Paririe Sinus Solution : Neti Pot

Disclaimer : I am not writing this to discourage future buyers of Neti Pot by SinuCleanse. The bellow story of humiliation is simply for pure entertainment and as a warning to read all effing instructions carefully before attempting to shove (or pour) anything into any orifice. That's good then, right!?

My friend Erin first told me about the Neti Pot when I was complaining endlessly about my sinuses. Since moving to Saskatchewan, I've been having really really mad allergies. I'm fin'd though.

I've come up with a little little cocktail of medication I can take that at least get me through my day at work if I take it at a very precise time. The headaches, wide-awake until 4am and the sneezes have gone from constant to sometimes which is about a million times better than what it was last year.

I thought I should try the Neti Pot to clear my sinuses and give my nose a fighting chance. I read the label on the box about a million times before I decided to go for it. I'm really really not cool with sticking cold jets of lava up my nose and that's why Erin (and probably Nick too at some point) recommended the Neti Pot.

Js had to go to a function last night in Regina so I decided, what better time to give it a try and not be humiliated. I don't know what I had pictured in my mind and how I imagined the Neti Pot worked - possibly that you just stare at it and the mucus just magically disappears. I was wrong. I read the instructions carefully, and then again. Begin very careful not to read item number six on the list.

The way it works : You fill a little tea-pot-ish looking thing with water and solution. You tip your face a very awkward way over the sink. Your pour the liquid down one nostril and it comes out the other one. Voila.

I'm one of those who can't even go under water without pinching my nose so I started to think the experience just might be a bit less magical than I had anticipated. I decided to have dinner and then give it a shot. After dinner, I read the instructions again and the humiliation of using my nose as a water filtration system did not seem half as bad as the mental image of me dying on the kitchen floor, chocking on my own mucus and saline solution. As such, I decided to wait until Js came home... which didn't happen until 10:30pm.

I told him about my evening and hesitation with the Neti Pot. He didn't believe me when I told him what I actually had to do with it. I gave him the instructions to read while I prepared (wayyyy too much) gentle solution.

Note : On the front side of the instructions it says to start with one packet of dry ingredients mixed with water and then gradually work your way up to two packets when you're used to it. On the inside of the instruction booklet it says to start with half a packet for first time users and then work your way up to one. I did not read that. A whole packet doesn't do anything wrong... it just hurts more.

So there I am, holding up a little tea pot, spout up my nose, head tilted like the picture, bib and boyfriend who's trying his hardest not to laugh.

Me : Ow. Ow. Owwwwwwwwwwwwww.
Him : You're almost done!
Me : That's impossible. Don't lie. It doesn't help.
Him : Okay, well... you're really not done.
Me : I know. Owwwwwwwwwwwww.

Then the water finally starts dripping from my other nostril and it seems like the pain is almost over. It's true that you get used to it quite quickly I guess. There was still quite a burning feeling from the whole packet used but it was totally bearable. It was just awkward as shit. The whole time I'm thinking, this is totally brilliant, it cleans both nostrils at the same time so I don't have to endure this again. This really works, there's no way it can't. Look at me, I'll be mucus free by tomorrow!

Him : Huh...
Me : What?!
Him : Did you read this whole thing?!
Me : Clearly.
Him : Okay then.
Me : I'm almost done, I can see it. Get kleenex... quick!
Him : So you read that you have to blow your nose right after to get rid of everything yet you didn't bring any kleenex?!
Me : GET KLEENXE! OW! It's so grosssss!

I blow my nose gently as the book says and then promptly start cleaning the little pot thinking it went rather well. I look over and Js is looking at me with anticipation and a very large smile on his face.

Me : What?
Him : So you read this?
Me : Yeah. I did it right, no?!
Him : Yes, you did fine. But did you read all the way to #6?
Me : Yes. (I have no idea.)
Him : What does it say then?
Me : I don't recall...
Him : Repeat on the other side tilting your head in the opposite direction to clear the other nostril. (Not exactly what it says but you get the idea.)
Me : Noooooooooooooooooooooooooo! You are lying. Give me that. *reads* ... *defeated*

He, for some reason, thought it was very funny. I don't agree.

Note : So of course I did some research on this AFTER having bought and used it. I'm kind of glad I waited because I don't think I would have bought it having seen (yes, that's just what it looks like, minus the iota of dignity that woman has left) what came of my very intensive (google and wiki) research. Especially finding out that it is also referred to as nasal irrigation.