'm not going to lie, with all the effort I put into the icing and decoration, this cake came straight from a box. (Nick Ross, take you mind out of the gutter!) The only kind of cake I wouldn't recommend for this is the "only add water" kind. I find those to go dry and not have a lot of "lift" to them. The ones that need eggs and/or oil seem to stay moist a bit longer and have a bit more flavor to them. Sure, more calories but with all the icing we're going to throw on there... does it really matter?!

I fallowed the method indicated on the Wilton website. I had a hard time figuring out the eyes and they ended up being too thick so I had to take some of the white out in order to put in the blue and the black. If you're doing eyes or lips, spread out the icing in thin layers but thick enough because you don't want any transparency. I had a hard time centering the eyes but trial and error works best. I used to black jellybeans to help me get it right and center everything before adding the icing. I figured they'd be easier to move around and remove than scraping off icing and starting over again.

I wanted to add some extra color so I used some left over Easter candy and decorated the cake with little flowers and confetti.

Otherwise it was a pretty simple but tedious process.

Honest Scrap Award! :)

YAY! I got an award!! Meesh at Life On The Farm – In The City decided that I was worthy of the Honest Scrap award. Thanks chickie!

The Honest Scrap Award Rules say that I must:

1. Brag about the award. Done!
2. Include the name of the blogger who gave you the award and link back to that blogger. Of course!
3. Choose a selection of blogs that you find brilliant in honest content. It won’t be easy to pick and choose but I’ll do it!
4. Show their names and links and leave a comment informing them that they were prized with this award. Will do!
5. List at least ten honest things about yourself. Oy!………then pass it on with the instructions!

Here are my ten honest things about myself:

1. I’m OCD about the most random things – paper clips, Christmas cards, facing products and mostly all the little details so one seems to notice. I’m totally cool with the obvious stuff though.
2. If you ask me, Disney is THE happiest place on earth hands down – mainly because it’s so perfect, it suits all my OCD quirks and things don’t make me twitch as much. That AND it’s Ariel’s home, obvies.
3. I think I’m cool when I use words like “obvies”.
4. I’m a giant suck for dimples, large hands and shoulders. *swoon*
5. The only tattoo I have, I designed myself. The same rule applies for all future tattoos.
6. I can’t deal with controlling people – it normally ends one of two ways. I either freak out leading to a tsunami of tears and anxiety… or heads can roll.
7. I only agreed to date Js because I thought he was going to move away and I’d never see him again. That was a total fail… but I wouldn’t have it any other way.
8. It worries me sometimes how much I love my cat.
9. I have every skin condition I’ve ever heard of, except for acne.
10. I’m quickly running out of things to say because I feel like nothing I say is new… It’s all been said before. I guess this proves I’m honest and straight forward about everything.

I am passing this award onto other bloggers who make me smile, laugh, think and kill time. It’s hard to pick and some of my choices have already received the award so in no particular order :

http://basicinstilettos.blogspot.com/

Basic in Stilettos is Ashley’s blog who recently joined the CF and is now blogging about the trials and tribulations of a hot little chickie going through Basic Military Qualification. Ashley is a strong and independent woman that I admire deeply. I wish her all the best and look forward to reading her posts – normally with a little squeal and a dance. She doesn’t have the opportunity to post very regularly with her intense training but when she does, it’s worth it.

http://esphixiet.blogspot.com/

Whitney is a good friend I met under strange circumstances – some say strange, some say crazy. Whitney is funny and awesome and I’m always surprised at how alike we are. She’s a fellow military spouse and she has got a lot of wisdom to share. Wanna talk about sucky postings and those damn satellite phones, Whitney’s your gal.

http://pop-geek.blogspot.com/

Nick is a wonderful human being, hilarious, queer and cute to boot! Nick blogs his musing about pop-culture and archives his endless ramblings about Lost or other random TV shows and movies.

Just one more…

http://ifmyeyeswerecameras.blogspot.com/

Lori started a new blog recently to share with the world her beautiful photos. Check them out!

There are a TON more I could award this to… but I have to leave some for the others! Hehe!

One step backward, Two steps down..

That's my attempt at a negative turn to the saying.

Lately, I feel like progress is like the dollar attached to a string... attached to a racing car.

My emotional and mental self is progressing at a turtle's pace. Considering I'm getting married in 4 months (eek!) that's not good. Don't get me wrong, I love Js with every ounce of my being. I'm the problem. I'm dead on the inside towards everything else (pets excluded - I love my pets!). Is that enough? Can I go on in life not living for anything else buy my spouse and my pets? My values are very dear to me and I wish they played a larger part in my life I wish I allowed myself the time for them to play a larger part in my life. I feel stagnant.

My professional and career-oriented self is dead but not gone. I still feel the need to pursue something that I value and something that I find real pleasure in doing... but I'm very limited and will continue to be for another couple of years I'm affraid. Who wants to hire, train and employ a person knowing full well that they will be leaving within the next couple of years? No one. That's who. I know I should shut it because I have a decent paying job - if only it was in a tolerable setting, it would be ideal. Sadly it is not and there is nothing I can do about it. Believe me, I've tried.

Hi! I'm Debbie Downer, it's Monday!

Crazy dreams - Sea animals and the end of the world

Last couple of weird dreams I had, I blamed the prescription medication. This time, too much sugar and wine might be the cause.

**Warning, very weird and disturbing dream ahead. I promise I'm not deranged.

So we'd borrowed some animals from Sea World, we kept them in a box until we had to return them for our amusement. Evil, I know. They were kind of weird too... one of them was a Sea Dog. It's was pretty much Nova with gills that looked a bit like an otter. So... anyways, for some reason I had to leave Moose Jaw and I was really upset but it would allow me to drop off the sea animals in Winnipeg on my way back to Ontario so I kinda had to do it. (?) So I left without telling anyone, boxed up Sea Dog in tow.

When I got to Sea World Winnipeg, the nice lady in a wet suit told me that we could only return sea animals on Sunday and being Thursday, I'd have to wait a couple days. So I slid down an ice structure to where I could find food and shelter for me and my sea dog for the next couple days. On the way, heard some cries for help so I stopped sliding because I'm magical like that and saw that some people had fallen over. So I found a piece of string and helped them out. The lady and her 2 daughters offered to take me and Sea Nova into their home until Sunday to thank me. Bad idea.

As we walked over to their home, I left Sea Nova at a Sea Kennel and got the weird feeling everyone was in a panic. I started looking around and everyone was preparing for the end of the world. Setting up shelters on the roof, packing up supplies and everyone was wearing rubber boots. The lady left her 2 daughters outside as they were begging her "not to do it again" and she said "well I have to show our guest so she knows!" and left them to play in the snow. The daughters are kinda strange and I stay behind to have a good look at them. They look like normal happy kids but they seem totally oblivious to everything that's happening around them. The youngest one looks like she's wearing pink play-handcuffs.

I walked into her house and it seemed pretty normal. There were too many knick-knacks for my taste but nothing I couldn't tolerate for a couple of days. Right in the middle of the place, there is what looks like a defibrillator machine but the paddles are hooked up to the ceiling. The woman then explains to me how she's discovered a source of electromagnetic energy (I blame Lost for this one!) that will save her and her daughters from the catastrophe. She says that sending shocks into her house will "shake off the water if there's a flood", "protect the home during earthquakes" and "will make it fireproof" somehow. She needs to show me what happens so I can be prepared in case she needs to set it off while I'm there. I assume that's what her daughters were warning her about before but don't make much of it.

She presses a button and the entire house lifts off it's foundation and starts to shake like a cell phone on vibrate. Everything stays in place, she explains, because everything's moving at the same time. She finally stops the machine and then runs outside.

I immediately see her oldest daughter laying limply in the front yard but she doesn't seem to notice. She is frantically looking for the youngest one who's nowhere to be found. I stand there, like stunned, staring at the oldest one in the snow. A stranger walks by on the street and yells "That girl looks dead!". I take a closer look and see he's right so I get the mom's attention but she doesn't seem to care - she's still looking for the young one. So the stranger-man picks up the lifeless little body and brings her to her mom and then the girl wakes up a bit and says something along the lines of "Why did you have to do it again?" - the mom doesn't seem to care and keeps asking about her younger sister. The weak girl lifts up her head and says "You can stop looking." and shows that she's wearing the handcuffs now and then passes out.

...then I woke up.

Baking Fun - Applesauce Cake

We made this cake last weekend to compliment our Easter feast!

Applesauce Cake

This cake was absolutely amazing. It was perfect for Easter because it was a nice change from all the chocolate we'd been stuffing down our throats over the weekend but it was still sweet and kinda special.

I used this recipe and I really don't think I'd change anything about it. The cake does turn out to be quite huge but in this case, I don't think the "less is more" rule applies. You could always make 2 cakes by dividing the batter in 4 different pans, making them thinner and serving more people.

The filling was fabulous too and I really liked not having to worry about icing the cake. Flop whipped cream, stack, flop whipped cream, stack, done.

The applesauce kept the cake moist and it was almost like a light-spice-cake taste. We had left overs for days and they kept really well in the fridge. The whipped cream keeps it cool so it's a good alternative if you get a craving for spice cake in July.

Overall, very happy with the turn out, easy enough and feeds a small country.

CMS - One Year Strong

When I look back to March 2009 and how much time, energy, blood, sweat and tears I have poured into building the CMS Network there are only 1 thing comes to mind :

What the hell was I thinking?


I was thinking it would be easy. People would simply flow to the network, everyone would get along and a handful of Spouses would network and share information, thoughts and experiences. I was wrong. A whole mother load of them joined, a whole mother load of them keep coming and don't intend to stop any time soon. When you bring in 242 people, 242 different views and 242 strong individuals - sparks will fly. We have had some moments when we had to rethink our vision and amend our rules and guidelines to make sure everyone had the opportunity to make the most of our cyber-haven and it was all well worth it in the end.


I was thinking once I got things set up, I wouldn't need to spend as much time on development and building. Hi! I'm delusional. Nice to meet you!

When it's all said and done, I'm beyond happy with the outcome and all the good that has come out of CMS. What started as a not-much-to-it project to keep me entertained while Js was away has now evolved into a gigantic (in my eyes!) network for spouses from coast to coast.

Of course, I don't think I could have survived this long without the help of a wonderful team of dedicated ladies, the Mods. I know I'm rambling but everyone at CMS is so lucky to have you ladies out there keeping watch and making the network so great. Thanks for putting up with me and all the insanities that comes with working behind the scenes!

I know this post comes a tad late and we're actually One Year and One Month Strong at this point but I wanted to send out a special mention and so toot our little horn for just a little bit. Now that all the anniversary celebrations are finshing up, it's time to get started working on some more development and all the great ideas and projects we have in store for our second year!

New found addiction : The Big Bang Theory

Yes, that's right and I'm not ashamed to admit it. Even though I'm not an UBER fan of TV in general, I like to pick and choose my shows very carefully. I don't like reality TV (and have made that quite clear, twice!) so it leaves me with very slim pickin' when it comes to my fave shows.

Which leads to our latest addiction : The Big Bang Theory.


It's a nice change of pace from Lost going from edge-of-your-seat-thrills to geeky-reference-jokes-until-your-sides-hurt-humor. We like to keep a semblance of balance.

I had watched a couple episodes randomly and thought the show was okay at best. Js started watching it a bit more and then borrowed seasons 1 and 2 on DVD from a friend... insta-hook!

You really have to start watching the show from the beginning to see the characters evolve and understand all the stoopid little references and the geeky jokes.

The only thing that gets on my nerves is that chick. Penny. Ugh. I haven't decided just yet if it's because of the actress or the actual character but my skin crawls when she tries to be witty or thinks she's just so wonderful. We've only watched the first 2 seasons and I really hope whoever writes her lines gets a swift kick in the cubes.

Also, I'm very jealous of their constant-take-out-food. They are always eating Thai food or Chinese and mama wants some. They also keep talking about Indian food and it's driving me bonkers. I miss all the restaurants in Ottawa and being able to get take-out as I so choose and never having to order from the same place twice within the month. *sigh*

Peep-erific

Danielle blogged about this a couple days ago and I wanted to share the cute peep love!














We're all familiar with Peeps, the wee sugar-coated marshmallow chicks and bunnies that make an appearance on grocery shelves this time of year.

But other than letting them go stale and then eating them (we hear they're tastier that way), what else can you do with them?

The contest consists of creating pop-culture scenes and giving Peeps the leading role. Creative and delicious art for the win!

According to the Post, the diorama contest -- for which entrants create fantasy scenes out of Peeps and other materials -- is "a cultural barometer -- a three-dimensional essay on the state of the nation's collective consciousness, a sticky finger on the pulse of what's popular."

Click here to check out the diorama of the top contest entries!

Here's another entry that didn't make it to the diorama but has found a sticky place in my heart - fellow OBT member submitted her version of a peeped up world.

Easter Weekend Fun

Easter weekend is almost over. Sadly. :(

Maggie and Marc came over for the weekend and brought along their 130 pound Shnouze for the ride. Nova is smitten and has spent the greater part of the couple hours since they've gone pacing around the place, whining and sighing her blues away.

We had a great weekend and it was great to spend some quality time together. Maggie and I went for coffee, did some weddingy things and prepared insane amounts of food. I'll post about the baking in a bit. :)

I'm SO not looking forward to getting back to work tomorrow, oy!! Extra-long weekends should happen more.

Baking Fun - Easter Bunny Cuppy Cakes

I had to contain myself yesterday not to post these on Facebook in case Maggie saw them before she left Winnipeg... here's hoping she's already on the road. :)

Easter Bunny Cuppy Cakes

For the actual cupcakes, I used a pre-made plain vanilla cupcake mix and just tossed in a bit of extra vanilla flavor in them. I like to use a more subtle cake flavor when the entire focus is on the icing as to not over do it - this worked very well. Also, instead of using food coloring, I added chocolate to the icing to make the brown ones so they have a slightly different taste than the green ones.

I took the design and idea from this book. Hello Cupcake is just wonderful because it makes things easy, uses real words and doesn't tell you you have to buy this and that and the other thing in order to accomplish this.

For the Rabbit Butts, I used chocolate icing and covered that in Oreo crumbs. I spent hours and hours looking for circus peanuts in this blessed town to no avail - so I settled to cutting the ends off marshmallows to make the feet. I used a black jelly bean, as shown in the book, for the large foot-pad but I recommend using either a chocolate covered peanut or raisin. The taste of the licorice jelly bean does not go very well with the rest so people will just pick them off. I couldn't find any chocolate covered sunflower seeds so I used some extra chocolate icing for the toes. I stuck everything on with a bit more icing - be careful when you add the Oreo crumbs to leave a bit of space for the sticking of the parts. Icing does not stick well to crummy surfaces - the feet will just fall off. Overall, very satisfied with how they turned out.

For the Green Grass ones, I simply piped some little stars to create the grass and stuck some mini-eggs, small candy flowers and some colorful sprinkles to give it a bit of color and make it look all Eastery and nice.

I used in total about 2 and a half cups of butter cream icing for the whole thing. Colored a bit more than half - so about 1 cup and a half - in green using paste coloring. That made about 30 cupcakes. I also put different amounts of batter in some of the cups as to give it a bit of variety and depth and it worked out wonderfully.

Can't wait to eat them!! :) Happy Easter baking!

Happy Easter Weekend!

Happy Easter Weekend to those who celebrate it and Happy Long Weekend to those who don't. :)

We're having Maggie and Marc over for the weekend *squee* and it's 6:30am on Friday morning and I'm up. I blame the dog... and Js partly. There was a mess dinner last night, he came in late and I ended up sleeping on the couch. (Everything's good - it's purely because he snores like a jet engine when he drinks so I slept downstairs so that I could do just that... sleep.)

It's going to be a fun weekend filled with wedding preps, puppy love, good food and great company. I spent the evening last night making cupcakes (see next post for Baking Fun!) and my neighbor Claudia came over to help. What else are 2 girls to do on the Thursday evening before a long weekend? :)